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Fuck. July 20, 2005

I really wanted to be able to post one of those “Yay, I get to trigger tonight” kind of posts. I should know better than to think that things might go well. My shitty luck always comes back to find me.

My ultrasound this morning did not bring great news. My lining has managed to shrink to 7.5mm. Great. My RE is happy with anything over 7, but I’m not. Sure, it’s a lovely triple stripe, but it’s too thin.

The real kicker is that my right ovary has totally shut down. The follicles on that side really haven’t grown any since Monday. So now I’m essentially working with one fucking ovary. Fantastic. The largest follicle on that side is a measly 12.7, so it looks like I won’t get any mature eggs from that side.

My left side is ready to trigger, though, so I’ll be doing so tonight for a Friday ER. I’ve got a 22.3, 19.0, 18.4, 15.5, 15.3, and 12.6 on the left, so we’re looking at probably 5-6 mature eggs max. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

The whole last shot cycle thing is kicking into high gear now that I know for sure that we won’t have anything to freeze. I’ve been crying all morning.

God, I hope we actually have something to transfer. This shit sucks so badly. I just want it to be over.

Comments»

1. susie - July 20, 2005

All good thoughts for Friday. I am hoping for the very best for you. I’m so sorry about the disappointment.

2. Sheri - July 20, 2005

I am so sorry Amanda! Best wishes and thoughts for you.

3. Lisa - July 20, 2005

I’m so sorry about the disappointing visit. I know how stressful this must be and there’s no easy way to deal with it, it just sucks. Here’s hoping this is the last of the disappointment.

4. Leggy - July 20, 2005

Ugh- I’m sorry. You just can’t seem to catch a break, can you? Praying that you end up with a couple good ones to transfer.

5. Fuzzy - July 20, 2005

Oh I’m so so so sorry! This sucks! (what an UNDERSTATEMENT) I’m keeping my fingers crossed and hoping for a miracle that’ll turn this cycle for the better.. I can’t imagine how heartbroken and discouraged you must feel right now :( It breaks me to see you go through so much crap and :( :( :(
HUGE hugs and all my best finger-crossing vibes

6. cass - July 20, 2005

Oh sweetie. I am crossing all crossables that things pick up (or that the self-selection has provided you with the 5 or 6 most kick ass eggs there are). I’ll be thinking of you.

7. Suz - July 20, 2005

Oh, Amanda, I’m so sorry that you’re going through all of this. This process is so terrifying and so sad. I’m hoping with all my heart that the eggs you have will be enough.

8. Cat, Galloping - July 20, 2005

I wish there was something I could say other than that I’m truly hoping for you.

9. MM - July 20, 2005

Fucking ovaries. Fucking lining. Why can’t a girl catch a fucking break?? Sincerely hoping that the retrieval brings good news.

10. Angela - July 20, 2005

I’m so sorry to hear that!!! I’m hoping things get better by Friday, let us know how it goes.

11. Katie - July 20, 2005

I’m so sorry that things aren’t looking better. My thoughts are with you for Friday!

12. Kari - July 20, 2005

Ugh. My left ovary sucks, too. Hopefully there are some hidden follicles in there… Good luck on Friday!

13. Kari - July 20, 2005

I mean, I have a sucky ovary, but it’s my left one. Maybe we should pair up your left with my right. :)

14. dawn - July 20, 2005

hang in there, my friend. Remember, my last IVF yielded only 4 eggs (and until retrieval they only saw 3), 3 embryos and by transfer day only one was left. We know the rest.

It ain’t over til it is over - I know you don’t want me to say that, but it is the truth sometimes. Hang in there, we’re all rooting for you!

15. Em - July 20, 2005

My lining’s playing up as well. 4mm on day 10! This happens every time. I think it was 8mm first cycle and 10 last cycle. How thick is it meant to be?

16. amanda - July 20, 2005

Thanks guys.

Em- Most RE’s like to see a lining of at least 8mm. Some like to see at least 9mm. Mine seems to be fine with anything over 7mm. 7.5 makes me nervous, though.

17. Cathy - July 20, 2005

Amanda, I’m thinking of you, sending you, your lining, and both ovaries lots of good thoughts. Hang in there. This process does do a job on the best of us. I hope it helps to know you’ve got a fan club rooting for you!

18. Emily - July 20, 2005

I’m sorry. This blows. I’ll be sending good thoughts your way.

19. amyesq - July 20, 2005

Oh for fuck’s sake! I would be so pissed off if I were you! I am so sorry. How can a lining freaking shrink? I guess if the dr is still optimistic that is good, but I don’t blame you for being quite peeved.

20. Menita - July 20, 2005

Crapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrap.
(all right now positive thoughts quickly)
I will cross everything so hard for you for the next few days that circulation will stop in my hands. Go left ovary go, and universe give this woman a break already!

21. Kim - July 21, 2005

Amanda, just wanted to offer you support. Fingers crossed over here…

22. Thalia - July 21, 2005

So sorry Amanda. It must just feel horrible right now. I hope things look up overnight and that the left ovary eggs are ready to go.

23. Pamplemousse - July 21, 2005

Amanda, this must be so, so disappointing for you and I have been there too. I am sure that you will have some good-quality eggs retrieved and that things can still work out. I know you will be finding it so hard to be positive but let us do it for you.

24. Julianna - July 21, 2005

Thinking of so much and crossing my fingers.

Hang in there.

25. Anonymous - July 21, 2005

I’d remind you that it’s quality that matters more than quantity but I sense you are not in the mood for that kind of talk right now and, honestly, I’m sure I would be in a shitty mood about this whole situation too. I’m just keeping my fingers crossed that Friday will bring some good news.