To Post or Not to Post March 28, 2005
I post a lot on infertility message boards. Usually when I see a post about something I am knowledgeable about I comment away. This is especially true when someone posts about azoospermia. I remember so well what it felt like the day we got that unexpected news, and I want to be able to connect with other people going through the same thing.
The thing is, though, that I’m finding myself relunctant to post these days. I still post on my "buddy" threads, but not so much when someone is just starting out and looking for advice. Before I felt like not only could I offer other people in similar situations information but hope. When you’re first diagnosed with azoospermia the first question that weighs heavily on your mind is "will I ever be able to have biological kids?" I always used to pipe in and give the "azoospermia isn’t the end of the road" spiel. It’s true that there are options, but now I don’t feel like I can give hope to others. I feel like if I posted my experiences that I would just scare the crap out of people. Like I could just crush their hope with my story.
No one wants to hear that they could end up where I am right now. I see people posting about it all the time. "I sure hope I never have to do IVF" or "There’s no way I could see myself as one of those people who keep doing IVF over and over again, failed cycle after failed cycle." No one wants to think that they could end up in the big fat losers club.
So, I think good thoughts for those posters and close their posts without ever typing a single letter. Sure when someone’s been through the wringer I’ll post away, but it’s the hopeful newbie IFers who I don’t want to taint with my crappy story. It’s hard walking away from some of those posts, but until I can actually post something other than "you’re screwed now," I think I’m better off not posting anything at all. Maybe one day I’ll be able to go back and post my "inspirational story of determination and triumph." Maybe not. Right now, though, I’m just not comfortable with the fact that posting my story could discourage people when all I want to do is help.
- Posted in : various other ramblings
- Author : amanda
Comments»
Amanda - you have been through such a difficult time - I really do I hope I get to your triumphal story one day, but you’re already an inspiration! I can’t tell you how much you’ve helped me already on this awful journey!
I agree with the above comment that you’re an inspiration to many. You’re strong, smart, witty, and an all-around great gal who handles challenge after challenge head on. Yeah, you’re definitely an inspiration and a survivor–don’t ever forget that. And even if you don’t post for fear of discourgaing someone, know that I don’t think that’d be the case.
P.S. Love your new “home!”
Yeah I know what you mean. I post on a similar type board and some of the new infertiles drive me batty with their positive message. Always saying they “know” it worked this time. I often say nothing, because I know it won’t help. I really do think you are an inspiration to have endured what you have. I cannot wait to hear your story of triumph.
I was just thinking about this yesterday. I never post on any of the IVF forums anymore because, after 6 failed cycles, I don’t want to bring anyone down. Nor am I very excited about sharing much anymore.
First, LOVE the new home. It’s soooo pretty.
Second, I totally know what you mean. I feel the exact same way–this is in part why I left the board I was on all the time. I was either
A) A bummer and scared people
B) People got “jealous” I had moved on and they hadn’t yet
C) I got jealous of someone else’s luck.
So I left em and came here. I met some amazing women on those boards, though. When I was just beginning. they were lifesavers. But I’m not at that point anymore. I think at a certain point, you need other types of support–and you can offer other types of support.
I so know what you mean! After three failed IVFs I feel like all I could offer would be “I hope that it doesn’t turn out crappy, like it did for me!” or “Sorry your beta was so low! That happened to me, but it turned out to be an ectopic. Oh shoot. Well, I hope that doesn’t happen to you!” LOL. I’m glad you have the blog.
Yes, me too. I used to join lots of buddy lists at first, but it got a bit old after IVF #4 or something like that. I try to stay away from the newbies because the optimism is too much for me to handle now! Nobody wants to be the one who did 7 IVFs and never got pregnant…