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Reprieve August 27, 2004

I’m not mad anymore. Last night I was pissed, but I can’t stand to be mad at my husband for too long. I just need his support too much right now. I talked to him a little while ago, and he’s going to come home from work early today so that we can spend lots of time together tonight.

I know that he doesn’t really get how hard all of this is on me. Part of that comes from the fact that I’m trying to remain strong throughout all of this crap. He doesn’t see my crying throughout the day while he’s at work (although he can usually hear it when he calls). I know I’ve communicated to him that I’m having a hard time, but maybe he just doesn’t fully understand.

This is by far the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, and I’m only part of the way through it. The emotions involved with infertility and IVF are just so huge. Combine that with the side effects from the drugs, and oh man, you’ve got one hell of a combination.

I’m going to do whatever it takes to make sure that he knows how much I need him right now. I’ll get it through his thick skull one way or another. I don’t know how I’ll make it otherwise.

Comments»

1. Dee - August 27, 2004

Amanda,

Know that you will make it through it and he will be there. Sometimes the path our men take may not be the same as ours or at the same pace, but I think they can do it, and they feel and hurt, and yet want nothing more than to take away our hurt too. And, yes, there can be and is so much hurt in IF, IVF, and everything else we go through but I like to think–beware cliche straight ahead–that whatever doesn’t kill us only makes us stronger. I’ve thought that before but it took me yesterday–one of the worst days of my life, followed closely by today–to make me realize that it really can be true. Know that you are strong and you can get through your challenges.

I thank you for your very kind comments yesterday, and even more for your cyber friendship. Know that I am grateful for your presence in my online world. It is a better place with you in it.

Dee