“Please Let It Work This Time” November 6, 2004
I have been repeating that phrase to myself for the past few days. Hell, I’ve even said it out loud a couple times. I don’t know who I’m talking to. I know there’s no IVF angel out there waiting to grant requests. Maybe it’s just a way to get myself through this cycle.
I’m all about having a Plan B, but thinking about that backup plan is scaring the pants off of me. The thought of having to go through another fresh cycle is not appealing in the least. Having to fork out another $15K out of thin air, putting my body through pure hell again, and getting on that emotional roller coaster yet one more time is so overwhelming.
I don’t want to have to do it all again. I just want this FET to work so badly, yet I know that there’s a good chance it won’t. This IVF crap is so hard. Too hard sometimes.
I think that thinking about Plan B while doped up on Lupron is a bad idea. This shit is kicking my ass. Let me list my side effects: night sweats that leave me completely drenched, never ending headaches that I have dubbed “perma-headache,” feeling tired all the time, being SO moody, having such a fuzzy brain that I can no longer spell or think of the simplest words, being so cranky that I scare my cat, and I’m sure I’ve left off a couple. I’ve come to the conclusion that Lupron is nothing short of “evil in a bottle.”
So, I guess I should just trust that we’ve thought through our choices for Plan B while I was a rational, non doped person and trust that the decision we made to pursue another fresh cycle should this FET fail is the right one. I know that there will also be time to rethink everything should I enter BFN hell again. I guess I just need to focus on making it through this round and worry about the rest when/if the time comes. Hell, just making it through the current round is tough enough.
I know that no matter how much I bitch and whine right now about how hard all of this is, I will do it all again if I have to. Why? Because I know that giving up would be infinitely harder.
- Posted in : IVF Part 2: FET #1
- Author : amanda
Comments»
Hooray for Plan B! Go Plan B!
Lupron does suck. Lupron sucks so bad that I refuse to cook while taking it. I must have my meals delivered to my door! You see the wisdom in this approach, I’m sure.
Please let it work this time. I’m right there with you wishing and hoping that this cycle is the one for you.
But should it not, there is that Plan B. You’ll make it through. You will. You’re strong and wonderful and determined.
I’m rooting for you.
Best of luck, I’ll be rooting for you!
Dana
How I hope it works this time. I think that’s every IF’s mantra going into another cycle–please just let it work this time. (Then I throw some bargaining into the mix for good measure.)
As tough as cycling is, and as much as Lupron is kicking your butt, I have no doubt you’ll make it through this cycle…and I’m hoping that your pot of gold lies just on the other side.
Me too.
Hoping with all my might.