Manana Banana

parenthood after dealing with male factor infertility and multiple IVF cycles

• Home

Well, That Was Predictable February 28, 2005

I had my follow up appointment with my RE today. I don’t know why I was looking forward to it so much. I knew I wouldn’t get any answers.

My RE thinks our failures are caused by a sperm issue. She went on to say, though, that if I was older she would blame it on my eggs. Um, ok. Basically she doesn’t know why the hell this isn’t working, but I’ve heard that song and dance before. I’m totally over it.

I had the foresight to make an appointment with my OB/GYN for tomorrow. I knew I wanted to get some more blood tests done, and that’s the way to go if I want to have any chance of our insurance paying for it. I have to have that repeat beta just to confirm that my numbers have dropped all the way even though my body’s been confirming that all weekend. I’m also going to see about karyotyping, thyroid testing, and having a miscarriage panel done. My RE is totally not into the whole immune issues thing, but I’m going to ask my OB/GYN’s opinion. She specializes in infertility, and I’ve found her pretty knowledgeable in the past. I think my battle plan will be to just go in there tomorrow and have her run any and all tests that she’ll run for me.

I’m going to have a sonohystogram and endometrial biopsy done in a few weeks. I’m going to have both the standard endometrial biopsy, and the one that tests for the beta 3 integrin. The sonohystogram and standard EMB should hopefully be covered by insurance. The beta 3 one won’t be, however. I think it costs $500-600. Plus, I’ll probably have to drop another $500 to have the whole shebang done under anesthesia thanks to my wonky cervix.

I also have a call into my husband’s urologist to find out his opinion on SCSA testing on MESA sperm as well as to see about karyotyping for my husband. From what I’ve read, I’m not sure if the SCSA test will be applicable in our situation, but we’ll see.

I thought I’d be totally into all of this testing, because I’m dying to know what the hell is causing all of these failures. I have to say, though, that I’m dreading it all. I don’t want to go through all of that and spend even more money to find out nothing. On the other hand, I wouldn’t feel comfortable cycling again without doing the testing. My RE is doubtful that we’ll find anything definitive through all of the testing, but I guess there’s always a chance we could discover something that’s playing a role in all of this crap.

It’s so hard to keep fighting. My husband’s convinced his sperm is crap and that nothing we do will work. Who knows if he’s right. The thing is, though, that neither of us are ready to move on to other options: donor sperm, adoption, etc. We’re just not there, but my husband doesn’t think it’s a great idea to keep doling out tens of thousands of dollars for a zero chance of this IVF stuff working. I don’t think it’s a good idea to keep putting ourselves into debt with nothing to show for it, but I’m not sure that we don’t have a chance if we keep trying. I think if we had made crappy embryos then I might be able to jump ship more easily, but we didn’t. We’ve always had a good number of embryos make it to blast. I just don’t get how I keep killing them. [Yes, I know that there's no real way to know why those embryos aren't sticking, but that's how I feel. I feel like my body is failing me.]

What to do, what to do. My husband just wants to be done. I do, too, but only when I’ve got a child in my arms. I guess we’ll see what comes of these tests. Maybe a consult with another RE is in order at some point. I just don’t know. I hate that I have more questions than answers. Can someone please pass a crystal ball?

• Posted in : IVF Part 3: IVF #2
• Author : amanda

• Feeds

• Full
• Comments