Manana Banana

parenthood after dealing with male factor infertility and multiple IVF cycles

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Are You Sure It Hasn’t Been Two Weeks Already? February 13, 2005

Time is dragging by as it’s known to do during the two week wait. It seems as though Friday will never get here, although I know it will. Hell, I’ll probably be wishing I was still in the dark come Friday.

As usual, there’s no way I’m waiting until beta day to find out my fate. I know HPTs are evil, but I don’t care. I need to know before I get that phone call. I stocked up on FREDs this weekend. I sure as hell hope I bought the two lined variety this time. You know, they should really start marking that information on the outside of the box. I know there are people out there who really want the one lined ones and end up purchasing the double lined ones, and of course there are people like me who manage the opposite. I think if the damn things were labeled properly we could all just get what we want.

I’ve been really good about documenting all the facts of my three cycles: E2s, follicle sizes, lining measurements, embryo quality, etc. However, besides the bitching and moaning about Lupron headaches and post ER soreness, I haven’t really been good about leaving a record about how I’ve felt physically through all of this. I keep asking my husband things like, “Was I bloated at this point last time?” and “Did I have cramps at this point past transfer?” Like he remembers. I guess it’s a good thing that I have selective amnesia about past cycles, though, because I’m sure I wouldn’t be on cycle #3 otherwise.

I just want to know if the same outcome is on it’s way. Not that any of that info would really help. I’m fully aware that everything I’m feeling right now is due to my friend, PIO.
The sore boobs, the mild cramping, the frequent urination, the vivid dreams. All credit to the mighty progesterone. Why does this crap have to fuck with my brain so much even though I know better? I guess it’s because even though I’ve been in this same position before it does nothing to help the “not knowing” factor. I’m really not good with that.

I think the two week wait crazies have hit me harder this cycle. I think I did a better job of staying calm during my other cycles. I think this time I’m even more anxious to have this work. I just don’t know how many more chances I’ll have at this. It just keeps feeling more and more like it’s now or never.

• Posted in : IVF Part 3: IVF #2
• Author : amanda

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