Paranoia Runs Rampent April 27, 2005
I definitely get paranoid while cycling. Ok, not just while cycling but more so while in the midst of this IVF crap. I just feel so superstitious about everything.
One way this paranoia manifests itself is in how I deal with my meds. With a FET I have lots of oral meds to take. I have one of those massive pill organizer things that has four separate compartments per day. I have to use this contraption or else I’ll forget to take everything I’m supposed to. Anyway, I only fill up the pill organizer through the next turning point in my cycle. Like this week I have my ultrasound appointment on Friday morning, so I only filled up the thing with my meds through Friday morning. There are no pills in the Friday afternoon, evening, or beyond compartments.
I can’t fill the rest of them up because I don’t know if I’ll be getting any further in this cycle than Friday morning. It just feels like I could jinx it or something. I do this even when cancellation doesn’t seem imminent.
I had to mess with my system today, though. I don’t have enough PIO to get through the entire weekend should I get the go ahead to start on Friday, so I had to order more today. It was very hard for me to order a refill “assuming” that I wouldn’t get cancelled on Friday, because I’m so not assuming that. I had to do it, though, because I would be PIOless should I actually get to proceed with this cycle.
I’m such a fruit loop that something like ordering a refill can get to me. It’s just that having meds lined up in my pill organizer or ordering a refill that I don’t know I’ll use makes me feel like I’m assuming that things will proceed as they should. The thing is, though, that I know what can happen when you just assume something’s going to work or even if you just hope it will. Nothing works out as planned in the crazy IVF world. At least not for me. That’s why it kills me to do anything that even remotely seems like I’m assuming things will work out, because I’ve learned better than to do something as crazy as that.
- Posted in : IVF Part 4: FET #2
- Author : amanda
Comments»
I am the same. A friend of mine, though, recommends the alternative as a way to outsmart the gremlins. Just assume that they cannot throw a particular curve ball, and work on that basis. Requires more optimism than I am capable of, but might be worth a try
And when (yes, WHEN!) you get pregnant, the paranoia will continue. I only do things like, say, buy the next bra size up immediately after appointments. If it’s been more than a day or two, I have to wait till the next one. And after I wrote that stupid disclaimer post on Monday, I was convinced I wouldn’t find the heartbeat again yesterday.
Sending good karma your way for Friday.
no need to worry, i took care of the delay-karma-bitch-fairy this week, your clear to make a run for it I’ve got her well covered so no delays comin your way :)
I am exactly the same – always thinking about potential jinxes. I never note ahead in my filofax about cycles/scans/dosages until it has been confirmed. Mind you, that system is not working that well for me so maybe I should just throw caution to the wind.
I am hoping it is fab news for you Friday!