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I Can’t Sleep February 7, 2005

I’ve been awake since 5am and have been tossing and turning to no avail since then. I finally decided that it was doing me no good to lie there with thoughts spinning through my head. I might as well get them out. This is the first time I’ve been really nervous this cycle. I guess it makes sense. Transfer day is not one of the easiest parts of an IVF cycle for me like it is for most people. In fact, it’s one of the most difficult.

I’ve got to deal with the whole IV issue again. Not that IV’s are usually that big of a deal, but today should be interesting. I can’t decide whether to go with my left hand with the “thick walled vein” that gave the anesthesiologist so much trouble, and thus me so much pain, during my last transfer or to go with my right hand that is still a lovely shade of green from my IV on Wednesday. This isn’t just a little bruise where the IV was inserted. Oh, no. The entire top of my hand is green with some red blotches thrown in for good measure.

I’m really worried about two things, though: our embryos and the actual transfer. Our day three report did set my mind at ease a bit, but who knows what could have happened in the two days since then. Will we have enough to transfer? Will we perchance have some to freeze so that I don’t have to think of the forthcoming negative beta as the end?

The actual transfer scares the crap out of me. Not because I’m worried about the pain factor like the first time. That’s what the anesthesia’s there for. No, It’s just that I know that with every additional manipulation comes a drop in our chances of success. Use the tenaculum? Well, I guess it could be worse. Have to manually dilate my cervix? Oh, we’re screwed now. Difficult transfers don’t make for great success rates, and whether or not I actually feel or remember any of it makes no difference.

Hopefully I’ll have good news to report later today, but who the fuck really knows. All I know is that I want it to be over already.

Comments»

1. Galloping Cats - February 7, 2005

Good luck. Thinking of you.

2. Joanne - February 7, 2005

I am hoping and praying that your embryos are thriving, that the transfer goes well, and that this cycle ends in wonderful news. Good luck today.

3. Beaver Girl - February 7, 2005

I’m thinking of you today and hope it goes better than expected.

4. cookingmyovaries - February 7, 2005

I’ll be thinking of you all day! Lots of luck. Grow embies grow!!!!

5. Brenda Sumner - February 7, 2005

Good luck!! i’ve been thinking of you today and crossing all of my crossables!

6. Anonymous - February 7, 2005

Good luck today.

I understand the IV thing. I’ve got shit veins, too. INSIST on a prick of novacaine before the stick that needle of death in your hand. It helps.

Thinking of you.
Jen/VintageUterus

7. amyesq - February 7, 2005

GOOD LUCK! I so hope you wake up and your RE says “It went great.” Please sit up with that wireless in bed and let us know as SOON as you can.