Wow. Just Wow. August 5, 2005
I’m in shock. My beta was 124 at 11dp3dt. That certainly beats my measly 46 at 11dp5dt.
I go back on Sunday morning for beta #2. Here’s the thing, though. We’re moving on Sunday, so I won’t be able to post after I get the news. We’re supposed to have our new internet stuff hooked up sometime on Monday. At least I hope that it will be done by then. I guess if it comes down to it, I can always find some place with wireless.
Thank you all for your well wishes and support. I honestly don’t know how I would have made it this far without you guys.
Unfuckingbelievable August 4, 2005
I never thought I was going to get to write this post. I dreamed about it, but never thought it would ever happen. I don’t really know what to say.
I’m still really nervous about tomorrow’s beta. I’ve been down the “positive beta leading to nowhere” path before. It’s not much fun, and I’d just assume not go there again.
Today, I’m just going to concentrate on the fact that right now there are two lines staring back at me. Holy shit. I got two damn lines.
Shaking In My Boots August 3, 2005
I’m starting to get nervous about finding out. If I never pee on a stick or have a beta done then it won’t all have to be over. I’m not ready for it all to be over.
One year and two days ago I took my first birth control pill for my first IVF cycle. Who would have guessed I’d be sitting here a full year later in the two week wait of my fifth cycle. I sure wouldn’t have. It’s been a long, tough year. I have been actively cycling during every one of those twelve months except the cycle I had to take off in order to do the endo biopsy. Other than that, I’ve been popping pills or shooting up the entire time.
It’s almost hard to remember what my life is like without IVF. I mean, it has been my life for the past year. What the hell am I going to do now?
This is really hard. In two days I will know if it’s all over or not. I mean, this is it. If I get a negative beta on Friday it’s game over. That’s some scary shit.
I will be breaking out the HPTs tomorrow morning. As much as I’m scared to find out, I know I need a heads up. I cannot handle getting the news over the phone. I just can’t, so tomorrow it is.
Back to Reality August 2, 2005
Oh, you knew that Hope thing wouldn’t last forever. I’m surprised it lasted as long as it did.
It dawned on me yesterday that maybe my sore boob “symptom” might be from my new friend, the Vivelle patch. This is my first cycle using the patch. I’ve always used Estrace in the past.
I looked in the package insert, and sure enough, breast tenderness and enlargement were listed as side effects. Great. Here I am thinking it could mean something. Shouldn’t I know better by now? The answer is a resounding yes.
This crap sure is fun. Let’s see how many more ways I can come up with to drive myself insane.
The Bitch Won’t Leave Me Alone August 1, 2005
Hope is driving me crazy. She just won’t take a hike. The weird thing is, though, that I’m not actively trying to kick her ass like I did last cycle.
I guess I just feel like I need to have a little hope since this is our last shot. I want to think this could finally work. I know the reality. I’ve lived it, but I want to think that maybe, just maybe, we could finally catch a break.
My boobs are encouraging Hope to stick around. Damn boobs. I swear, they have never been this sore during the latter part of the 2ww. Plus, I think they’re bigger. Ok, not going to think about it anymore.
I’m pretty sure I’m setting myself for a bigger fall by allowing Hope in a little bit. The truth of the matter is, though, that it’s going to be a huge fall no matter what. At least I can try to make it a couple of days without having to get angry at the bitch.
So, four days and counting, and you know what? I couldn’t have made it this far without you guys. So, thank you to my old friends who have stuck by me through cycle after cycle. Thank you to my new friends who I have just recently met in blogland. And thank you to my lurker friends. Thank you all for waiting with me.
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