jump to navigation

Denial-land: Population One August 9, 2005

I am so completely in denial about this whole positive beta situation. I can’t even say (or type) what it is. You know, that p-word thing. I cannot get it out. I have no clue what to do with my blog categories either. I’m so not ready to add another one yet. I guess we’ll just stick with IVF Part 5 for now.

This denial thing is pretty obvious to my husband who recently asked me why I wasn’t more excited. He said it didn’t seem like I really wanted this. Of course, nothing could be further from the truth. Absolutely nothing. The truth is that I’m scared. Really fucking scared. I don’t want to get this far only to have it taken away from me sometime in the near future. I’m really not thinking too much about the whole situation, because I know if I do I will only freak myself out.

Ok, enough about how I’m handling (or not handling) the situation. On to updates. Today I had to have my E2 rechecked so my RE’s office would know whether or not I can go off of the patches. I had it tested on Sunday and then went down to one patch and then had to have it tested again today. Why on earth they don’t just have their patients stay on Estrogen support for x# of weeks is beyond me. What do I know, though? At least I managed to find a lab that could do it here, because the prospect of spending eight hours in the car just for an E2 check was not appealing to me.

Next up on the schedule is the first ultrasound. I really don’t have much set in stone regarding that yet, though. Originally it was scheduled for Friday 8/19, but I rescheduled it to Monday the 22nd after I found out that was when my husband’s new insurance will kick in.

My appointment is scheduled with my RE in Houston, but I’m very strongly considering trying to talk them into just letting me go to a RE in our new home town. I know they would prefer if I made the trip back to do it in their office, but it would be so much easier to do it here. Driving eight hours in one day by myself would not be much fun. Plus, I really want my husband to be able to go. Since he will have just started his new job, he won’t be able to take off an entire day to make the trip back to Houston. I’m sure he could get away for an hour or so if we did it here, though.

In other news, the unpacking is coming along slowly but surely. I’m really not looking forward to doing all of the crap that comes with moving like transferring our insurance, getting new licenses and registrations, etc. It’s such a pain in the ass. Also, the in laws are leaving tomorrow. It’s been great having their help with the moving stuff, but it will be nice when it’s just my husband, myself, and our kitties again. I think some family bonding time is in order.

Comments»

1. samie - August 9, 2005

So happy for you! Won’t even try to say i understand, but i am still thinking good things for you! Good luck settling in.

2. MM - August 9, 2005

I can’t imagine that the whole p-thing would be easy to get used to after all that you’ve been thru. I hope the fear abates sooner rather than later. Easier said than done, of course.

3. Thalia - August 10, 2005

Being ready - seems from others who have been through this that it will come when you are ready. At some point, getting yourself to relax and enjoy it will be important. But if you’re not ready yet, then you’re not ready yet, and you know what is best for you.

Sounds smart to move the scan to me, especially if you can get a recommendation of a non-fuckwit RE in your new town. Would the resolve boards help with that?

Have fun with your bonding time.

4. Kim - August 10, 2005

Yup, now comes the other 2 week waits as your progress further and further down the p-word road, hoping that it will continue… you can do it. think how you are now further ahead than you would be without the positive. that’s all that matters for now.

5. Lisa - August 10, 2005

I bet they’ll let you do it in LA. I know how scary this new territory is…I hope the worry and wait is rewarded with a great sono.

6. T - August 10, 2005

Denial, oh yeah. I think it’s par for the course unfortunately. I hope you can move your u/s!

7. Angela - August 10, 2005

Best of luck. You’ll be ready when you’re ready. Since I tend to lose right after a positive, it doesn’t take long to get past denial…or it WON’T take long to get past denial…right?

Everyone is different though. I’m hoping for you!

8. Jennie - August 10, 2005

you know what .. you’ll find your feet with this P word thing that’s happening when “you’re” good and ready.. theres enough of us out here doing happy dances for you that you dont even have to raise a shimmer of a sweatbead.. that is one of the nicest parts of the blogosphere

9. Panda - August 10, 2005

I had to see a heartbeat before I was okay with using the p-word. Its scary scary shit. Still is. It will take time, and it will take as much time as you need it to. Be gentle on yourself.

10. BrendaS - August 10, 2005

what strength patches are you on? I have a buttload of them left from my last FET and if you can use them.. just let me know… I have .10 and .05.

How’s the new apartment??

And yes… denial. Been on that river myself.. hell I’m still floating along on it with no paddles!

11. Em - August 11, 2005

Congrats! I have been on holiday and was really happy to hear of your positive.