A Title Containing No Expletives July 21, 2005
I have calmed down a little since yesterday’s post. I was so far from calm then. Could ya tell? It’s just really hard to keep getting slammed. I mean, I should know better than to get my hopes up for any of this, but it’s still hard when things take a turn for the worst.
I’m officially triggered now. Boy, did that sucker bleed. It’s done, though. I wish I could say that today was a needle free day, but it wasn’t. I had to go in for some post trigger blood work this morning. My new RE checks E2 the day after trigger to make sure it hasn’t dropped. Apparently that affects exactly when retrieval will take place. Mine has continued to rise from 1201 yesterday to 1362 today, so at least that’s good news.
I did something today that I have been putting off for a long time. I took in all of my sharps containers. I had six. I haven’t been able to get rid of them before now. I figured it would be easier to say goodbye to my piles and piles of needles while I’m feeling down on this IVF stuff.
I know it sounds silly that those sharps containers had such a hold over me, but they did. They represented all that I’ve gone through throughout these five cycles. They were like a badge of courage or something. It’s hard to show how much I’ve sacrificed throughout all of this, but that was a physical representation of what I’ve been through. It was tangible proof.
It’s hard to start letting go. Really hard. I’m not ready. Not even close.
I really can’t go there right now, so I’m going to stop typing now. I just need to take this one day a time, one step at a time. Retrieval is tomorrow at 10:00. I’m hoping to survive that in one piece.
Thank you all for helping me through all of this. I don’t know what I’d do without my friends inside the computer.
- Posted in : IVF Part 5: IVF #3
- Author : amanda
Comments»
I understand about letting go of the sharps.
Best wishes for a beautiful retrieval!
I’m glad you’re doing a bit better today. Sending you lots of good thoughts for a successful retrieval tomorrow.
*Good Thoughts*
Taking things one step at a time… I wish you a smooth retrieval tomorrow.
Wow, thank you for posting this. I thought I was being weird, or something. We just got a negative on our first IVF (also MI), and every day I stare at that stupid jar of needles, but I just can’t let it go. Not yet. Don’t know why.
That, and the 8 stupid prometrium supp’s I have left, sitting in the fridge, mocking me every time I open the door…
Good luck tomorrow - my fingers and toes are crossed for you.
Um, yeah. I regularly visit a half-used vial of Gonal-F that sits in my fridge. The stuff’s not good anymore, I’ll never inject it, but it does remind me of how much we’ve gone through so far. The sharps container we got rid of the day of our retrieval… I don’t think my husband wanted it around - reminded him of his cancer treatment, something he’s happy to let go of. Buckets and buckets of good luck to you on your retrieval tomorrow!
I can imagine that getting rid of those sharps containers was a big step for you.
I’m glad to hear that everything is going well so far. I will be thinking of you tomorrow and wishing good things.
Take care.
Oh, sweetie, I have three sharps containers collected over the last year. Although I’ve never thought about it, it would be hard to hand them over. My thoughts are with you for retrieval.
I’m pulling for you with all my might. ALL MY MIGHT.
I understand about the sharps. I still have ours.
Thinking of you and hoping for good things for you.
Thinking of you so much.
I hope you sleep well tonight.
Thinking of you.
Yep, my sharps container is still under my kitchen counter, right next to my hand held electric mixer. I have no idea why my husband and I chose that particular storage space (my guess is that people were coming over and we stashed the thing there, thinking we’d retrieve it later and then never did), but it seems to work. I’ll be thinking of you tomorrow.
Delurking to wish you such good luck tomorrow.
I never want to keep those dayglo yellow containers as they clash with the decor!
Thinking good thoughts for you today.
Good luck, Amanda!
hey lovely
sending you good egg maturing thoughts for a productive retrieval. hope it all goes easily for you and you get a bumper crop of ferts.
best of luck to you sweetling
Good luck at retrieval. I am thinking of you.