Can I Please Catch a Fucking Break? August 23, 2005
Today is the first day I’ve cried in a long time. I wish I could say they were tears of joy.
I thought my ultrasound was going well at first. I immediately saw a black hole on the screen. I knew that had to be a gestational sac, and it was. Then we were shown the yolk sac. Even better.
Then things started to go downhill. There was no fetal pole. There was no heartbeat. And then I found out that the gestational sac was measuring over a week behind. This was not what I wanted to hear. Not even close.
I’m 6w4d today. We should have been able to see more. I got the “late implanter” speech. I was told not to worry, that things happen in their own time. I guess that could be the case, but I know what’s more likely.
My next ultrasound was supposed to be in two weeks, but you better believe that I got one scheduled for a week from today. I don’t know how I’ll make it one week, but I know I couldn’t make it two.
I don’t know how to deal with this. I’d like to hope that we’ll see a miracle next Tuesday. I’m terrified of the alternative. I don’t know what to do but cry.
- Posted in : IVF Part 5: IVF #3
- Author : amanda
Comments»
Oh, Amanda, this is almost too much to bear. I am hoping this week goes by quickly and you get some good news at the end of it. Thinking of you.
Oh Amanda, I’m sorry. This sucks big time. I’m praying that next week’s u/s will bring good news.
I’ll be thinking of you.
Oh Amanda, I’m so sorry. We’re here for you and hoping for good news next week.
Shit Amanda. I was so convinced this would be a wonderful experience for you. I hope I hope I hope it will all be ok next week. You know I have no experience in these things so I won’t try to persuade you that of course it’s ok. I’ll just hand you this virtual brownie and cup of tea (I am english after all), and sit and listen to you all you want.
I would like to shoot the powers that be sometimes.
Oh no. Lurker here. I just wanted to say I am so sorry. This is so incredibly unfair. I’ll be hoping for great news next week.
Will be praying and holding on tight for next week. I can’t imagine how scared you must be right now.
Damn - hopefully you will see great things next week and we can all exhale with you.
Oh, sweetie, I’m so sorry. I’m hoping and praying for a slow starter. Much love to you.
We’ll be praying for that miracle…have faith. So sorry for your tears…
Amanda,
My fingers are crossed that you will have good news next week. Am thinking of you and sending all sorts of good vibes your way.
Damn. I was so sure this was IT for you. Hang in there.
la gringa
Oh Amanda, I am so hoping for good news with next weeks ultra sound. Until then you are in my thoughts. Keeping my fingers crossed for a positive outcome.
Damn. I’m so sorry - this shit is so unfair. That being said, I’m hoping (with everybody else) for good news in a week…
Sorry you have to go thru this. Praying next weeks u/s shows what we all want it to, a beating heart. xoxo
I hope next week is good news for you, I will be hoping and praying.
oh honey…I am so sorry. Try to hang in there as best as you can until next week’s ultrasound. Again - I am so sorry it was not better news today.
I am so sorry, Amanda. This is so hard. I’m still hoping you’ll get good news next time. Big hugs.
Delurking here….you are in my thoughts and prayers, Amanda. Wishing you the very best for next week. Katharina, England
I’m so, so sorry and hoping next’s wk’s ultrasound shows a brilliant turnaround. Until then I’ll have everything crossed.
Oh holy crap, what is this fresh hell? You poor kid, this is rotten. I want to kick something, hard. And I want you to know I am thinking of you and hoping like hell it turns out OK. Hang in there.
Oh Amanda. I am of course joining the others in crossing all crossables that this is just a slow start to a beautiful thing, and that next week’s ultrasound provides a heartbeat and reassurance. I am thinking of you, my dear.
oh Honey I am so sorry it didn’t go as it could have done, still holding out for a late implanter, as always thoughts and prayers for you lovely.
This is rotten! I hope things are better next week…
Oh God- I’m so sorry. I’ve been there and it sucks so much to make it that far and then be confused about the outcome. I hope it really is a late implanter.
I’m so sorry you have to go through this. Is anything ever easy? Please try to be strong, and all we can do is hope for the best next week. You are in my thoughts, and I really know how it feels to go through this.
Amanda, I’m so sorry and I am holding out hope that you receive better news next week.
All I can think is “please, please, please” - got al my bits crossed for you.
Oh no. Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh Amanda I am so sorry I just don’t know what to day. Oh sweetie. Oh no.
Shit. I’m so sorry.
Amanda - I am hoping against hope that you are just a little behind, like the doctor suggested. I’m praying so hard that you see a heartbeat next week. What torture you must be going through, I’m so sorry, hold your husband tight and know that we’re all praying for you!
Oh, sweetie, I’m so sorry …. and hoping for a miracle too.
I’m so, so, so, so sorry.
No! I hate that the universe is doing this to you. I am so very sorry that you have to go through this and am hoping so much for a late implanter.
Thinking of you.
Amanda, this sucks so badly, and I’m sorry you’re going through it. I hope like hell everything’s okay next week.
I am so so sorry hon. You are way overdue for a break. *hugs*
Damn it!!!! I hope this next week goes by quickly and the next u/s brings you the peace you need and deserve. I will be thinking of you.
Amanda,
I praying/hoping you will have some wonderful news next week.
I’m thinking of you. I can’t believe they were going to make you wait another 2 weeks.. WTF? Please know that that we are all here for you.
I am so sorry… I hope this week flies by and your next u/s brings you good news.
I am so sorry today did not go as you hoped. I hope all goes well next week.
FUCK FUCK FUCK.
Are you still getting yur hcg levels checked? This may be a more accurate indicator of things progressing at this eary stage.
On my 6w3d scan the gestational sac measured 5w4d. They can be up to a week out, especially when done so early.
I really hope this works out the way we all want it to.
I just got home from work. I have been thinking of you all day. I couldn’t wait to check on you to see the good news and right now, I sit here, on my sofa and I am stunned and crying so hard for you sweet, sweet Amanda.
I cannot believe this. God, I hope it is late implantation and everything that you think right now will be untrue.
I don’t even know what else to type, or say, or think.
I am just sick for you.
I love you and I am so, so, so very sorry.
Amanda,
I am thinking of you. Much Love to you sweetie. I’m hoping and praying for the good news for you next week. . . .
Sending you love.
Delurking to say that I am so, so sorry that things have to be so damn hard. I’m praying with everything I have for a turnaround next week. Please, universe, please.
Have got my virtual arms wrapped tightly around you right now. Sending you much love as we wait…
Oh shit. Thinking of you and DH.
Oh Amanda. I really wanted you to get the good news you deserve. Hoping for a speedy week ending with your miracle next Tuesday.
oh fuck. Life is just so not fair. You will be in my thoughts and prayers for good news next week. *hug*
I’ve been thinking of you a lot and again, just hate that you are going through this. I know this week is so so hard. I hope so badly that you get good news next week. If anyone deserves it, it’s you. You’ve got a lot of people in your corner, I hope the powers that be (whoever that may be) take notice and give you the break you so deserve next Tuesday.
Shit Amanda. I’m so sorry. Sending you all my good thoughts.
I’m at a loss for words….I know there is nothing that can really be said to make you feel better. I’m so upset that this is happening. I know the next week is going to be rough. Just know that we’re all here for you, praying that things will turn out ok.
I’m sorry. I hope next week’s ultrasound brings good news.
I’m so sorry, Amanda. This is terrible news, but hopefully, not the final word. My thoughts are with you. Take good care.
Shit Amanda…I am really sorry. If you don’t object I WILL say a little prayer.
Damnit, I’m so sorry, Amanda. I hope next week is better. I’m so very very sorry.
Oh Amanda, I came over not even contemplating that I’d see anything but perfectly happy news. I am so sorry you’re going through this.