Making an Effort October 26, 2004
Sometimes you have to make yourself feel better. Sometimes that’s really hard to do and takes tremendous effort. I haven’t been doing so well the past few days, but I’m trying to pick myself up and shake myself off.
It’s amazing to me how this infertility and IVF stuff affects me. I’ll be bopping along with life, feeling fine, and then BAM, it hits me. Out of nowhere it just comes back and kicks my ass. It doesn’t matter how strong I feel one day, because I can be flattened the next.
I’m doing a little better today. I walked 2.75 miles on the treadmill this morning. My knees are going to be bitching at me about that one, but I just had to keep going this morning. 1.5 or 2 miles just wouldn’t do today. I also just finished eating a healthy lunch complete with fresh veggies galore. Would I have preferred to eat a big bowl of ice cream instead? Without a doubt, but I’m truly trying to make an effort here.
Like a lot of things in the fun world of infertility, this is really hard for me. Just trying to feel good is hard sometimes. I wish it were easier, but it’s not. I’m not talking about ignoring my feelings or putting myself in major denial. I can still be sad or mad or frustrated in my head while trying to make my body feel better. I’m definitely not Suzy Sunshine or Mrs. Positive all of the time, or even most of the time. Sometimes I’m bitter, sometimes I’m jealous, sometimes I’m hopeless, sometimes I’m discouraged, but I’m trying my hardest not to feel like complete shit all of the time. I’m not doing this by thinking unrealistic positive thoughts but by doing little things like exercising or eating better or even getting off my ass to take a shower at a reasonable time. It does take effort. Sometimes more than others. I’m determined to do it, though. I’m really going to try to make that effort more often.
- Posted in : various other ramblings
- Author : amanda
Comments»
I am so sorry you have been feeling bad lately, although good for you to recognize there are some things you can do about it and then do them - like exercising and eating right. Heck, even if they don’t make you feel better physically right away, the fact that you did so well will help you psychologically.
It IS hard. Sometimes I am actually glad for my job b/c it does take my mind off everything for a bit. Sorry your Dh is so busy right now. Mine is on a business trip ALL WEEK and while I do these shots myself, it is nice to have the moral support…
Hang in there, my dear.
-Amy
It’s absolutely impossible to be Ms. Merry Sunshine throughout an ordeal like this. It sounds to me like you’re holding up remarkably well under the circumstances. Anyway, it does suck that your hubby won’t be around to help with the Lupron injections, but I’m glad you’re starting them again so soon. That means everything is getting close again. I’m praying for you!
Amanda, I love you.
You are doing great. One day at a time.
Hang in there Amanda. Thinking of you.
Nina