Fuck You Fortune Cookie December 13, 2004
Saturday my husband and I went out for Chinese. When we were done eating I opened up my fortune cookie and found the following fortune:
Your trouble will cease & fortune will smile upon you.
I was so excited. I just knew it had to be a sign. I even saved the damn thing. I never save those things.
Well, I broke out the FREDs yesterday morning, and you guessed it, I had one fucking line staring back at me yet again. I guess you must have to ask for the special two lined version from the back of the store or something, because I keep getting the not so good one lined ones. I tested again this morning (10dp5dt) and of course it was negative again. I didn’t expect anything different.
I didn’t blog about this yesterday, because I really couldn’t here stuff like “You never really know until beta.” Trust me, if I haven’t gotten a positive by this point, I’m not going to. I’ve walked this road before. But, I decided I owed it to all my blogging friends who have been there for me through all of this and to myself to get all this out there.
I know that rarely in similar circumstances there are miracles that occur. I’ve heard of the people who never got a positive HPT even after their positive beta, and I’ve heard of the people who started out with a super low beta and are holding their little ones right now. That kind of stuff doesn’t happen to me, though.
I really don’t get why we’re so unlucky. We’ve transferred five excellent quality blasts (2 last time and 3 this time) with nothing to show for it. We’ve put ourselves through so much and nada.
So, it’s out there now. I’m going to ask you guys a favor if you don’t mind. Please don’t get my hopes up. I have zero hope for this cycle, and that’s how it needs to be. It makes for a softer landing. I will go in for my beta on Wednesday even though I know I’m not going to like the resulting phone call. I’m not asking for you to give up hope. I know how much harder it is to give up hope for someone else than it is for yourself. At least it always is for me. So, hope all you want, just keep it a secret from me, ok? I really do love you guys for hoping when I can’t, but I’m already starting to accept the outcome of this cycle, and I need not to backtrack in that process. I need to start healing and start moving on.
I really am pissed at that damn fortune. I think I’m going to burn it.
- Posted in : IVF Part 2: FET #1
- Author : amanda
Comments»
I’m so sorry, sweetie. I’ve been there - fortune cookies and all - and it just plain sucks. Thinking of you.
Danae/Hardscrabble
That really sucks. I’m so sorry. It’s not fair.
-beaver girl
My dear twin…I am so sorry for all that you have endured. I will not tell you to think positive. I will let you be.
Oh and I hate fortune cookies too. Miserable little pieces of crap that toy with our emotions.
I am here anytime….
a
cookingmyovaries
I love you Amanda.
That’s all.
And, I am s
o sorry.
I am full of tears as I write this to you. I am so very, heart sorry.
I’m so sorry, Amanda. I’m thinking of you.
Nina
Be pissed, Amanda, be very pissed. You’ve certainly earned the right. I am pissed for you. This sucks so much. So, so much.
I am here if you want to talk.
Making my way out of lurkville to say I’m so sorry, Hope is a fucken bitch. During my last cycle I just knew that I wasn’t pregnant, had four single lines to back it up (I was just making sure I had done it right). BUT oh you should have seen me on beta day #2, Hope was running around in my head like a freaking maniac on speed, you know those four HPTs could have been wrong, my lack of OHSS symptoms didn’t mean a thing, Hope almost had be believing in miracles as I waited for the phone to ring.
I just really wanted to say, I hear you and I wish, I wish …
-Anne
So sorry Amanda.
Amanda.. I’m not gonna blow smoke up your ass… I’ve been there myself and hate it. I just wanted to let you know that I’m thinking about you.
This really sucks.
Love you,
Brenda
Oh fuck. I just don’t understand. I’m so sorry, and I know that doesn’t help, but I am.
please don’t hate me - I tested negative on day 10, and positive, barely positive on day 12 - please give it two more days and then I’ll beat that Hope bitch up myself if you like - (p.s. that was w/ aimstick which I think is more sensitive than FRED who I hear is an asshole).
GL GL GL
dana
UGH!! I so know what you mean. I am so, so sorry. I know what you don’t want to hear, so I won’t say it. I am thinking of you.
-AmyY
Thinking of you, my friend.
getupgrrl
chezmiscarriage.blogs.com
I’m so sorry. I wish there was more to say. BFNs suck.
I’m so sorry Amanda.
Thinking about you . . .
I am so sorry.
Thinking of you.
Amanda, I am so sorry. It is hard not to hope for others but I will respect your wishes.
*HUGS*
Sanorah