They Just Don’t Always Get It August 26, 2004
I have a great husband, and I love him so much, but man sometimes he just doesn’t get it. I guess like anyone else, unless you’re actually going through it, it’s hard to understand. Yes, he understands about the whole infertility business, but he doesn’t fully get all this IVF stuff. He’s knowledgeable about the technical aspects, but not as much about the emotional ones.
Tonight, my hubby called home from work about the time he usually does when it’s time for him to leave. Except tonight, he was calling to tell me that he was going out for a drink with some work buddies. Ok. Whatever. He’s getting ready to apply for some law clerkships, so his colleagues wanted to look over his list of judges. That’s probably a good idea, and my husband promised he wouldn’t stay too long. Today’s been a rough day, so he knew that I needed him here.
Well, about an hour and a half later I get an email saying that his buddies have decided to throw him a quasi party, so he’ll be staying a little longer. I didn’t get why they felt the need to party over applying for the clerkships. I felt that should be reserved for if he actually got one.
Then I kept trying to email him to ask whether he was going to eat when he got home, so I knew what to cook for dinner. He kept giving me vague answers while I continued to hear the growling of my stomach.
Another half hour passes, and I get another email saying he’ll be leaving soon. I wait another hour past that, and still no husband. I finally get a call over 3 hours after he left for his “short” outing that he’s on his way home. Now I just have to wait the 30 minutes for him to drive home.
I normally wouldn’t be this pissy, but I needed him here tonight, for at least part of the night. Why couldn’t he understand that? I’m an emotional mess because of these damn drugs and the stress of it all. I just need some support, damn it.
- Posted in : various other ramblings
- Author : amanda
Comments»
Amanda - I am going through the same thing right now with my husband. Sometimes they just don’t know when we really need them. Throw in the meds and hormones and well, everything goes haywire.
Hang in there. :)
Nina
Well, if it were me, I would be so hurt and pissed. I don’t mean to add fuel to your fire but I would be livid.
You are going through so much right now and I also know that it can be difficult for men to leave in a situation like your husband had tonight…..but still…..it would have been lovely if he had politely excused himself.
The last thing you need is to have difficulties with your husband right now. Maybe you can tell him that you NEED him. Men love to be needed. Also, give him positive reinforce
ment when he behaves!
Take care of yourself!!!
Nina- “Throw in the meds and hormones and well, everything goes haywire.” -Exactly!
Julianna- That’s what hurt the most. When he first called to tell me he was going out, I started crying. I told him that I was having a tough time and that I needed him. I wasn’t going to ask him not to go at all, because I did feel that it was important for him to get his colleagues feedback, but I did ask him to come home as soon as possible. Men!
Oh my God - are you actually ME??!! I’m an emotional wreck - crying all the time - just nuts!!!
- beaver girl
I hope you didn’t cook for him when he got home.
I’m a raging hormonal maniac myself right now. Mine
said something like.. “you’ve eaten alot of chocolate this week”.
Man if I had a giant cadbury bar, I would have beat him to a bloody pulp with it… (then of course ate the chocolate bar).
I’m concluded that men just do stupid things. It’s what they’re good at. LOL
Beaver girl- My day is not complete unless I’ve cried a few times.
Brenda- I cooked dinner for both of us when I thought he was actually coming home. His is still sitting in the refrigerator. He missed out on some yummy etoufee. Maybe I should eat it for lunch. That would teach him.
Don’t get me started on the chocolate. My hubby ate the candy bar that I was saving as a treat for after my injection Wednesday night. I freaked out on him. Luckily, he was smart enough that time to make a quick trip to the grocery store to get more chocolate.
You’re absolutely right. Sometimes, guys just DON’T get it. And unfortunately, we have to let them know what they don’t know already. You can approach it in a non-confrontational sort of way, but your hubby needs to know just how vulernable you are right now, and how much he’s needed at home. He’ll understand, believe me.
Husbands can be such jerk sometimes! I can’t even begin to count the number of times I’ve needed L. and he just.didn’t.get.it. Oh, I cried - hard and long. The worst thing is I wasn’t even on meds! I can’t imagine how it would be like if I ever got on them. He might have to get chained to me to ensure he won’t be able to leave. :)
Let’s think. How can we punish him?
Tell him about the magnificent dinner you are going to make tonight. Tell him that you are celebrating his clerkship possibilities like his friends did last night. Tell him that you are proud of him and his accomplishments and how insensitive you were when he was celebrating and excited. You have been only thinking of yourself lately with all of the injections and stress.
Before he comes home, LEAVE. Put a note on the fridge or somewhere that you will be right back.
Send him an email an hour later that you got caught up and are on your way. Tell him to open the bottle of wine for the special dinner.
Go to your favorite restaurant with a girlfriend and charge it to his credit card.
Come home when yo
u can’t stay away any longer.
Sometimes, men learn by examples.