Climbing Back on the Wagon November 20, 2005
Thank you. How the hell I would make it through all of this crap, especially the really low points, without my blogland friends is beyond me. When I was way down in the rut on Friday, it was impossible to remember that it was normal to feel that way given the circumstances . Thank you for reminding me that I was not a total freak for feeling that way.
I woke up with a lovely hangover Saturday morning but decided that wasn’t going to stop me from attempting to climb back on the wagon. I got my ass on the treadmill and worked out. Yeah, I felt like total shit doing so, but it was necessary. I worked out again this morning and managed to walk three miles. Not bad.
I’ve also relegated the vodka bottle to the back of the fridge and am back on my no sweet treats diet. It is ok to indulge every now and then, but I am so bad about the whole moderation thing. Soooo bad. So, it’s just easier if I abstain altogether.
I’m feeling better. No, I’m not skipping around with a big smile on my face, but I’m definitely doing better. One thing that’s helped is doing stuff. I’ve had a pretty darn productive day today, and it feels good. I feel so beyond unproductive reproductively speaking right now, and that depresses me to no end. Getting some other stuff done helps a little.
It definitely takes effort to keep from feeling the need to crawl into a cave. Sometimes all the effort in the world isn’t enough. Sometimes it helps, though. And sometimes you’ve got to crawl into the cave in order for things to look brighter when you crawl back out.
- Posted in : Limboland: the aftermath of IVF Part 5
- Author : amanda
Comments»
I also “fell off the wagon” last week. I had 4 (or 5?) glasses of wine one night when I went to watch DH sing at band practice. This is after I had asked him to stop drinking in an effort to improve his situation before our next (and last) IVF and he has been great about it…..he didn’t have a drop even though everyone else was. He told me I could have 1 but I completely lost self control. Not very supportive of me. I felt so guilty the next day :(
Anyway, you have so much pressure on you and you’ve been through an enormous amount over the past few years…and this last year especially. Try to stop being so hard on yourself. You’re allowed to be less than perfect occasionally. I think what makes it expecially hard is that we have to put such strict restraints on ourselves during a cycle. For me, anyway, I just feel a bit of rebellion when I’m not in the middle of a cycle. I just want to do whatever it is that everyone else seems to be doing that I always can’t for once (if that makes any sense!).
Anyway, the positive side of things is you were able to pick yourself up and get back on the right track the following day. That’s what counts. One bad day isn’t really going to do any damage.
Oops, and that e-mail was from me Amanda.
I forgot to enter my name.
Make that, that “post” was from me. Sorry. I got 2 hours of sleep last night. Can you tell?!
So true.
Glad you are feeling better.
Glad you are feeling a bit better. *hugs*
Uh, I don’t think you mentioned what kind of cookies and what you did with the leftovers (if there were any).
the main thing you have to remember is that we all understand, and you don’t have to apologise to us, ever, for what you post.
I’m sorry friday was the pits, and glad that today is a bit better. You are an incredibly strong woman amanda. It’s not just the baby that died this time, it’s the loss of all those other potential babies, it’s the loss of your kitty, it’s the stress of your family being uprooted. You’ve had a tremendous load to deal with, it’s not surprising you fall off the wagon occasionally.
We’re here for you whatever, whenever. We know some of what you’re feeling, and if we could lift any of the burden, we would.
Glad you are feeling up, or at least, higher than you have been. I can’t imagine how hard this must all be. Impossibly difficult. I hope there is a light for you soon.
Oh Amanda,
Sometimes a good (self-medicating) bender is just what the Dr. ordered.
You last paragraph is sooo true also..
Hope you get feeling better.
No need to apologize or make excuses. We all get by however we can. I think going into the cave and really immersing yourself in your feelings for a little while makes it easier to bounce back in the end. You’ve had quite a couple of months. I think you are handling it amazingly.