A Different Limbo Land August 16, 2005
I’ve experienced life in a number of different limbo lands during my time on the IVF roller coaster, but this one is so unfamiliar that I have no clue what to do. I know so many people have blogged about it before, so it’s not earth shattering news, but it’s new to me.
I don’t know where I belong. I don’t belong with the people still cycling, and I don’t belong with the preggos. I’m stuck somewhere in the middle.
I post on several message boards, and I’ve posted with some of these people since day one. The thing is, though, that most of them are still in the trenches. I just don’t what I can say and what I shouldn’t. I so don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable, but I also don’t want to seem condescending by always tip toeing around. I know these woman are as strong as they come. I just don’t want to make anything harder for them than it has to be.
I know it’s normal (well as much as anything can be normal in infertility world) to feel this way. It’s just strange not to really belong anywhere. I don’t want to be one of those people who immediately abandons their friends at the sight of a positive HPT, but I also don’t want to force my presence where I’m not as welcome as I was before.
I’m not one of those people who can hop on over to the pregnancy boards. (Seeing as I had to force myself to type that word, it’s no wonder that I can’t post over there. Oh, and I still can’t use that p-word when speaking about myself. I guess that would be a problem, too.) I’m just not ready to go there.
I know that I could get snapped out of this limbo land back into the land of major suckage after my ultrasound on Monday. I know that full well. I just don’t know what to do while I’m waiting for things to progress or to go to hell, whatever the case may be.
- Posted in : IVF Part 5: IVF #3
- Author : amanda
Comments»
I’m here with you, Amanda, in this strange limbo.
I understand…the early days are very disorienting indeed.
I think IF and pregnancy after infertility is one state of limbo after another. I’m sorry it has to be this way.
I can totally relate. The best you can do is just be.. {hug} But I agree with Katie.. everywhere is a form of limbo in a way because you never really feel like you fit in anywhere anymore. {hug} I’m here with ya and keeping my fingers crossed for Monday..
ah sweetling i’m sorry your feeling up in the air about where you fit, it just sucks none of this is easy. i can’t imagine your over at any board sack of babydust in hand ready to asphyxiate the nearest vet. so keep being you no matter where you are in your dare i say it pg your still an IF’er, just one that’s got out of the immediate trench. they’ll tell you to mosey on out if they are uncomfortable.
Ah yes, that is a tough one without much of an answer, I think. Nothings easy when it comes to infertility, dangit! The fact that you are aware of the weirdness and conscientious of your friends (and your own) feelings speaks volumes. Good luck with that ultrasound next week, too! I will be anxiously awaiting the update.
Aaah! The once-infertile-now-pregnant limbo land… Quite an unconfortable place indeed. I know you know this, but I’m pretty sure the girls you shared the boards with will totally understand how you feel.
Also speaking to you from limboland. It’s a rough place to be. All you can do is be you, continue caring and posting.
Hang in there Amanda.
It is quite a tough place to be. Just try to be yourself and offer support, but maybe mention the PG as little as possible, unless asked for updates.
Good luck Monday.
I agree with all the comments above, but the main thing I wanted to say is whatever you do, don’t stop your blog! After a certain point of reading, I think people care about you and not so much about where you stand on the IF-pregnant-motherhood spectrum. Obviously, we all want you to be pregnant–but for me, your in-between identity is not quite as critical as hearing how you are doing–like hearing that being in limbo is hard.
I hope that makes sense. Thinking of you!
Amanda,
Just wanted to wish you the best of luck at your upcoming ultrasound. As always, thinking of you. . .
la gringa
I never suffered from infertility..but the topic just facinates me and I have many blogging friends that are going through this hard time, now that I’m preganat I dont know what to do. Do I comment on thier blog or not? when I do, will it be rude to put my website add of my blog thats ALL about me being pregnant? UGGGG I dont know! I dont want to make anyone uncomfortable nor I want them to think I’m ” rubbing it in” on them…it so hard.
Speaking as someone who is still in the trenches, I hope that you continue to be honest about what you’re feeling– whether it’s fear, or joy or general weirdness, or whatever. I like having a preview of what’s to come should I ever again get a positive hpt. Good luck with the next ultrasound!!
Amanda,
I just posted about this on one of the boards. I’m still in the trenches but, I am very happy for you. It doesn’t bother me at all.
I hate that you feel like you are in limbo, and I hope you will feel like you can update without being uncomfortable. Like Cathy, I want to know how you are doing and feeling.
Love ya chica!
I went through that with my last pregnancy. It is a really weird feeling. There’s lots you want to talk about, but not sure if you should. It’s your blog though and I believe that is the one place of all you can definately say and do what you want.
And now you have us to be in limbo land with!
Its a very strange place to be, isnt it? On one of the boards I frequent, a Due After ART thread was started for chicks in our position, where we were p-word but terrified of it all going pear shaped and not really wanting to admit to anything quite yet.
This is your blog, and you should continue to write about whatever you want to write about. People dont have to read it. The people who have supported you in the past will more than likely continue to be supoprtive of you now. Perhaps with an added bit of jealousy, but we’ve all been there.
There are quite a few of you in bizarre limbo just now. Maybe you should start your own message board and call it WTF? or something like that. Here’s hoping the WTF? phase passes quickly so you can get used to calling yourself PREGNANT! :-)
Oh, I sooooo remember being where you are now. Akward doesn’t even begin to describe it. I think all you can do is remember that you know exactly how your friends still in the trenches are feeling, and treat them accordingly. When you were in their shoes, how did you want “the graduates” to behave around you? I think that’s the best you can do, honestly. And even if you inadvertently come off as an asshat (like I did more than once) at least they’ll still know you’re trying your best.
Right there with you, sweetie.
Yeah, that’s limbo land alright. I’m sort of there, but in a different way. I got pregnant with my son, by “accident” turned out it was a miracle considering all I have to overcome. So I’m not infertile, I’m not fertile, who do I commisserate with?
It’s odd how fertility (and the lack thereof) places us all in this strange land. If fertile then not fertile, what are you? If infertile and then pregnant, what are you? Though the answer is “you,” it’s more a question of belonging…
Sorry, I’ll shut up now. I will keep my fingers crossed for Monday. I’m pulling for you…and you may not feel like you fit in, but you fit in great here in limbo land :-)
Hi sweetie,
Just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you every single day and I hope you are doing okay and not moving anymore boxes!!!
You’re doing great. Hang in there.
Hey I’ve hit full on pear shaped (30 wks) and I’m still feeling the lingering effects of limbo land. This whole pregnancy after ART has meant a series of making it milestone to milestone, never really feeling like I could relax into pregnancy and frequently holding my breath waiting for the ax to fall. I’m not sure if I’ll really start breathing easy until I’ve just popped the little one out. It sucks that this seems to be just a natural aspect of pregnancy after IF, a combination of knowing that the rug could get yanked out at any time and also feeling sensitive to those who haven’t joined the preggo ranks. I wish it could be different for all of us.