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I Don’t Know How to Feel April 14, 2005

The first of my cycle buddies from my first IVF cycle has had her babies. And while I am so happy for her and her family it hurts to realize that people I cycled with are having real live babies while I’m… well, not even close. I don’t know if that will ever be me, and it breaks my heart.

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1. Suz - April 14, 2005

I peeked into IVF connections to see how people who cycled in March are doing and it almost broke my heart to see all the BFP’s. It’s the down-side of cycling with people; I’ll follow bloggers who are cycling the same time as me but I don’t think that I will seek out buddies for my next cycle.

I’m so sorry that you have to go through this, Amanda. It’s truly, truly a very hard thing.

2. jen/vintageuterus - April 14, 2005

I understand. Oh, do I understand. Hugs.

3. Jennie/womb-with-a-view - April 15, 2005

oh sweetling, there are no words i can type up to make this feel any less hurtful, it’s moments like these that make you want to scream “it’s not bloody fair” and that statement is right, it’s not fair, it’s another poke in the eye reminder of what we don’t have…
hugs lovely :o(

4. Jennie/womb-with-a-view - April 15, 2005

note the smiley face thingo up there isn’t meant to be there bloody emoticons!

5. Cat, Galloping - April 15, 2005

I’m very sorry. I used to post on one of those expecting club boards for June 2005 and I never went back once since the day of the miscarriage. I just couldn’t take it. Even now, as I’m back on the path, I’m still hurt and jealous that it’s a different path than the one I got on last September.

6. Jenn - April 15, 2005

It sucks hon. I never look for cycle buddies anymore. It hurts too much.

7. Danielle - April 15, 2005

Oh Amanda,

I know the anger and jealousy you speak of, I think we all do. I was supposed to have a one month old baby now. I went to the board where all the other mommies were and it was like a stake to the heart to see them with their new baby pics, but I went to the site anyway. I don’t remember but is that a sadist or masochist, either way it hurt like hell. It will make us the best damn parents when it finally does happen for all of us.

Glad kitty is doing better.

Enjoy the weekend.

8. Julianna - April 15, 2005

I know the feeling. I am still getting shit for not wanting to go to my sister’s BFs baby shower who is having her second baby in the time that I have been trying. It is so hard to stay so happy for them.

I know that sounds bitchy, but that is how I feel. I am happy for them but more sad for me.

9. Sheri - April 15, 2005

I am so sorry.

10. Pamplemousse - April 15, 2005

I am sorry, Amanda. I had to give up on buddy groups long ago cos I just couldn’t take it.

Onwards and upwards, OK?

11. cass - April 16, 2005

Oh I hear you. Our friends who generally do all the big things on the same schedule with us (getting married, buying a house) just had their IVF twins. Happy for them, but it’s so hard, too.

12. Amyesq - April 17, 2005

Isn’t it a sucky feeling? And she had twins? AHH even worse. Please remember it is OK to feel crappy about it. I feel crappy about it for you.

13. BrendaS - April 17, 2005

I’m sorry Amanda… I had to stop doing the buddy group thing a long time ago.. when I did my 1st IUI I joined a group of women over on Baby Center… and every single one of them is now working on #2. It’s frustrating to see everyone around you getting what YOU want so badly. I hate that you have to go thru this. :(