The Infamous Plan B Post October 27, 2005
If there’s one thing that’s apparent about me, it’s that I’m a major fan of having a Plan B in place. I just did a Google search of my blog and came up with 56 hits for “plan b” and 33 hits for “backup plan.” That’s a lot of posts that I have devoted to the topic.
It’s important to me, though. It has been from the very beginning. It’s a way of knowing that no matter what happens, it won’t be the end. Options are so important.
My Plan B has changed over the years. (Oh, how I hate to say years. We’re coming up on the 4 year mark, and it makes me sick.) Anyway, it has changed, and that’s a good thing, I think. Each leg in this “journey” has affected Plan B. That’s the way it should be.
I’d be lying if I said the miscarriage didn’t affect our plans for the future. Of course it did. If I hadn’t gotten pregnant this last cycle, then I doubt we’d be doing another. Even Dixie’s passing affected how I feel about all of this trying to conceive business.
With all of that said, it’s time to unveil the current Plan B. We will be doing another fresh IVF cycle in January. I’ll be having a hysteroscopy done with my November period and then will be starting birth control pills with my December one. Since I’ll be doing the shorter microdose Lupron protocol this time, complete with a much shorter stint on BCPs, ER/ET should fall in the latter half of January assuming my cycles cooperate from here on out. (I’m not totally assuming that since I have no clue what my body will end up doing post m/c, but that’s a rough estimate.)
This will be our last fresh cycle. Yes, I’ve said that before. The thing is, though, that this time I actually mean it. Before I said it because either my husband agreed to no more or because it seemed like the smart thing to do financially speaking or for who knows what other reason. However, my unspoken philosophy has always been, “We’ll do this however many times it takes.” I really felt like I could keep going indefinitely.
I no longer feel that way. Finally, I know in my heart that this will be the last time. We will of course do a FET if we are unsuccessful with the fresh cycle and actually have something to freeze this time, but I am so not counting on that.
If we do not find success this time (and I mean live baby success, not getting pregnant success) then that will be it. We will close the door on IVF for good. It will be time, and I am prepared for that. We can’t keep doing this forever. I can’t keep doing this forever.
The truth is that I am tired. So freaking tired. This IVF crap is wearing me out both emotionally and physically. I figure I’ve had over 250 injections over the course of my cycles so far, and of course countless blood draws and ultrasounds. I’ve had so many freaking tests, many of which were beyond painful. (Can we say HSG and hysteroscopy?) My body has been through the ringer.
Let’s not forget the emotional ups and downs.
- Oh look, things are going so well. Surely you’ll get pregnant this cycle. Oh, not so much.
- Oh look, you got a positive beta. Surely you’ll get a doubling beta this cycle. Oh, not so much.
- Oh look, you got a doubling beta. Surely you’ll have great ultrasounds and actually stay pregnant this cycle. Oh, not so much.
Yeah, the trend isn’t great. It takes a toll.
Where was I going with this? Ah, yes. Back to Plan B. We will do this last cycle (and any possible FETs- yeah, right) and then say goodbye to IVF for good. I’m actually down on cycling again at the moment, but I know I need to do it. I know that I need to say that I tried everything I could before we walk away from IVF, because when we do, we won’t be going back. Once the door is closed, I don’t ever, I mean ever, want to open it again.
So, what’s the actual Plan B? China. Adoption has always been on our list of options we’ve been considering. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve researched adoption, checked out books from the library, spent hours and hours pouring over adoption websites, etc. I’ve done it throughout all of this IVF crap. Only now does it feel right. And it does feel right.
Adopting from China would mean taking a break for a couple of reasons. Most importantly, we’re not old enough yet. You have to be 30 when you submit your dossier to China. We’re not quite there. Most agencies recommend getting the ball rolling on the home study and dossier when the youngest member of a couple is 29.5. That would be about a year from now for us. Also, we’re most likely moving out of state in approximately 10 months. That throws even more wrenches in the scenario even if we were over 30 right now.
So, if this IVF doesn’t work then we will take some time off. We will do what people do when they’re not stuck in trying to conceive hell. (What’s that again? I’d have to go back and relearn that part.) We would most likely move in September of ‘06 and then start the adoption process a month or two later.
The wait would be worth it for us. I’ve looked at other countries in depth (we’ve always felt international was right for us) and China is at the top of our list for numerous reasons. Many of those reasons are practical (stability of program, predictability of process, support network of other families in US) but more than that, our hearts are drawn to China.
One thing I’ve learned throughout all of this is that it’s important to do what feels right. I can do countless hours of research, educate myself on anything and everything, but it’s the feeling deep in my core that lets me know when something is right for me and right for our family. A lot of times that feeling hasn’t been there, my core has been empty. I haven’t known what to do. Right now, I know. It’s that knowledge that’s going to get me through all of this. Whether it’s Plan A, Plan B, or Plan Z, we will have a child. That I know for sure.
- Posted in : Limboland: the aftermath of IVF Part 5
- Author : amanda
Comments»
No matter what happens you remain an amazing woman, not sure I can remember what people did when they weren’t counting days weeks appointments etc, but I’m sure if it comes to that you’ll enjoy it. and however your child comes to you and hubby, he/she/they are going to be very lucky lil tikes.
As always, your strength amazes me. Of course you’re tired, after all you’ve been through. But this sounds like a truly good and right Plan B.
Excellent news Amanda. Having plans just makes everything a little better.
I always have a plan B too, I love that about you.
Plan B’s are always helpful in getting through Plan A. I like your Plan B.
I hope that somehow, no matter where life takes you, that 2006 brings you some peace of mind. You deserve it.
Amanda, I’m so happy that you’ve gotten to this place. I’ll bet (okay, I hope) that it will even make cycling one last time easier for you.
I don’t want to compare our situations, but I know that, for me, in the depths of despair, everything changed when my husband and I agreed that adopting was an option, for exactly the reason you said: there WILL be a child at the end of this all. However it gets to you, you guys will have a child. And you’ll make pretty kick-ass parents, too.
Sounds like a great plan. I had no idea about being 30 for adopting from China. One more option pushed further away for us.
It makes me feel so much better to have a backup plan, too.
I didn’t react well to the HCG trigger in my IUI cycles (I don’t mean the shots themselves, but the drug). It makes me very hesitant to attempt IVF when I consider all the new drugs I’d be introducing to my body. Plus, there is the cost and the emotional roller coaster… I am trying to decide whether I’m willing to do it.
My husband and I are also considering adoption - Guatemala has appealed to us more than any other country we’ve looked at, but of course it has the highest expenses. I have no idea how we’d come up with $30-$35k.
I’m not 30 either, but probably by the time we’d be ready to file adoption papers, I’d be old enough (I’ll be 29 1/2 next July) to consider China as well. As a matter of fact, I only learned today that you can start the agency paperwork 6 months before the younger spouse turns 30, so it may work out for us.
I’m so happy that you have a plan, a plan that you feel good about, a plan that you know is right for you. There’s nothing worse than not knowing what you’re going to do next in this whole IF game. I’m hoping that this cycle is the one for you, but if it isn’t you’re going to be fine. Better than fine. You’re going to be a mother.
This is the first time in quite some time that I hear a note of concrete hope in your “voice.” I am so glad you have reached this place (so NOT glad at the circumstances that got you to it) and have a plan that works for the two of you.
This is good, good, good.
Always a plan B! A must, even though our B’s are not what we expect sometimes.
Didn’t realize about being 30 to adopt from China either.
Hope you have a good weekend Amanda,
and yay for plan B.
I think that we know deep in our hearts of hearts what is the best option. We know truly when enough is enough. I myself just feel relief that I have made a decision. I am sure that you are the same too.
Amanda, it feels that every time you do this work to figure out what to do next, you come to a clearer point of view about where you are and what you and your husband need. You blow me away. I’m so glad that plan B is there, and clear, for you. But I still hope that plan A works this time.
Whoo hoo for Plan B! I do love the January cycle too though I must say. Excellent news!
Amanda,
After my last FET just failed, I’m pretty much on the same page as you….one more fresh cycle in Jan. or Feb. then shutting the door and pursuing adoption. I’ve also lost 4 years to all of this and I just can’t afford to dedicate more years of my life to something without a guaranteed outcome… and pretty soon DH and I will have to start worrying about being too old to adopt in some places. How depressing is that?!
Your thinking about everything seems very rational and, like everyone else I’m very impressed with the insight you’ve gained. It sounds like a good plan. Either way, I think you are going to win.
Amanda, that sounds like a wonderful Plan B. I really hope the Plan A hits it this time but this sounds good and like you are ready to move on. Having a limit set is a good idea.