Manana Banana

parenthood after dealing with male factor infertility and multiple IVF cycles

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Holiday Plans November 4, 2004

We usually have a pretty standardized set of holiday plans. One year we spend Thanksgiving with my family and Christmas with my husband’s family and then alternate the next year. It’s worked well in the past, but this year is a little different. This FET is throwing some kinks into our plans.

I think we’ve figured out things for the most part. We’ll be going to visit my family for Thanksgiving. My parents only live 2.5 hours away, so that’s no biggy. And we’ve decided to do our own thing for Christmas. My inlaws might make the trip to Houston for New Years, but that’s still to be decided.

Besides the logistical issues for this holiday season, we’re dealing with some emotional issues as well. This isn’t the first holiday season we’ve spent dealing with infertility, but a lot has changed since last year. My husband has had two surgeries, and we’ve done one IVF and now are onto a FET. We’re different people than we were a year ago.

The holidays are going to be tough for me this year. I’m a big holiday person. Not so much holidays like Halloween or Valentine’s Day, but family gathering type holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas. I’ve always liked having my family all together for those holidays. Things are different this year, though.

One thing that I’m having a lot of trouble with is the fact that my parents now have official custody of my cousin’s children. My cousin was brought up on charges of child endangerment and also failure to complete the community service that was assigned to him after a couple of DUIs. He’s in the National Guard and basically had two choices: go to jail or go to Iraq. He chose Iraq, and before he left he signed over one year custody to my parents. Who knows what will happen when he comes back. For the mean time, however, my parents are the guardians of these two little boys, ages 2 and 4. It’s really hard for me to visit them. It’s like a slap in the face. Here my husband and I are trying every trick in the book to get pregnant while my cousin and his wife, now ex, two irresponsible and incapable people, pop out unwanted children. It’s also hard for me to see my parents being parents to these young boys when we’re supposed to be the ones who are becoming new parents. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hold any of this against those two precious boys, but it’s a hard situation for me to be in.

My immediate family is going to my aunt and uncle’s house for lunch on Thanksgiving day. We’ve done this since my grandfather passed away a few years ago. My husband and I have decided not to attend this big family gathering this year. It would just be too much for me to watch everyone fuss over those two cuties. Plus, one of my young, unwed cousins just had a baby. I just don’t think I can handle all of that this year. Not to mention the fact that I’ll still be pumped up on FET drugs at that point.

So, I decided to tell my mom that we wouldn’t be joining the rest of my family for that portion of the holiday. I knew this was not going to be an easy task, because my mom is really good at guilting me into doing things. Plus, I usually try to make everyone happy. I wasn’t going to back down on this, though. I told her very directly that we wouldn’t be going. She asked why, and I told her that it would just be too much for us to handle right now. And that was that. She didn’t try to talk me into it or push the issue in any way. So, we’ll be driving in on Thursday afternoon to be there in time for dinner with my immediate family. That’s assuming my lining cooperates, and I don’t need another ultrasound the day after Thanksgiving. I guess we’ll just cross that bridge if we come to it.

As far as Christmas goes, it will depend a lot on what my beta in mid December brings. Either way, I think we’ll definitely stay home for Christmas morning. I just don’t think I can handle watching those two little boys open presents while sitting there thinking that I should have a little one there participating in all of the fun. We may go visit my family later, but I guess it all depends on the outcome of this FET.

It’s hard that infertility and this FET are determining so much of the upcoming holidays. I wish it wasn’t that way. I’m sure there are a number of people out there who could be a bigger person in my situation, but I really need to be in self preservation mode right now. Who knows, maybe we’ll be celebrating come Christmas time, but if not, it will help knowing that we won’t have people expecting us to join in the festivities. I’ve tried to be mindful of a particular sentiment throughout all of this infertility stuff, and it applies here as well: Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.

• Posted in : various other ramblings
• Author : amanda

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