Magic Words September 8, 2005
Last night was hard. My husband and I were both not in the best of moods. It’s really hard to pick yourself up off of the floor and still have the energy to pick your partner up, too.
One of the hardest parts for me is seeing how hard all of this is on my husband. It really is ok that I don’t get pampered right now, because he’s hurting, too. It’s hard to be there 110% for your loved one when you’re struggling to make it yourself. I understand that. I know that the most important thing is that we stick together.
Last night before we went to bed my husband took me in his arms and told me that it wasn’t over. That he’s not giving up. He said that he didn’t know what he wants to do next, but that there will be a next. That’s all I wanted to hear. I cried when I heard those magic words.
I know there will be ups and downs in the days to come. Today is a down day. I’m feeling like total crap, but I have to be mindful of the fact that today is not everything. Today is just today. Tomorrow I may feel better, at least a little bit.
I finally spoke to my IVF coordinator this morning. She said she couldn’t get through yesterday, and I’m going to give her the benefit of the doubt since the phone lines have been wonky around here post hurricane. I found out that I need to have weekly betas done starting Tuesday until my levels drop all the way down. I’ll also be having a follow up consult with my RE over the phone next Thursday.
I’m not sure how I’m feeling about everything. A few days ago I was sure I wanted to do another IVF cycle. Now, I don’t know. I do know that I’m allowed some time to find my way. I do know that it’s going to be impossible to know for sure how I feel about things until a little time passes. Things will come together eventually. I don’t know how or when, but I know they will.
- Posted in : Limboland: the aftermath of IVF Part 5
- Author : amanda
Comments»
How wonderful that your husband was able to say exactly what you needed to hear. I think you’re doing okay from here, and I’m awed by your strength.
What a perfect thing for your husband to say. Now you can both start to recover and move forward.
I think of you often.
Reading those words made me cry, too. (And I can’t blame any IVF drugs right now!) Husbands can indeed be good from time to time…
There’s always a next. We may never know what it will be, but it’s there. *hugs*
I’m glad he found the words to say what you needed (or he needed…or both really).
We’re here for you too, whatever may come.
What a good husband you have. I’m so glad you guys are on the same page, makes it all a little easier. I’m sorry you’re having a down day, I hope tomorrow is a little better.
Oh you made me cry - yay Dan!
I’m so glad that you and your hubby are in accord, whatever “next” may mean. Thinking of you.
Ok I take back the righteous indignation of my last comment. He gets it. He really gets it.
So pleased to hear about your conversation. Well done to your husband for getting it.
Keep on asking for what you need.
How do regular people get a chance to get pregnant? I read your info and all those procedures must cost a fortune. I know its petty talking about money but my sister cannot have these procedures because her insurance does not cover it and the cost is $15,000 to $25,000 each time. This is so frustrating!!!!
If you need anything–someone to talk with over email, whatever–let me know. I’m thinking about you. Amanda.
*smooch*
He’s a beautiful man. Magic words indeed.