It’s Finally Done June 17, 2005
Operation sperm transpo is complete. I wish I was in the mood to celebrate, but I’m just not.
I got to new clinic early this morning to pick up the tank. After waiting for a while, I was given a form to sign that said I would need to put down a $1500 deposit for the tank and pay a $100 fee for the pleasure of using it. Given the fact that no one told me I was going to have to pay to use it, this came as quite a shock.
Then my IVF coordinator called me back and said she had something to discuss with me. My husband’s sperm would not be stored as we thought it would.
My husband’s first HIV, Hep B & C, and all of those other fun communicable tests were not done until after he had the surgery where the sperm was retrieved. The primary purpose of that surgery was to bypass the blockages so that we wouldn’t have to do IVF. Having the comminicables tests done beforehand was never mentioned to us. Obviously, the surgery wasn’t successful, and as a result the urologist had to retrieve sperm so we could jump into IVF hell.
The fact that the tests were done after the surgery instead of before has never been a problem in the past, but apparently regulations have changed since then. It now makes a difference. I was told that because of this that my husband’s sperm would have to be stored in a tank with samples of unknown status.
After getting the money blow and then the unknown status blow, I just lost it. I couldn’t stop the tears. Getting dealt all of this on top of my current state of moodiness and depression compliments of my friend, the birth control pill, was just too much.
I asked (ok, maybe more like demanded) to talk to someone about the whole unknown status situation, and my RE happened to have an extra minute. I sat there with tears dripping down my face while he explained the current regulations and their ramifications to me. Basically, because my husband’s sample was frozen before he had the communicable tests done, it was of unknown status initially. This means that other samples that it was stored with could have been of unknown status. So, even though we know that his sperm is not infected, we can’t be sure that it wasn’t stored with other sperm that were.
I realize the chances of actually contracting a disease as a result of my husband’s sperm being stored in the unknown status tank are very slim. It’s still upsetting, though. It’s just one more thing to add to the worry list.
It’s a good thing that I’m not one of those people who feel that it’s essential to make the best impression on their doctors. I do believe both “I’ve turned into a big depressed mega bitch” and “I hate this shit so damn much” came out of my mouth in front of my RE. Oops.
I guess one good thing came out of my meltdown, though. After my RE saw me in tears, he agreed to waive the $100 charge to use the tank.
The actual transportation of the sperm went pretty well. I dealt solely with the one person at my old clinic with whom I still get along, so that was good. Plus, no one gave me one bit of trouble about bailing the sperm out of there. Of course, no one besides the person I was dealing with said one word to me, but whatever.
The only part of the transportation that I had a problem with was the tank itself. It was sooooooo heavy. I’ve carried a cryo tank before, but this one was so much heavier. I’m just a little thing, and I had a lot of trouble carrying that behemoth of a tank. Why don’t they put wheels on those things? I made it, though. I’m already so sore as a result. I can’t even imagine how I’m going to feel in the morning. I’m just glad I didn’t break anything.
So, this did not turn out to be the day of celebration that I thought it would be. Sitting in my old clinic’s waiting room was hard. It brought back all of the bad memories of my past cycles. Dealing with all of the unexpected crap was hard, too. And mostly just dealing with my out of control emotions was the hardest.
I literally had an “I’m done” moment as a result of all of this. I was sitting there in tears and just had a major urge to stand up and say “I’m outta here.” I just didn’t want to have to deal with any it anymore.
Obviously, I didn’t. I can’t quit right now. I just can’t. The thing I’m having a hard time with right now, though, is being able to reach down and find the strength to get through all of this. I know it’s in there. I’m just having a hard time accessing it. I think I’ll be able to get to it much more easily once I’m off of these damn birth control pills. I hope I can make it until then.
- Posted in : IVF Part 5: IVF #3
- Author : amanda
Comments»
I love you, and I am so proud of you. I know handling all of this crap has been tough, especially with me working so much, but you’ve done a great job. We’re going to make it!
Can I just say I think it’s really sweet that your hubs comments on the blog? Really. Bonus points for Dan.
Sorry it was such a frustrating day. I totally hear you on the breakdown at the doctor’s office. I think preserving the image of yourself as peaceful and angelic is a waste of time - let them see the real you, and if they don’t like the realness then that’s just tough. Plus, the crying thing can get you all sorts of better treatment (like the free tank, after all that).
BIG bonus points in my book too. I’m jealous, my dh barely reads mine let alone comments.
Big hugs for you! I’m sorry it turned out so shitty, but it could get better now right? Some bad to blaance good? You’re due for lots of good now right?
I’m so sorry, Amanda, but I’m so glad that the transition ordeal is over for you. Refunding the money for the tank is the least that your new RE could do but by doing so, he showed that he was actually listening, which is a huge plus in my book. I agree with your sweet husband. You guys will make it!
I am delurking just long enough to tell you that you have every right to feel the way you do…I applaud your strength and your willingness to share your trials with your readers. Infertility is so hard, and its treatments are often even more difficult to bear…
I’ll be sending you tons more “strength” vibes to help you carry on with this process.
(How wonderful is that husband of yours?? You are one lucky woman :))
Take care,
**vibes** from Canada
Amanda, you are the queen of getting the short end of the stick.
I’m glad you finally were able to bail the sperm out of the fertility clinic from hell.
Hopefully this will be the only snafu you encounter at the new clinic.
Oh, Amanda, I just had a chance to catch up. I’m so sorry. It is so so so hard sometimes dealing with the bureaucracies and all the stresses that often seem to accompany the IVF path. We wear our hearts on our sleeves. Take good care of yourself, sweetie.
I’m glad to hear that the sperm was finally transported. I hope the rest of the process goes a little smoother.
I’m so sorry for all that you are having to go through. I hope things look up for you soon.
Keep on telling the people around you - including the RE - what life is really like right now. They need to hear that stuff. Well done for getting through this, and I hope the BCPs ease up on the pain they are causing you a bit
So glad that’s done. Hopefully things will get better from this point on. I don’t understand why it matters if your husband’s sperm is stored with other unknown sperm? It’s not like they’re swimming around together. A disease couldn’t get from one tank to another, could it? Isn’t it just a labeling thing? Or am I missing something?
You are being SO strong, and doing SUCH a great job! I know it doesn’t feel like it where you are now, but I can tell you that I am greatly impressed by your perseverance. I’m so sorry you have to go through all these extra layers of crap. Best of luck to you for having a stress-free cycle.
Glad that hideous ordeal is finally behind you. I had a similar break down in my last RE’s office but I’m actually glad that I lost it in front of him and his evil nurse. I really think that sometimes REs need to be reminded just how stressful IVF (and IF in general) is on their patients—especially when it is their own clinic’s red tape and or incompetance that is making things that much harder to deal with.
Is it wrong that I’m a little in love with your husband right now?
And I agree - I think that a meltdown in front of one’s RE is sometimes warranted and can to great things.
Here’s hoping they get their s— together now for you…
Amanda,
I hear you about the bcp’s. I start them next month to prepare for a FET and am dreading it. I can’t believe all the crap you’ve had to go through recently. I know it may not seem like it to you but you’re actually dealing with things rather well under the circumstances! You have no idea how much of an inspiration you are. Hang in there!
Staci
Thanks you guys. Y’all are the best.
Cat- As far as the chance of a sample being infected by another sample in the “unknown status” tank goes, it’s very rare. However, there has been an instance where a vial of sperm was broken in a tank and infected other sperm in the same tank. Obviously, the chance of that happening is slim. I was upset because it’s just one more thing on top of everything else.