Keeping It All In Perspective April 24, 2005
It’s really hard when I’m in the midst of a cycle, especially when that cycle is going to shit, for me to be able to take a step back from it all. I get so invested in a cycle that when something totally crappy happens, like it did on Friday, that I lose it. Completely. That’s understandable, but sometimes I need to remind myself to look at the big picture.
One thing I’ve learned from blogging is that my emotions follow a pretty predictable pattern while cycling. It’s not easy to see this while in the midst of it all. In fact, it’s almost impossible, but by being able to read back through my posts written during past cycles it’s easier to see.
There comes a point in every cycle where I feel like I honestly can’t ever do this crap again. Ever. I just get to the end of my rope, and there’s nothing I can do about it. Friday was one of those days.
Even though I felt lower than low, and even though I am still so discouraged, I know that things are going to be ok. Eventually. Yes, I feel like crap now, and I may feel like it’s the end of the world on Friday when I get cancelled or on beta day when I get another negative. But, eventually I’ll be able to crawl out of that dark hole. I know I will. I just have to keep repeating that to myself. I’ve been through all of this crap before and survived, and I can do it again.
That’s the only thing that’s getting me through this right now. Knowing that I have it in me to do it. I don’t feel like it, but I know from past experience that I do. I know that the lows aren’t over for this cycle. They’ve very likely just begun, but I’ll make it. I just have to.
- Posted in : IVF Part 4: FET #2
- Author : amanda
Comments»
You will make it. It is so incredilby sucky right now, but you always manage to pull yourself up by the bootstraps and carry on.
Thinking of you.
What Julianna said is true – also cyclical is your capacity to bring yourself out of the dark and keep going. I’m thinking of you and hoping, hoping.
I’m so sorry for all of the crap you have been going through.
Thinking of you.