I Want My Body Back November 2, 2005
My body just hasn’t been the same since the miscarriage, and it’s driving me a tad bit crazy. It’s not like I was a huge fan of it beforehand, but I’m even less now.
One of my major issues at the moment is my weight. The weight I gained during this last cycle just won’t come off. I’ve been working out, and I even cut all the yummy things I live for (candy, ice cream, cookies, etc.) out of my diet. Nothing.
I’ve always gained weight during IVF cycles, but in the past I’ve been able to drop it with no problems. In fact, I’ve always seemed to lose it all during the two week wait. That was actually one of the differences this time around that led me to suspect that it might actually have worked. I didn’t lose a single pound during the 2ww.
I really thought that I’d be able to lose it after my hormones had settled down a bit after the miscarriage. Nope. I really think my body has changed now, and I’m not liking it.
Another issue I have is with my skin. While I was pregnant it was awesome. Now I’m breaking out like I’m a teenager. Damn hormones.
It sucks that I got some of the crappy pregnancy mementos but none of the good stuff. I mean, I’ve got the weight gain thing going on, and I got to deal with some fun contractions of my own, but I didn’t get the newborn baby part.
Oh, and while we’re on the topic of contractions, the nurse who told me to expect period like cramps during my miscarriage can kiss my ass. Um, hello. Those mother fuckers were contractions. Not something I’d recommend experiencing if all you’re going to get out of it is the passage of a sac. There’s no way I’m going through that again unless I know there’s a live baby to be had at the end of it. Ok, stepping off my soapbox now.
Back to the topic at hand. I want my skinny, clear skinned body back. I know it’s superficial, but I really don’t think it’s too much to ask given the shit I went through to get this way in the first place.
Whew. That felt good to get that off my chest. Nothing like a good vent to make you feel better.
Oh, and I have an editorial note to share. I will be having a guest blogger this week. My husband has agreed to blog about all of this crap from his perspective. A while back, Carrie asked how I thought dealing with male factor infertility affected my husband. (Sorry it took me so long to get to this, Carrie. I’ve been a big slug lately.) I thought, well why not just have my husband answer that. So, he’s going to. I don’t know what day he’ll be posting, but I’ve been promised it will be this week. It’s always good to hear different perspectives, and I’m sure my hubby will have an opinion or two to share about all of this.
- Posted in : Limboland: the aftermath of IVF Part 5
- Author : amanda
Comments»
I’ve NEVER been able to loose weight after IVF, so my hat is off to you for being able to do it at all. I hope that your body settles down soon - it’s a frustrating feeling. And a blog-world welcome to your husband! We struggle with MF too; I’m really glad that he’s decided to do this.
I hear you on the skin stuff. Not related to IVF but ever since I got my braces on my body seems to think that I’m a teenager again and my face is breaking out like crazy. I really do look 16 again, and it ain’t pretty.
Look forward to hearing from Mr. Banana- always good to get a guy’s perspective on things.
Carrie here. Do not apologize for any delay. My goodness with what you have dealt with, answering more questions should be the least of your concern.
With that said, Thank you. Anything that you two are willing to share would be eagerly appreciated.
I, too, cannot lose a single pound this time. Not even with my new lifecycle…..very, very frustrating.
I can’t wait to meet your husband!
I am sorry about the symptoms that won’t go away. And boy do I hear you on the natural miscarriage. I absolutely won’t do it without general anesthesia and a D&C now.
And welcome to the guest blogger!
I found that it took forever to get the weight off post-m/c. Complete suckage.
Ugh! I hear ya on the weight gain and acne.
I cannot wait to read your husbands post!
Whew (wipes forehead) I am officially caught up in here. So sorry you are having to deal with the aftereffects of the m/c. Well, actually I’m sorry that you are having to deal with anything related to a m/c.
I hear ya on the weight. I’ve been struggling since I first started this mess. Its like the hormones just hang on to every last fat cell for dear life. Ugh!
Oooh, can’t wait to hear hubby’s post. Maybe this will start a trend. I should ask mine if he would post. Actually, that may not be such a good idea in my case, y’all might want hime all the time since he is a far better writer than I am.
I’m just now losing the weight after my miscarriage in June. I’m sorry this sucks so much.
You certainly deserve to have your old-self back after all you’ve been through. I never did lose my weight after last year’s m/c…I hope your body starts cooperating soon.
I’m sorry you are still having to deal with all this crap! A while ago when I was going to an accupuncturist, she told me that they consider miscarriage to be a much larger event for the body than western medicine does. Your body started a process that never was able to be completed, and it is very confusing and hard on your body. Be patient with yourself. You have a lot of healing to do.
I’m so sorry about all these lingering symptoms. Not fair at all. I’m glad your husband will be posting! Should be a very interesting perspective.
I agree with Joie, and your nurse can kiss my ass too. It hurts something fierce and it takes more time to heal.
There is something just so wrong about what you’re going through with your body right now. I mean, damn, haven’t you suffered enough?? Isn’t the wacky skin and lack of wt loss just overkill, Universe? I’m so sorry. I know how much it hurts to hate your body while going thru IF… and that must be a cakewalk compared to what you’re feeling post-mc. Hang in there. You’re doing all you can do to get your body back in line.
I cannot believe that nurse said that to you. Somehow I doubt she’s ever had a mc. Or a period, for that matter.
Can’t wait to see what your husband has to say!
I hear you loud and clear on the weight loss issues. I don’t know what the hell is going on with my body.
It’s rather disgusting at the moment.
Yep, I agree not fair at all. And what an idiot nurse. Period cramps? She’s got to be kidding…
Also, can’t wait to hear from hubby!
It took 6 months for the weight to come off when I had my one AI cycle in 1997. I was 38. I was really shocked–there was nothing on the net in those days and I didn’t know anybody else who had fertility treatment, so I was very unhappy as you can imagine. It did finally drop off.
I value my clear skin and being thin too so I know how you’re feeling. I also value my long hair which seems to be falling out more with each cyle :( Superficial or not, there are just not a lot of things I have going for me to help drag my self esteem out of the gutter these days. Hey, I’m all for looking like hell temporarily for a positive outcome but having to experience the annoyances of of pregancy without anything to show for it is just not fair!
Try not to get too discouraged and just keep up with the exercise and eating right. Eventually, any extra pounds are going to have to fall off….(you know how it goes, probably just in time for your next cycle). As far as the skin issue, maybe your dermatologist can give you something to help (antibiotics?) until your hormones level out at which case it will probably resolve itself.
That’s great that your husband is posting.
I know feels pretty alone with this male factor infertility issue. I think part of the reason why he’s so hesitant to give up on IVF is that, for him, it’s the only way he feels he can fix a problem he sees as his fault.
It’s not at all superficial, Amanda. Control is so hard to lose and it’s taken from us so early in the process. I remember that you were/are a ballerina and naturally very skinny so it must be even harder to cope with for you than it is for some of the rest of us who are more used to being a tad overweight. I hope you can kick your body back into gear soon - does exercise help at all?
Just checking on you. I’ll hit the bike for an hour if you do. Take care cutie.
Oops…while reading other’s posts I just noticed I missed a few words on mine. I meant to say “my” husband feels alone with the male factor infertility issue and that he feels it’s his fault. The way my post reads, I guess one could think I was saying that’s how your husband must feel. Sorry about that!
Love your Site!