It’s Over August 30, 2005
I went into this morning’s ultrasound expecting the worst, and that’s what we got. The gestational sac had only grown 2mm in a week, and there was still no fetal pole or heartbeat. I’m 7w4d today, so both of those should have been there. Obviously, it’s over.
I hate that I have to sit here and decide how to handle the miscarriage thing. Fuck, I hate that. I talked to the RE here about my options, but I don’t really know how we’ll proceed. They faxed the results to my RE in Houston, so I’m sure I’ll be hearing from them today. I will definitely be discussing the best way to handle this with them.
I hate that we don’t have answers. It looks like due to the small size of the sac (8mm) and the lack of a fetal pole that karyotyping has a good chance of not being accurate. We’ve already done all of the tests that are usually done in this situation. Karyotyping for me and hubby, immune testing, clotting testing, hysteroscopy, endo biopsy, sperm DNA fragmentation testing, etc. Normal, normal, normal. I’m assuming that this loss was due to a chromosomal problem, but I guess we’ll never really know for sure.
I honestly don’t know where we’re going to go from here. I guess today’s not the day to be making those kind of decisions, but I do know that my husband and I will start talking about all of that. I think that’s part of the healing process.
I know that we’ll make it through this. It’s not going to be easy, and it’s something neither one of us ever wanted to experience, but we will make it. This shit is not going to win.
- Posted in : IVF Part 5: IVF #3
- Author : amanda
Comments»
I’m so sorry Amanda. So sorry. The not knowing what to fix is so frustrating, so draining.
I’m thinking of you sweetie. Please take care of yourself.
Amanda,
I’m so very sorry. The suckage you’ve had to go through is beyond belief. Try and be gentle with yourself - I have no idea how it feels to be in this situation but I know it must be horrible. I’m so sorry.
I’m so sorry, Amanda. I know you will get through it together, I’m just so sorry you have to.
I’m so sorry.
I am so sorry.
Oh sweet Amanda, I am so, so sorry! My heart is breaking for you.
You are in my thoughts sweetie.
I am so very, very sorry. You have been in my thoughts a lot lately. I will continue to think of you. I’m sitting here at work trying not to cry. I’m so very sorry. The universe is cruel and unfair.
I’m so sorry, Amanda. It’s so unfair. I’m thinking of you, too.
Amanda, I’m so sorry and so heartbroken to hear this.
DAMNIT!!!
Sorry just doesn’t seem to be enough, I have no other words though. This is not the way it was supposed to happen.
Oh fuck. I’m really, really sorry. This is so fucking unfair.
Thinking of the two of you.
Oh, no. I’m so sorry. I’ll be thinking of you.
Noooo, no, no.
Oh Amanda I am so very, very sorry. I don’t know what else to say.
Oh Amanda, I’m so so so sorry :( :( I can NOT imagine how you must be feeling {hug}
Mr Fuzzy and I are keeping you and your dh in our thoughts and prayers
I’m so sorry it turned out this way. My heart truly goes out to you and your husband.
wow, you sound so strong. I am sitting at my desk at work crying my eyes out for you right now. I am so very sorry.
I don’t even know what to say. I wish I could do something, anything, to help.
I am so sorry.
I am so sorry Amanda.
I am so sad to hear that news. I’ll be thinking of you guys.
I’m so incredibly sorry, Amanda.
Love to you in this difficult time,
Luella xxxxxxxxxxxx
I am so sorry Amanda. I will be thinking of you during this difficult time.
shit. I’m so sorry, Amanda.
Oh, Amanda, my heart is aching with the news. I’m so sorry.
I am so sorry. Take your time to make decisions. I had a loss inMay at 17 weeks, and swore I would never do another cycle. It has been 3 months, and I am gearing up for cycle #8 next month. It’s OK to change your mind. xoxox
Oh sweetie, I am just so so so so sorry.
Love you, girl. Hang in there, we all love you.
I am so sorry. You’ll both be in my thoughts.
One person should not have to go through so much hearache. I’m so sorry.
You’re not alone. We’re all right here thinking about you and praying for you.
I’m so sorry, Amanda. Thinking of you.
Sorry Amanda. You sound like a strong chick and you are right…this shit will not overcome you. You can’t let it.
Fuck - that’s horrible. So so sorry.
I am so sorry, Amanda. You’re right, you are definitely strong enough to overcome all this shit, but I so, so wish you didn’t have to.
I am so very sorry Amanda, but I have to say I love the end of your post - yeah! this shit is NOT going to win.
oh amanda. i am so incredibly sorry.
Shit. I’m so sorry. I’m thinking of you.
I wish there were more to say than “I’m sorry” but there just aren’t words.
Thinking of you.
I’m so very sorry, Amanda. My thoughts are with you and your husband.
I wished with all my heart for this to have a happy ending for you. I am so very sorry, for both of you. Please let me know if there is anything at all I can do.
I’m sorry. I’ll be thinking of you.
Oh no… I am so, so sorry Amanda. You and your husband are in my thoughts.
Was so hoping I’d find some awesome news on here. I am sorry. I had a loss at 16 weeks and it hurt, hurt, hurt. I am sorry.
Rae
I’m so sorry, it’s so unfair. You have wonderful strength to be able to look ahead at this point and you are right, you WILL beat this.
Amanda, I’m so shocked, and so terribly sorry for your loss.
Damn it all to hell. My deepest condolences for your heartbreaking loss.
Oh Amanda I’m so so sorry. Life just isn’t fair. You know we’re all here for you to lean on whenever you need us.
I’m so sorry.
I am so sorry, I will be keeping you and Dh in my thoughts and prayers.
Amanda I am so sorry to hear the unfortunate new. I was so hoping for a better outcome. Please don’t give up on your dreams for a family. I know that you are exhausted and don’t think that you could take another round, but try again. This time the test was positive, next time you’ll bring home a baby.
Oh, so, so, sorry.
I’m so very sorry that you are having to go through this.
I am so sorry to hear this and so sorry for your loss.
I wish it weren’t so. I’m so sorry.
I am so sorry…..I know my saying that does absolutely nothing to help but I’m at a complete loss for words. There are some experiences you’ve had that I can relate to completely but this goes way beyond what I’ve had to confront. I can’t begin to imagine how hard it is to deal with this and I am so impressed with how strong you’re being…as usual. I’m also glad to see you’re not giving up.
Great big steaming piles of donkey crap.
I’ve been thinking of you as I’ve watched the news on Katrina. I’m glad you’re safe at least.
I so wish you didnt have to go through this.
I’m sorry too. I think it’s one of the crappiest things to go through because it’s so private but you’ve got us……..
I am so very very sorry for you and your husband. I wish you much strength.
Oh honey. I am so so sorry. There really are no words.
My heart just sunk when I read the title of your post.
:(
Sorry just doesn’t cut it, but that’s how I feel. It isn’t FAIR dammit.
Amanda,
I’m so very sorry. Know that I’m thinking of you. It will take some time to heal but it will get a little easier in time. I love ya chica.
I’m so sorry sweetie. . . I’m thinking of you and your husband.
Ugh- I’m so so sorry. Sending hugs.
I am really sorry.
I have been thinking of you all day.
My heart is actually aching ……..I just have no words.
Know that I care and I wish there was something, anything that I could say or do that would help.
I am so very sorry.
Amanda, I am so very sorry. I am crying for you and your husband - literally. I was so hoping this would be the one. I am pissed off at the universe for doing this to you.
oh Amanda I am just so sorry for both you and hubby, I wish I had the words to make things better, just know we’re thinking of you. I’m so sorry sweetheart
As a total stranger, and one who’s lost a child, I’m at a loss for words. There’s nothing to say that could possibly be “right” but I’m sorry nonetheless. It looks like you have a long line of people here who care about you and want to support you, and that is a wonderful thing.
So today, a wish from a stranger who empathizes - a wish for you to find peace.
I am so so sorry. Life just isn’t fair.
Take care of yourselves.
I’m so sorry, Amanda. You and your husband are in my thoughts.
Oh Amanda,
I am so sorry. There are no words that will make this right. Please know that you are well loved, even by strangers…
sending many hugs
My heart is hurting for you and your husband. I’m so very, very sorry.
I’m so sad for you, Amanda. To have this happen, and so slowly, is unbearably cruel. I wish I could say something to lighten your burden. My deepest condolences.
I’m so sorry. This is horrible. I can’t say anything besides how sorry I am.
Amanda,
I had a question…do you have to do anything, or can you just wait for things to happen on their own?
Rae
I wish there was something, anything I could say or do to make this easier for you and your husband but I know there is not. Just know that I’m thinking of you both and sending my love….
I am so sorry. I can’t even begin to imagine the frustration and pain.