An Easier Decision Than I Expected August 31, 2005
After several attempts to get through on our iffy phone lines courtesy of the hurricane, I got ahold of my IVF coordinator in Houston yesterday. The first thing she told me was that I needed to go back for another ultrasound next week. I was stunned. There was no question in my mind that yesterday’s ultrasound was the final nail in the coffin. She said she would talk to my RE and call me back.
After some more phone line nonsense, I talked to her again later yesterday afternoon. She said that my RE agreed with me that there was no need for another ultrasound. It doesn’t matter whose equipment you’re using, if you’re seeing a sac that measures 2.5 weeks behind with no fetal pole or heartbeat at 7.5 weeks, it’s over. Thank goodness I don’t have to go through more ultrasound torture.
I then talked to her about my options as to how to proceed. I already knew what they were: 1) natural miscarriage, 2) drug induced miscarriage, or 3) D&C, but I wanted their opinion on the matter. She said that my RE preferred that I go the natural route, but that I could do the drug induced thing or D&C if I wanted to use the RE here.
I was really torn yesterday. I’ve never done this before, so I had no clue what to do. I know that doing the natural thing can be very painful and it could potentially mean quite a wait. On the other hand, using the meds to get things started would eliminate the wait but would require more monitoring and could cause some not so nice side effects. Then there’s the D&C. Obviously, that gets things over and done with in one fell swoop, but it would have to be done with a doctor who I really don’t know or trust.
I decided to sleep on it last night. Today my body made the decision for me. I stopped PIO yesterday, enjoying my first “no giant injection in my ass” night in 5.5 weeks, and to my surprise, I’ve already started spotting today. I really didn’t expect that to happen this quickly, but it’s a signal to me that my body is ready to do it’s thing, so I’m going to let it.
Thank you all for all of your support throughout all of this. I honestly don’t think I could make it without you guys.
It’s Over August 30, 2005
I went into this morning’s ultrasound expecting the worst, and that’s what we got. The gestational sac had only grown 2mm in a week, and there was still no fetal pole or heartbeat. I’m 7w4d today, so both of those should have been there. Obviously, it’s over.
I hate that I have to sit here and decide how to handle the miscarriage thing. Fuck, I hate that. I talked to the RE here about my options, but I don’t really know how we’ll proceed. They faxed the results to my RE in Houston, so I’m sure I’ll be hearing from them today. I will definitely be discussing the best way to handle this with them.
I hate that we don’t have answers. It looks like due to the small size of the sac (8mm) and the lack of a fetal pole that karyotyping has a good chance of not being accurate. We’ve already done all of the tests that are usually done in this situation. Karyotyping for me and hubby, immune testing, clotting testing, hysteroscopy, endo biopsy, sperm DNA fragmentation testing, etc. Normal, normal, normal. I’m assuming that this loss was due to a chromosomal problem, but I guess we’ll never really know for sure.
I honestly don’t know where we’re going to go from here. I guess today’s not the day to be making those kind of decisions, but I do know that my husband and I will start talking about all of that. I think that’s part of the healing process.
I know that we’ll make it through this. It’s not going to be easy, and it’s something neither one of us ever wanted to experience, but we will make it. This shit is not going to win.
I Need More Distractions August 29, 2005
I hate that Katrina is wreaking havoc across the South, but I have to say that staying glued to the TV to watch what she was up to this weekend was a great distraction from the whole ultrasound thing.
We ended up on the very west edge of the storm. It’s been pretty windy and fairly rainy here today, but it’s really not been that bad. My heart goes out to all of the people to the east of us who are getting hit badly right now.
We haven’t lost power yet (knock on wood) so I’m assuming my appointment is still on for tomorrow morning, and I am freaking out big time. My heart is beating quickly, and I’m filled with nervous energy.
I really think we’re going to go in there tomorrow and find out that it’s all over, and that terrifies me beyond belief. I would love to be wrong. Oh, how I would love to be wrong, but I’m scared that I won’t be. I don’t want this to be over. I don’t want to be crushed yet again.
It really felt like tomorrow morning would never come. I mean, time has been ticking by so fucking slowly. Now it’s almost here, though, and I don’t know if I’m ready. I guess you can’t really ever be ready for something like that.
I can see my life going in one of two different directions. It’s like I’m standing in the fork of the road right now waiting for fate to tell me which way to go. I obviously don’t know what lies way down either path, but I sure know which one I’d rather be heading for come tomorrow.
Stay Away Katrina August 28, 2005
Nothing like a hurricane to take your mind off of an impending ultrasound. As of right now it looks like we’re just expecting tropical storm strength wind and rain here, so we’ll most likely be ok to say put. You never really know what those crazy hurricanes will do, though. It kind of makes me nervous that Katrina hasn’t made it’s major turn to the north yet. The longer it waits, the more chance we have of it affecting our area.
Yesterday I went to the store to stock up on hurricane supplies. It was so freaking insane. I’ve never seen a store more packed than that. I got what I needed, though, so it was worth the craziness.
Katrina looks like a total biatch. I feel so badly for the people to the east of us. I’m so glad that New Orleans and the surrounding areas are now under mandatory evacuation. It’s going to be so freaking bad.
I know it’s selfish, but I really hope that Katrina doesn’t screw with my ultrasound appointment. This has literally been the longest week of my life. I really don’t want to wait any longer than Tuesday to find out what’s going on in there.
I have no clue if we’ll lose power here tomorrow or not. You better believe that I’m glued to the TV right now, though. This is going to be one of the worst hurricanes to hit in a very long time, and it’s pretty darn scary. I guess we’ll know more about the extent of the damage come tomorrow. Until then I guess all we can do is watch and wait.
Just Call Me Crazy August 26, 2005
Maybe I spoke a little too soon about the whole symptom thing. The nauseousness (is that even a word?) seems to have come back (knock on wood). I know it probably means nothing with regards to whether or not things are going to work out, but it makes me feel a little better about things while I wait to find out our fate.
I think I’m certifiable. This morning I found myself with the checkbook in one hand and a calculator in the other trying to figure out if there’s any way we could afford to squeeze out another fresh cycle. Don’t tell my husband. He’d kill me. Oh, yeah, he reads my blog. Shit. [Honey, please just disregard this paragraph. You so didn’t read that.]
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not giving up on this… um, I don’t know what to call it, but I’m not giving up on our current situation yet. I think I probably will have to after we see what’s going on with the ultrasound on Tuesday, but it’s not over until it’s over.
I want this to work out so much. So fucking much, but what if it doesn’t? What will we do then? I know I shouldn’t even be thinking about that right now, but I can’t help it. I would be stupid to do another cycle, but I can’t help but think about it.
Yes, my brain is fucking with me good right now. I’m just so scared. I’m scared of being so heartbroken that I won’t know which way to turn. I’ve already shed so many tears over this, and we haven’t even gotten the final nail in the coffin. I can only imagine what’s going to happen if this doesn’t work out. I hope I don’t have to find out, but I know the chances are good that I will. Have I said how much this crap sucks?
Symptom Insanity August 25, 2005
I’m an obsessor by nature, so it’s no surprise that I’m in major obsessing mode right now. My focus for the day is symptoms: lack of symptoms, lessening of symptoms, etc. Here’s the recap.
Exhaustion: Gone. I am no longer crashing during the day or needing a nap.
Sick/nauseous feeling: Gone. I don’t wake up feeling sick or end up feeling nauseous if I don’t eat enough.
Boobs: Still sore but not nearly as much as before. I can actually touch them without wincing.
Pg brain: Gone. I’m thinking pretty clearly these days even if it is about stuff like this.
Obviously this isn’t a good thing. It’s either my head fucking with me, my body deciding to do something funky, or it’s a bad sign. Who the hell knows.
I know a lot of people say that symptoms tend to wax and wane anyway. That’s all fine and good unless you’re dealing with a situation that you know has a good chance of not ending well. I mean just google “loss of pregnancy symptoms” and you’ll find a bigillion sites on miscarriage.
I really don’t know if this means anything, but I’m scared that it does. The only symptom I had early on was sore boobs, so it would make sense that I still have that even if my levels have dropped. The other stuff I didn’t get until later on, so it would make sense that those would be the first to go if my levels started to go the wrong way.
I know I shouldn’t be obsessing about this stuff, but I just can’t help it. What else am I supposed to do right now? There just no such thing as a distraction from this stuff.
I’m Not Liking Reality August 24, 2005
Thank you all so much. I honestly don’t know how I would have made it through yesterday without all of you, my blogland friends.
I woke up this morning and for a split second thought that yesterday could have just been a bad dream. Then reality hit, and it hit hard.
I honestly don’t understand why this stuff has to be so hard. When we started down the IVF path, I really thought that if we could just get that illusive positive beta that things would work out. That theory got blown out of the water after my chemical on our second fresh cycle. Then I thought that if I could just get past the doubling beta stage that we’d be ok. Um, not so much.
As much as I’ve been scared to utter the “p-word” (still haven’t, by the way, and I’m not to about to start now) thinking about having to use the “m-word” terrifies me a bigillion times more. I know there hasn’t been a final word on our current situation, but that’s a definite possibility. I don’t know how I’ll survive that.
Last night I went to the grocery store for an ice cream run (yesterday was definitely an ice cream worthy day) and I couldn’t help but notice all of the families. I just stared at a mom shopping with her two daughters and thought over and over again about how I very well may never have that. My heart just breaks thinking about that.
I want this to work so much. The phrase “please don’t let this be over” keeps playing in my head like a broken record.
I know the reality, though. It makes no difference to me that the ultrasound tech kept telling me that she sees this all of the time with IVF patients and that I really shouldn’t worry about it. I’ve done the research (boy, have I done the research) and I know what we’re dealing with. I guess there’s a chance of a happy ending, but when have we ever fallen into the lucky side of the odds before?
I’m really scared. I don’t think I’ve ever been more scared. I’m trying to take it one day at a time, but even that is hard. I wish someone could just knock me out until next Tuesday, because this is torture.
Can I Please Catch a Fucking Break? August 23, 2005
Today is the first day I’ve cried in a long time. I wish I could say they were tears of joy.
I thought my ultrasound was going well at first. I immediately saw a black hole on the screen. I knew that had to be a gestational sac, and it was. Then we were shown the yolk sac. Even better.
Then things started to go downhill. There was no fetal pole. There was no heartbeat. And then I found out that the gestational sac was measuring over a week behind. This was not what I wanted to hear. Not even close.
I’m 6w4d today. We should have been able to see more. I got the “late implanter” speech. I was told not to worry, that things happen in their own time. I guess that could be the case, but I know what’s more likely.
My next ultrasound was supposed to be in two weeks, but you better believe that I got one scheduled for a week from today. I don’t know how I’ll make it one week, but I know I couldn’t make it two.
I don’t know how to deal with this. I’d like to hope that we’ll see a miracle next Tuesday. I’m terrified of the alternative. I don’t know what to do but cry.
Just Thinking Out Loud August 22, 2005
Don’t mind me. I’m just trying to distract myself until tomorrow.
I’ve been thinking a lot about where I fit in, how to proceed with my blog, how to handle posting with my buddy groups, etc. Obviously, tomorrow’s ultrasound could change everything. It could go well, and I’ll find myself in uncharted territory, or it could go badly, and I’ll find myself in that familiar world of heartbreak.
I find it interesting when people comment about how people handle their blogs or posts once they get that positive beta. About how some people do it with consideration of others and some don’t. I know I’m not handling all of this well. I try to be considerate, but I’m floundering around in the unknown so much that I have no clue if I’m being considerate enough. The last thing I would want to do is make people feel uncomfortable.
I know I’m caught up in my drama right now, though. I don’t know how else to get through this.
The thing is that I don’t think very many people intend to be inconsiderate or forget how it felt to get that negative beta, etc. I think it’s just hard to find your place in all of this, especially if you’ve been in the trenches for a good while.
I don’t ever want to make people feel badly, but I also know that this is my outlet. I can say things here that I can’t say anywhere else. Of course, this may all be a moot point come tomorrow.
I’m Not This Patient
I should be in an exam room with my legs up in stirrups right now. Obviously I’m not. My phone rang at 7:00 this morning. It was the RE’s office here calling to reschedule my ultrasound for tomorrow. Fuckers. Don’t they know that will cause me another day of sitting here petrified? Don’t they know that will cause me another night of no sleep?
Life in our new home town is very laid back and things move at a pretty slow pace. I get the feeling it shouldn’t be a big deal for me to wait another day. Are they crazy? I don’t know if I’m a big city girl, but I definitely move at a big city pace. I don’t do well with waiting, and I sure as hell am not laid back.
It’s so weird to live like that. I guess some people like it, but it drives me crazy. I mean, the post office isn’t even open on Saturday here. What’s up with that? When people say work starts at 9:00, they really mean 9ish. I guess that’s ok, but it would throw me off. This being patient stuff doesn’t work for me.
My first instinct upon hanging up was to call my RE’s office in Houston to try to go back to the original schedule of doing my ultrasounds there. That’s not going to happen for a couple of reasons, though. First of all, driving eight hours by myself just isn’t a good idea. I’d probably fall asleep behind the wheel. Secondly, I need my husband to be able to come with me. I need him to be able to hold me up when I feel wobbly. Plus, he deserves to be there. He’s gone through so much, too, and he definitely deserves to be sitting next to me.
So, I’ll just be sitting here attempting to cool my jets until tomorrow morning. What a long day it’s going to be.
Like I Wasn’t Nervous Enough August 21, 2005
I started spotting today. It wasn’t heavy and seems to be leaving me alone for the time being, but it still freaked me the fuck out. I’ve spent the entire day petrified. I am so glad my ultrasound is scheduled for tomorrow. 8:30 am can not come fast enough.
I’m Not Ready August 19, 2005
My ultrasound was supposed to be today. The truth is that I’m mostly glad that it’s not. My husband’s new insurance doesn’t kick in until Monday, so that’s when I rescheduled it to. We’ve done the out of pocket thing plenty, so I figure it’s worth a weekend wait to finally get something paid for.
I’m just not ready for it. I doubt I’ll be ready on Monday either. Can you really ever be ready for that? I just don’t want it to be over, and there’s a chance that it will be. Obviously if it is, then it already is, but it’s the ability to believe that it might not be that I’m liking right now. I don’t want reality to come back and kick me in the ass once again.
I don’t have any reason to believe that the ultrasound will bring bad news, but I don’t have any reason to believe that it won’t. Ack. I’m rambling, but I can’t help it. I’m scared.
I wonder if this weekend will go by quickly or slowly. For once, I’m not dying for time to fly by. I mean, I am, but I’m not. Can you tell I’m conflicted? I just don’t know what the hell I’m doing. All I know is that I don’t want it to be over.
The Look August 18, 2005
I got the look from my husband this morning. I knew instantly what he was thinking. His look said “Let me escape from this crazy woman ASAP before she goes even more insane.” He said very little and headed out of the door very quickly.
I can’t blame him, though. I was a total loony tune this morning. I woke up in the whiniest state ever and was struggling to get anything done this morning. I mean, I even dropped the knife I was using to make my husband’s lunch on the floor spraying jelly everywhere. Of course every time something didn’t go right, I whined more. It just wasn’t a pretty sight.
I much prefer my husband to do what he did than to actually tell me I’m insane. He’s a smart cookie, that one. He knows better than to say or do something that will make the situation worse.
I guess I was just tired, because after he left I went back to bed and slept for another 2.5 hours. I’m sure the hormones don’t help the situation much either.
I’m pretty sure my husband didn’t think I could get any crazier than I already was. I guess I proved him wrong, didn’t I?
A Different Limbo Land August 16, 2005
I’ve experienced life in a number of different limbo lands during my time on the IVF roller coaster, but this one is so unfamiliar that I have no clue what to do. I know so many people have blogged about it before, so it’s not earth shattering news, but it’s new to me.
I don’t know where I belong. I don’t belong with the people still cycling, and I don’t belong with the preggos. I’m stuck somewhere in the middle.
I post on several message boards, and I’ve posted with some of these people since day one. The thing is, though, that most of them are still in the trenches. I just don’t what I can say and what I shouldn’t. I so don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable, but I also don’t want to seem condescending by always tip toeing around. I know these woman are as strong as they come. I just don’t want to make anything harder for them than it has to be.
I know it’s normal (well as much as anything can be normal in infertility world) to feel this way. It’s just strange not to really belong anywhere. I don’t want to be one of those people who immediately abandons their friends at the sight of a positive HPT, but I also don’t want to force my presence where I’m not as welcome as I was before.
I’m not one of those people who can hop on over to the pregnancy boards. (Seeing as I had to force myself to type that word, it’s no wonder that I can’t post over there. Oh, and I still can’t use that p-word when speaking about myself. I guess that would be a problem, too.) I’m just not ready to go there.
I know that I could get snapped out of this limbo land back into the land of major suckage after my ultrasound on Monday. I know that full well. I just don’t know what to do while I’m waiting for things to progress or to go to hell, whatever the case may be.
Now That’s a Big Bug August 14, 2005
I’m really not a fan of bugs. It’s too bad, because we’ve already become acquainted with quite a few since we moved here a week ago. Today, I took the kitties out on the balcony (one of their favorite activities) and discovered this guy.
That critter is pretty damn scary.
There’s not too much going on besides the bug escapades. The unpacking has slowly come to a standstill. We’re at that point where we just don’t know where to put stuff. Plus, I think my husband feels that we’ve gotten to a point where it’s good enough, so there’s just no motivation for him to help out with the rest.
My arm continues to be a lovely shade of black and blue from my blood draw an entire week ago. I never blogged about it since there was so much other stuff going on, but last Sunday’s blood draw was not fun. Since it was the weekend, the normal person wasn’t there, and the person filling in wasn’t as smooth. I gave her the arm with the big vein to make it as easy as possible, but I knew things weren’t going well when she had stuck me and then said, “Well, I should be getting something.” She fooled around with the needle while I winced, and then she somehow managed to go through my entire vein. Basically a vein blowout, if you will.
Now, IVF has toughened me up a bunch, but I used to be that person who had to lay down after blood draws in order to keep from passing out. Hell, I was the one who threw up all over the Camp Fire Girls leader’s house after having my finger pricked during a blood typing project. So when the nurse asked me to rub this huge, throbbing lump on my arm on Sunday, I about lost it. I managed to make it out of there and stay concious on the drive home, but I lost it when I got back home. Seriously, it was disgusting. At least it’s just another bruise to add to my collection now. The throbbing lump thing is what I couldn’t handle.
So, I guess there’s nothing too important going on if I’m blogging about bugs and bad blood draw experiences. I guess that’s ok, though. Sometimes boring isn’t too bad.
The List Is Done August 12, 2005
It looks like we may have gotten all of the pain in the ass stuff that comes along with moving done in past two days. We’ve opened new bank accounts, transferred our insurance to an agent here, gotten new driver’s licensees as well as a new car registration and license plate, gotten the car inspected, and gotten library cards. We really did need to get it all done before my husband starts work on Monday, and it looks like we managed to do so.
We’re starting to settle in a bit although the apartment is still a mess. We have time to get that done a little bit at a time, but I will sure feel better when things aren’t in boxes anymore. There are definitely things I like about our new home and things I miss about our old one.
I’m missing:
- Our big garden size bathtub.
- More than adequate storage space.
- QVC. Our apartment complex decided to take over the channel that QVC is on. After displaying my vehement displeasure of the situation, they are working with the cable company to find a way to bypass it for us. We’ll see if that actually happens.
I’m liking:
- The yummy food. No one can cook like Louisianans can.
- The fact that my new dryer is a bigillion times more efficient than my previous one.
- The friendly people.
- Oh, and did I mention the food?
As much as I have had trouble with this move, it’s been easier than some of our previous ones. I was born and raised an hour west of here, so it feels like home more so than some random city in some random state. Plus, it’s definitely been easier for me to go from a huge city to a not so huge city. They other way around was a bit of a shock to my system.
Man, is the weather hellacious here, though. You would think moving four hours wouldn’t make that much difference. I mean, we’re still in the South and we’re still on the Gulf Coast. Oh, no. It is definitely hotter and more humid here.
I think we might just make it, though. I’m pretty sure of one thing, however. Given the fact that we’ll only be here for a year, I’m sure I’ll start to feel right at home just in time for us to pick up and move again.
Doing a Little Better August 11, 2005
I still haven’t fully accepted the situation, but I think I’m feeling better. Having the move coincide with my betas was a good distraction, but it also made things harder. I don’t do well with moving. It just makes me feel really unsettled, and it takes a long time for me to adjust. So, having all of that happen right at the time when I should be adjusting in other areas is really tough for me. I think it also helped that my in laws have headed back home. It’s hard to have all of this new stuff happen and not be able to just be with my husband.
It’s not that I’m not happy about the outcome of this cycle thus far. I am. Very. It’s just hard for me to believe it’s happening. Hell, I’m the failed IVF girl. That’s what I’m good at. This is so unfamiliar that I have no clue what I’m doing.
I had my E2 check done on Tuesday. Apparently it was good enough that I was told to go off the patches. Funny that I’m still wearing one, huh? It makes me nervous to go off of E2 support, but I guess I will eventually.
I found out that I will be able to have my u/s done over here as opposed to making the eight hour trip by myself. My RE’s office is going to fax over an order to the IVF clinic here (there’s only one so it wasn’t a hard choice) so that I can get things set up with them. It’s looking like my first ultrasound will be on 8/22.
This all feels very surreal. I don’t do well with change and to have so much change at once nearly put me into a tailspin. I’m starting to get my footing a little bit, though. Like everything else, I just have to take this new stuff one step at a time.
Denial-land: Population One August 9, 2005
I am so completely in denial about this whole positive beta situation. I can’t even say (or type) what it is. You know, that p-word thing. I cannot get it out. I have no clue what to do with my blog categories either. I’m so not ready to add another one yet. I guess we’ll just stick with IVF Part 5 for now.
This denial thing is pretty obvious to my husband who recently asked me why I wasn’t more excited. He said it didn’t seem like I really wanted this. Of course, nothing could be further from the truth. Absolutely nothing. The truth is that I’m scared. Really fucking scared. I don’t want to get this far only to have it taken away from me sometime in the near future. I’m really not thinking too much about the whole situation, because I know if I do I will only freak myself out.
Ok, enough about how I’m handling (or not handling) the situation. On to updates. Today I had to have my E2 rechecked so my RE’s office would know whether or not I can go off of the patches. I had it tested on Sunday and then went down to one patch and then had to have it tested again today. Why on earth they don’t just have their patients stay on Estrogen support for x# of weeks is beyond me. What do I know, though? At least I managed to find a lab that could do it here, because the prospect of spending eight hours in the car just for an E2 check was not appealing to me.
Next up on the schedule is the first ultrasound. I really don’t have much set in stone regarding that yet, though. Originally it was scheduled for Friday 8/19, but I rescheduled it to Monday the 22nd after I found out that was when my husband’s new insurance will kick in.
My appointment is scheduled with my RE in Houston, but I’m very strongly considering trying to talk them into just letting me go to a RE in our new home town. I know they would prefer if I made the trip back to do it in their office, but it would be so much easier to do it here. Driving eight hours in one day by myself would not be much fun. Plus, I really want my husband to be able to go. Since he will have just started his new job, he won’t be able to take off an entire day to make the trip back to Houston. I’m sure he could get away for an hour or so if we did it here, though.
In other news, the unpacking is coming along slowly but surely. I’m really not looking forward to doing all of the crap that comes with moving like transferring our insurance, getting new licenses and registrations, etc. It’s such a pain in the ass. Also, the in laws are leaving tomorrow. It’s been great having their help with the moving stuff, but it will be nice when it’s just my husband, myself, and our kitties again. I think some family bonding time is in order.
Uncharted Territory August 8, 2005
I apologize for not being able to post yesterday. I’ll explain why in a second. On to the important news, though.
Beta #2 was 282 yesterday, so it more than doubled from my 124 on Friday. I was definitely relieved to learn that news. I actually got the call while we were making the trip over here. I am now officially done with betas.
This weekend has been insane. I really do not like moving. We’re slowly but surely making progress, though. Our kitties are also adjusting well. They really didn’t have a good time on the drive over but seem to have forgiven us already.
Ok, so onto why I couldn’t post yesterday. We were actually headed out the door to go to a coffee shop with wireless access when my husband started having trouble with his key. He couldn’t get the door to lock. In fact, he got the darn thing stuck in there for a little while.
He turned to me and asked where my key was so we could just use it. I had no freaking idea. I had absolutely no memory of taking the new keys in the first place, and I certainly didn’t have any idea where I had put them when we got here. I mean, I was drawing a total and complete blank. My husband tried to get his key to work while I went through all of the boxes and bags I could get to. No luck with either. Since we couldn’t lock the door, we couldn’t leave.
Today I found the freaking keys in the bathroom. No one thought to look in the bathroom, but there they were. I still don’t remember putting them there, but I must have. We brought the cats into the bathroom first thing after we got here, so I must have set them down then.
It’s all fine now, though. We have actual internet connection at home. Yay!
I really haven’t had time to process this whole positive beta situation. I guess that’s probably a good thing. I’d be obsessing about it, I’m sure. I’ve never made it to a doubling beta, so this is all very new to me. Who knows what’s going to happen from here on out. It’s a good thing I’ve got distractions right now. There’s no telling what would be going through my head otherwise.
Craziness August 7, 2005
Have I said how much I hate moving? Things are just crazy busy around here, but at least it’s keeping my mind off of beta #2. Well, it did until this morning. Now, I’m just a big ball of nerves.
I literally only have a minute before I have to go get ready, head out for beta #2, and then hit the road, but I wanted to thank you guys. The IF blogworld really is the best. Thank you so much for your support this week and all of the weeks previous.
I’m going to try really hard to find a place with wireless internet tonight so I can post the results, but I can’t promise anything. It drives me crazy when people don’t post important news ASAP, too. Not that I don’t think people have a right to post whenever they choose. It’s just that when you care about someone, you want to know how things went. It’s insane around here right now, so I might not get to. I’ll try, though. I will.
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