Sometimes It’s Hard to Feel Thankful November 22, 2005
I know I have many things that I am thankful for, but I’m finding it hard to feel thankful in general. It’s just one thing after another these days, and it’s enough to wear me down.
Should I be thankful that after five IVF/FET cycles that I finally got pregnant past the initial positive beta stage only to miscarry a matter of weeks later? Should I be thankful that I lost my sweet kitty companion of 17 years? Should I be thankful that I got to watch a massive hurricane tear through the city where I grew up and where my parents and other family members still live?
Should I be thankful that I got an email from my mom letting my know that they had to put one of our family cats to sleep yesterday, a cat who I had found in middle school and had grown up with? Obviously this is not as hard as losing my sweet Dixie, but it’s still hard.
There have just been so many shitty things happen these past few months. How can I be thankful that my world has been turned upside down too many times to count?
When I take a step back it is possible for me to focus on the things that I am thankful for, though. I’m thankful for my hubby. I’m thankful for my kitties. I’m thankful that my family is ok. That even though Rita ripped that city to pieces, that they’re ok. I’m thankful for all of my friends who I’ve met through the internet.
I wish I could just focus on the good stuff. I’m trying, but it’s so hard sometimes. I’m sure the fact that I’m majorly PMSing at the moment doesn’t help. That never helps. I just want to be happy and not worry about the bad stuff. I’m not even necessarily asking for the universe to start treating me well, just to leave me alone for a little bit. Just some peace and quiet would be enough to make me feel thankful.
- Posted in : Limboland: the aftermath of IVF Part 5
- Author : amanda
Comments»
Amen to that, sister. Peace and quiet. And here’s hoping that next year we will have much more for which to be thankful.
I think you should be thankful that you are aware of exactly how much trauma you’ve lived through recently. Give yourself some credit, you have been through hell. Hell.
When I lost my Sam (21 yrs) I saw, smelled and missed him for weeks, months even, and I have a new kitten that I adore but she’s not Sam.
And a miscarriage after all the IVF torture you’ve been through, well we’re here. You take as much time as need. You deserve a break.
Thinking of you.
Hey, the fact that you can look on the bright side even a little bit is pretty damn impressive in my book. You’ve been through hell lately, and it’s hard to find your holiday cheer after that. I hope you get the peace and quiet you deserve.
I know what you mean. Lately life has been using me as it’s personal punching bag. I’m getting a little tired of it.
However, for all of the bad things, I’ve found a small piece that could, if shined up enough, be not quite so horrible. Granted I’m using my thankful microscope to FIND it, but at least I’m trying which is a BIG improvement for me.