Just Call Me Crazy August 26, 2005
Maybe I spoke a little too soon about the whole symptom thing. The nauseousness (is that even a word?) seems to have come back (knock on wood). I know it probably means nothing with regards to whether or not things are going to work out, but it makes me feel a little better about things while I wait to find out our fate.
I think I’m certifiable. This morning I found myself with the checkbook in one hand and a calculator in the other trying to figure out if there’s any way we could afford to squeeze out another fresh cycle. Don’t tell my husband. He’d kill me. Oh, yeah, he reads my blog. Shit. [Honey, please just disregard this paragraph. You so didn’t read that.]
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not giving up on this… um, I don’t know what to call it, but I’m not giving up on our current situation yet. I think I probably will have to after we see what’s going on with the ultrasound on Tuesday, but it’s not over until it’s over.
I want this to work out so much. So fucking much, but what if it doesn’t? What will we do then? I know I shouldn’t even be thinking about that right now, but I can’t help it. I would be stupid to do another cycle, but I can’t help but think about it.
Yes, my brain is fucking with me good right now. I’m just so scared. I’m scared of being so heartbroken that I won’t know which way to turn. I’ve already shed so many tears over this, and we haven’t even gotten the final nail in the coffin. I can only imagine what’s going to happen if this doesn’t work out. I hope I don’t have to find out, but I know the chances are good that I will. Have I said how much this crap sucks?
- Posted in : IVF Part 5: IVF #3
- Author : amanda
Comments»
Thinking of you Amanda…
I sure as hell hope this works out, and you will be spared any additional tear-shedding, unless they’re happy tears. Having BTDT, I can really empathize with how you’re feeling.
I’m amazed you can contemplate another fresh cycle. This stuff is addictive, isn’t it? I’m way too scared to try again, at least right now.
I’m praying things work out for you.
I’m so hoping you won’t need that contingency cycle. My fingers will be crossed for you on Tuesday!
So sorry you are having to go through this. But, I don’t think having a Plan B is a bad thing right now — it gives you hope, something to look forward to, plan for if this Plan A doesn’t work out. However you feel right now is OK — try not to beat yourself up.
Yay for the nausea. I’m so happy you’re feeling ill again! Blimey amanda this really sucks big ones. Not at all wierd that you’re looking for alternatives, just keep taking deep breaths.
I am crossing all of my crossables that you don’t need a Plan B - and hoping your nausea is a good sign in that direction. I will continue to think positively for you, though I do of course understand the motivation to work on contingency plans.
I like the nauseousness and whatever gets you through the day, I say.
I think it’s a word.
I also think if it helps you, enjoy it. Make a Plan B if it will help you. Make as many plans as needed. Consider all the options and then if they aren’t needed you can laugh at your “wasted” time, but if they are, they are already there for the implementing.
I’ve still got it all crossed, and I’m wishing the best for you! My son is having surgery Tuesday, but I will check in as soon as I can. I hope it’s good news, I really really hope it is. You REALLY deserve it.
{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}
I’m so sorry, this must be so stressful and upsetting.
Thinking of you.
I’m a little over 7 weeks pregnant and my symptoms come and go. There are good days and bad days and I am not high-risk or anything. I got pregnant quickly, and my symptoms are not consistent. Hope that makes you feel better. :- )
Never a poster, just a follower but I just had to share a story I read today from a lady on my forum - she went in at 7w1d for first u/s and all they saw was a gestational sac - RE said blighted ovum but come back in a week. Well today she went back and at 8w1d she now has a fetal pole and HB. So there is hope. Best wishes that you get to be one of the lucky ones too.
I’ve got everything crossed for you, Amanda. I hope the weekend goes quickly and that Tuesday brings good news.
I’m thinking about you, waiting to hear good news on Tuesday.
This shit sucks, no doubt about it. I don’t blame you for trying to devise a plan B, it’s a little something to keep the scary feelings at bay. I really really hope you don’t need it though. I’ve thought about you a lot this week, knowing how incredibly hard it must be and how hard you must be fighting to keep the despair at bay. I hope the nausea returning signals great things.
Nothing like a hurricane to take your mind off things. :{
I hope you are somewhere safe!
Like everyone else, I’m thinking of you and hoping Tues. brings good news.