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PIO Injections are Easier to Take When You’re a Little on the Drunk Side May 21, 2005

Ok, I know you’re thinking “Didn’t she just get the negative beta news yesterday? Why the hell would she still be yapping about injections?” More on that in a minute.

I had my consult yesterday afternoon, and it went very well. Sure, it’s a bit unorthodox to have a second opinion consult on beta day, but that’s ok. It actually turned out to be a smart move.

I guess we should have headed over to the big guns earlier, but you know what they say about hindsight. New RE and I went over all of our previous cycles and all of our testing. Here’s some interesting highlights:

- New RE said that most of their patients have multiple failed cycles under their belts when they walk in the door, so we’re no different that way.

- He didn’t think the beta 3 integrin test should be redone since there’s nothing that shows a definite relationship between the lack of the integrin and pregnancy. He basically said everything that went through my head when deciding not to redo the test.

- He said that he would never do assisted hatching on blasts like my former RE’s office did on all of our cycles. He said at that stage it can damage the embryos. Interesting.

- He said that we should consider a day 3 transfer since we’ve done four blast transfers without success.

- He didn’t think that my lining appeared to be an issue since it’s always been 7.5 and thicker (9 and thicker on fresh cycles) and has always had a good triple stripe. He said he’s had pregnancies with much thinner linings.

- Not once did new RE make me feel like our failed cycles were our fault. My former RE had a knack for this. She was very good at blaming everyone but herself.

- He said that we still have a good chance at this. That was the only time that I teared up during the consult.

So, here’s the plan. I’m to redo cycle day 3 blood work and start birth control pills on CD3 of this upcoming cycle. I need a couple other tests done like Cystic Fibrosis, and my husband needs his communicable blood work redone. I’m also going to have a hysteroscopy, ultrasound, and mock transfer done sometime during CD6-10.

The best course of action regarding my difficult transfers will be decided based on the hysteroscopy and mock transfer findings, and my protocol will be decided after measuring my antral follicle count. He did say I stimmed fine on the long Lupron protocol, so it looks like I might be on that again.

Now back to the title of this post. I’m being a little tricky. The thing is that I have to have blood work done on cycle day 3. Normally that wouldn’t be an issue. However, we’re going out of town on Thursday. If I had stopped PIO yesterday then I’m almost positive given my experiences in past cycles that CD 3 would end up falling during the time period that we’re out of town. So, I’m staying on PIO for a few more days so that CD3 will happen sometime after we get back in town. Yes, I’m probably the first person in history to keep jabbing themselves in the ass after a negative beta. Sometimes ya gotta do what ya gotta do, though. Last night I got my shot after a evening of enjoying some tasty margaritas. I gotta say that it didn’t hurt nearly as badly that way.

I have to admit that the decision to cycle once again was so much harder this time. The financial considerations are just astounding to think about. New clinic is a big gun clinic with a big gun price tag. It will cost $5K more to cycle there than at my former clinic. Plus, doing this fresh cycle will bring us to the $50K mark. That’s just fucking scary. We’ll be paying for this crap forever.

It’s not just the financial stuff. This crap is hard emotionally, too. Very. It’s hard to cycle again and again. It’s hard to get your heart broken again and again.

I think we need to do this last cycle, and it will be our last, for a few reasons. We’re just not at the point where we’re ready to consider other options. We may be someday, but we’re just not there yet. We also don’t want to look back and wonder what if. I really don’t want “What if we had just done a cycle with a different clinic?” floating around in my head forever.

Also, this consult did something to relieve the hopeless factor a bit. Of course, I’m not skipping around thinking this is going to work, but I don’t feel like we’re a completely hopeless case anymore. Who really knows if this next cycle will end any differently than any of the others, but I feel like we have more of a chance with the new RE.

You know what, though? I’m scared. So completely terrified. I have to say that adding “IVF #5″ as a new category to my blog doesn’t help matters any. In fact it pretty much freaks me the fuck out.

I’m scared to go through all of this crap again. I’m scared to have a hysteroscopy and mock transfer done while I’m actually awake. I’m scared of spending so much money. I’m scared of doing it all again for nothing.

I don’t feel like we’ve reached the end, though. Not yet.

• Posted in : IVF Part 5: IVF #3
• Author : amanda

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