Spent September 22, 2004
I know I need to move past what happened yesterday, but I can’t. I’m just so pissed that the torture that I experienced could have been prevented if I had just had a mock transfer. When I had my IVF consult I asked whether or not my RE’s office does mock transfers and was told that they didn’t, because there was no way to simulate the exact conditions that would be present on the day of transfer. Sure, my bladder may have been at a different level of fullness, but undoubtedly they would have been able to tell that my cervix had a 90 degree turn in it and was full of scar tissue. Ugh.
I’m not sure if I was clear in my last post, but the majority of the problems with my transfer came from the fact that my RE couldn’t get the catheter(s) past the scar tissue. Once it miraculously got past that point (after over an hour of trying), the curve didn’t seem to cause nearly as much of a problem.
My post from yesterday was also contradictory. I said that I was glad to have 6 blasts to freeze, but that I “was done.” I am extremely thankful to have some in the freezer, but I just don’t know when or if I’ll be able to go through all of that again. Throughout this process I hoped to have extra embryos to freeze, so that I wouldn’t have to go through the stimming and retrieval phases again. Now I realize that’s not what I should have been worried about. Even with a frozen transfer, they still have to transfer them. That’s where the dilemma lies. I’d probably have to have surgery to remove that scar tissue before I could attempt another transfer.
My husband keeps telling me to stay strong and that this one will work so there will be no need to worry about the other stuff for a while. I’m just so spent right now, both physically and emotionally, that I’m having trouble believing all of that.
What’s making this even harder is that I’m alone. My husband left for work this morning and won’t be home until tomorrow night. He has to go out of town for a hearing. All of this timing sucks. He was out of town following my retrieval and now will be following my transfer. I know he would be here if he could, but it’s still hard. Not only do I have to give myself my PIO injection tonight, I could really use him here for the emotional support.
Oh, and can I throw a mother-in-law vent out there, too? My husband wrote a post for our family blog about my transfer. He didn’t go into the details about my cervix, but he made it obvious that it was an extremely painful and long process for me. My MIL’s comment included the sentence, “Nothing is ever easy!!!” Give me a freaking break. Like she has a clue how hard this has been for me. I know for a fact that my husband was an oops baby, and his brother that is 13 years younger is probably one, too. Like they had any trouble in the reproductive department. Spare me.
Now, that I’ve gotten that all out, I’m going to try to cheer up a bit. At least a teeny bit. I need to let that strong, determined woman that has survived all of the crap to get to this point come back out and kick this weepy, whiney woman’s ass.
- Posted in : IVF Part 1: IVF #1, various other ramblings
- Author : amanda
Comments»
Wow, that sounds like an absolute, frickin’ nightmare. How stressful and painful. You are right, it all could have been prevented w/a mock t-fer. But then you would have for sure had to have that surgery and you may be PG with twins now and may never need it! :) Just trying to think of SOME positive thing….
Please take it easy as much as you can. I hope you have a friend or relative who can take care of you until your husband comes back.
Yikes! Sorry to hear that your transfer was such a nightmare. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that those embryos will stick, so that you in fact will be “done”. But should that not be the case, its got to be a bit reassuring that you have frozen embryos. Congrats on surviving the ordeal and best of luck surviving the 2 week wait. I’m rooting for you!
Oh no, poor you! That sounds like a total, total nightmare! Of my three transfers, only the last was painful (or so I thought, until I read yours). Man. And what’s up with MIL?
MIL: “Nothing is ever easy!!!”
Amanda: “Neither is getting my foot out of your ass.”
Gee whiz.
Hoping you recover soon and well, and that more good things follow : )
(don’t want to say what so I won’t jinx it)
Menita
(lifesjestbook)
Unbelievable! I somehow missed your post yesterday, so I had NO IDEA you’d gone through all that. You poor, poor thing. I’ll say an extra prayer that this worked for you (x2!) so you never have to worry about going through it again.
Heather
One Pink Line
Amanda, my dear. I have come to love you. I don’t KNOW you, but I love you here. My heart breaks for everything you are going through.
I am scared to death of a transfer. I have severe reactions to catheters in my uterus. I am vomiting, clammy, white, pale, even have intestinal distress (immediate diarhea) and shiver. I have been rushed to the emergency room several times due to the pain. My doctor has prescribed Vicodin ES and Valium for my transfer. I also have an angled uterus so I pray I don’t go through HALF of what you went through.
I thought about you so much today while at work. What a nightmare you had yesterday.
If someone who does not even know you, was so disturbed by your ordeal, it should be no wonder that you are having a difficult time.
I also SO relate to being alone. Thank God my husband is not scheduled to go out of town for the next 2 weeks.
Try to take care of yourself. I am sorry you are alone and scared.
I hope and pray that you will not need to worry about another transfer. Your scar tissue will not interfere with the babies.
Take care o
f yourself!
Amanda - I am sorry to hear your transfer was so painful. I too, hope that this will be it for you and you will not have to endure that again! Hang in there. Hope all went smoothly with your injection tonight!
Nina