Delayed Reaction March 3, 2005
I’ve been doing pretty well the past few days. Maybe too well. I’ve been treating this last failure the same as I did the past two, but you know what? It’s not the same. I think I’ve been in denial about that. Today things just came back and hit me. I had a lovely bawling in the shower moment that left my cat beyond puzzled.
I don’t know what you call what happened during this past cycle. I guess technically it ended in a chemical pregnancy or very early miscarriage. I’ve been doing my darndest to avoid both the “p-word” and “m-word.” I didn’t ever consider myself pregnant even after the positive beta. First of all, I never expected it to work, and secondly, I knew that our chances were beyond slim given that low beta. I don’t really know how I think of it, but I need to admit to myself that this was different than the other BFN’s.
When I went in for my appointment with my OB/GYN on Monday, the nurse asked me all of the standard questions. Then she asked, “Have you ever been pregnant?” I didn’t know what to say. I finally said, “Well, it depends on your definition of pregnant.” I then had to explain the whole beta situation. I don’t think I could ever answer that question with a flat out “Yes.” The nurse then asked my age. When I replied that I was 27 she said, “Oh, you have plenty of time to get pregnant then.” UGH! I politely replied that it didn’t matter how old I was that if it wasn’t working then it wasn’t working. I hate that “oh, you’re so young” crap. Don’t even get me started.
I digress. Anyway, I guess my point is that I don’t really know how to think about what happened. I don’t know how to categorize it. It’s a loss. That’s all I know. I guess that’s all that matters.
- Posted in : IVF Part 3: IVF #2
- Author : amanda
Comments»
A million hugs {{}} I’m so sorry this has been so rough for you and that that nurse had to say such an awful thing. It SUCKS to be told “you’re still young” – age signifies NOTHING. {{{{}}}}
My beta never went above 5.2. Barely pregnant, but I still consider it a miscarriage. The pain is real; the loss is real. This helped me: http://chezmiscarriage.blogs.com/chezmiscarriage/2003/12/a_matter_of_lan
UGGG. My OB told me ‘there’s no reason you can’t get pg’……hmmmmm four years, three failed IUIs and failed IVF I didnt go to medical school or anything but THAT SEEMS LIKE A REASON TO ME. I hate that shit. Sorry you got that. Noogies to her.
Dana
I hate the stupid age excuse thing. They have used that with me since I was 27. I am 34 now and when someone used it on me the last time around I politely reminded them it had been seven years. Despite being young it still wasn’t working.
I’m sorry this has been so difficult.
Amanda,
I’m so sorry you are going through all this. I feel like you are living my life 5-7 years ago. And I so relate to the “you’re still young” comments- we were 26 when we got our diagnosis of MFI and frankly, it doesn’t matter what age you are if the diagnosis is devastating.
Amanda,
I’m so sorry you are going through all this. I feel like you are living my life 5-7 years ago. And I so relate to the “you’re still young” comments- we were 26 when we got our diagnosis of MFI and frankly, it doesn’t matter what age you are if the diagnosis is devastating.
Amanda,
I’m so sorry you are going through all this. I feel like you are living my life 5-7 years ago. And I so relate to the “you’re still young” comments- we were 26 when we got our diagnosis of MFI and frankly, it doesn’t matter what age you are if the diagnosis is devastating.