Confession Time January 8, 2006
I don’t know if I care to admit this, but I’m actually feeling a tad hopeful about this cycle. I know, shocker. I have a sordid history with that bitch Hope. I have spent many cycles trying my best to thwart her, and I can honestly say that I have felt completely and utterly hopeless on many occasions.
Why have I let a glimmer of hope in this cycle? A few reasons.
- I feel like I’m in good hands with my new RE. I mean, I did get pregnant on my first cycle with my new clinic.
- I have a new diagnosis and am being treated for it.
- My cervix, my IVF Achilles heel, appears to be a little less wonky now.
- I’ve gotten pregnant on two out of three of my fresh cycles. Not bad.
- I’m trying a different protocol this time. Change is good.
Now, do I think this cycle actually has a chance of working? (And by working, I mean actually getting a kid out of it.) Fuck if I know. I mean, probably not just because that’s how things work out for me. I guess it could, though.
All I know is that I’m hoping so much that it will. I don’t know if I’d go as far as to say I’m embracing the bitch this cycle, but if she wants to poke her nose in every now and again, I don’t think I’ll kick her ass for it.
She’s not about to get me to forget the reality of the situation, though. I mean, come on. I’ve had five transfers with nothing to show for it. She’s not nearly good enough to get me to overlook that, but I guess she does have her place from time to time. I guess if letting the bitch butt in every once in a while helps me get through it all one more time, she’s not all bad.
- Posted in : IVF Part 6: IVF #4
- Author : amanda
Comments»
I think Hope kept in check can be a good thing. If only to feel a positive emotion once in a while…Snide remarks aside, there is a real chance that it will work. That should be acknowledged! Good Luck!
I am hoping for you too.
I can’t imagine being in your shoes and feeling any other way. I’ll be on the sidelines in the meantime, watching and waiting for every single update.
This is the best possible perspective to have in the final phase of the cycle, I think. Hope, tempered. Really, really hoping that this is the one for you. All signs look good!
We need to have at least some Hope otherwise, why would we put ourselves through all this crap. Plus I agree re: cervix, MTFHR and treatment, new protocol. I really, truly hope this is the cycle that brings real, live actual kid into your lives.
Lots and lots of hope for you!
Amanda, I’m glad you are feeling the Hope. As much as we hate the bitch, without her where would we be.
Sounds like you’ve got a good balance of hope and…cynicism? Whatever it is that helps protect our hearts…I’m trying to think of the word but I’m coming up short. I’m hoping for you too!
I don’t think it’s such a bad thing to let Hope in every once in a while (that is, until she starts drinking heavily and getting lazy about cleaning up after herself … then she’s GOT to go). She’s annoying but without her, none of us would be able to continue on this long torturous journey. Good luck on this cycle.
I know it’s hard to let her in. I hope she provides comfort. I’m hoping for you too…
It’s not worth keeping her out all the time. That way lies lying on the sofa, weeping uncontrollably and eating bonbons all day. Just make her behave herself.
As my DH keeps pointing out, Hope is not the problem. It’s expectations that kick you in the ass. I have hope for you too.
I amd hoping that this cycle works for you. And glad that your wonky cervix is just a little less wonky. Mine has some of those 90 degree turns in it as well…hmmm.