I Think I’ve Done It May 11, 2005
I’ve managed to thwart Hope. I kicked her ass good, and she’s currently residing in the Intensive Care Unit. How dare she try to mess with me.
It wasn’t that hard to do actually. I read my post from yesterday a few hours after I had written it, and it just struck me. Who am I kidding? There’s no chance of this working. I should know better than that. Forget all of the embryo quality, lining thickness, ease of transfer crap. None of that matters. The fact of the matter is that this crap doesn’t work for me. It just doesn’t. I never get that lucky. Reality set back in quickly yesterday afternoon.
In case Hope gets any ideas about leaving the ICU before beta day, I’ve come up with a couple of plans to thwart her further. Plans in which the assumption is made that this cycle is going to go nowhere past beta day.
First of all, I’ve booked my husband and myself tickets to go visit his family in CA over the Memorial Day weekend. You see, if this cycle actually worked I wouldn’t want to fly then because the trip would fall between beta and the first ultrasound. Take that Hope.
Secondly, I’ve already scheduled a second opinion appointment to talk about the possibility of doing another fresh cycle with a new RE. I actually scheduled this appointment a couple of weeks ago. When I scheduled it originally I was trying to time it so that the appointment would fall about 4 or 5 days after beta. Well, since my FET cycle got delayed due to my lining issues, my consult now falls when? Oh, yes. On beta day. I thought about rescheduling it, but that’s what Hope would want. Not gonna happen. I’m keeping it the way it is.
So, I think I’m now winning the battle against Hope. That will teach her to fuck with me.
- Posted in : IVF Part 4: FET #2
- Author : amanda
Comments»
I dunno, I think hope is useful. Is it really possible to do this without any hope at all? Does it really make a negative result easier to deal with if you were never hopeful? I’m asking… obviously I haven’t been in your place. And if you can’t feel any hope at all, would you mind if I felt some on your behalf?
Plan B’s are good, though. I had/have one to meet one of my bestest friends in Barcelona this August.
Back up plans are always good and I am staying positive for you. I know how difficult it is. Stay cool!
Hi Cat. For me it does make it harder come beta day if my hopes have been up. It’s easier to fall from the 2nd floor than the 50th. I don’t know if I’ve always felt this way, but after being burned time and time again, it’s definitely easier for me. Sure if I had absolutely no hope of this EVER working then I wouldn’t keep doing this, but this is just one way of dealing with the pressure of the 2ww. I’d actually love it if you’d hope for me. You can help balance me and my pissy attitude out a bit.
Oh, Pamplemousse, my friend. I’m so far from cool that it’s not even funny.
Still keeping my fingers crossed for you. But hey, do whatever is necessary to keep yourself sane!!!!
Will be stalking for updates…
I’m like you, Amanda, I like other folks to hold hope for me, while I kick her to the curb. I went back and read your message about the transfer (again) and things do sound good, so I am very hopeful for you.
Okay then I am hope hope hoping away over here!
I’ll hope for you.
Hi Amanda,
Delurking to say I couldn’t agree with you more! I’m about to do my first FET (have done two IVFs) and like you I am ambivalent about Hope. That character is dubious and the disappointments many of us are familiar with do feel like falling 50 floors. I’m not optimistic about my FET either, but I feel Hope sneaking in sometimes. Anyway, I’ll be following your blog closely–and hoping for you but quietly and inconspicuously. Sending you all good thoughts.
A fan
I’ll be hoping for you too, Amanda.