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parenthood after dealing with male factor infertility and multiple IVF cycles

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Could I Please Make It Through One Transfer Without Crying? February 7, 2005

I wish I could write some awesome post about how many perfect embryos we had or how smoothly my transfer went, but if you know my luck, you probably knew that wasn’t going to happen. Things definitely could have gone better today. Of course they could have always gone worse, too.

Immediately after being called back I wanted to know how our embryos were doing. I didn’t like what I heard. Only 3 of our embryos made it to blast. So much for our great track record. Two of the other ones got stuck at 4 cells, and the other five got stuck at 8 cells, all sucky grades. It made our decision about how many to transfer easy, though. We transferred 1 grade 5 blast and 2 grade 4 blasts. We’ve only ever transferred grade 5 (the highest) blasts before, so this report was not what I had hoped for.

My IV was quite an experience. The anesthesiologist decided that my bruised hand was probably not the way to go, so she decided to use my left hand. I told her that the last IV that was placed in that hand was very difficult going in. So, what did she decide to do? Just stick the IV in there without shooting my hand up with Lidocaine first. Of course, I didn’t realize what she was doing until it was too late, but holy crap that hurt. She said that difficult veins often get more difficult with the use of Lidocaine, so she made the call to do without. I’m sure that’s easy to do when you’re not the one getting the IV. After she was done with the torture she said, “Now this is a quick and easy procedure.” I quickly replied, “Well, you’ve never been in one of my transfers before, though.” I would soon have her eating her words.

My transfer sucked as usual. I shouldn’t expect anything less. My cervix would have nothing to do with the catheters, so my RE decided to dilate my cervix like last time. Well, my cervix would have nothing to do with that either and refused to dilate. So, my RE went back to the “yank at the tenaculum and keep trying different catheters” method until she finally got one to slip past the 90 degree turn and scar tissue in my cervix. It took about 40 minutes total. Afterwards I was told that my transfer would have literally been impossible without the anesthesia.

I really wasn’t in the best of moods today. Who could blame me? What didn’t help was the fact that everyone else was so damn chipper. I swear if I had hear “Stay positive” or “It just takes one” one more time I would have lost it. I hate that crap so much. Sure it’s easy to stay positive if you haven’t already gone through two failed cycles and don’t have the whole difficult transfer thing to worry about, and I made that point known.

I got my beta scheduled earlier this time. I asked my IVF coordinator about it before my transfer, but afterwards she said, “So we’ll schedule your beta for two weeks from today.” I reminded her that we agreed that I could come in on Friday the 18th instead. You want to know her reply? “Sure thing. Whatever Amanda wants, Amanda gets.” It wasn’t a snide remark at all. She was totally being sincere. I guess the fact that I was sitting there in tears couldn’t have hurt in the sympathy department.

To be honest, I’m not holding out too much hope for this cycle. We used embryo glue this time, so I guess in theory that could make a difference, but who really knows. I just don’t know what I’m going to do if none of these embryos decide to stick. I really need to get working on that backup plan pronto.

• Posted in : IVF Part 3: IVF #2
• Author : amanda

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