The Measure of Progress February 23, 2006
I think sometimes it’s really hard to see that we’re making progress even when we feel like we’re stuck or even moving backwards. Obviously I have no major accomplishment to celebrate at the moment, but I’m trying hard to notice the small things, the things that in the grand scheme of things really do mark progress.
The situation with Muffy has been a little better the past two nights. We’ve made it to 6am which is definitely progress. Tuesday night I just decided to be more stubborn than she was and last night I think I was too tired to even realize if she was trying to bug me to get up.
Oh, and for those who asked, Salvador cannot eat Muffy’s prescription food. That would probably be worse than if she ate his food. In July and November of 2004, Salvador fought two very serious bouts of Pancreatitis. We almost lost him the first time. He wouldn’t eat or drink, was throwing up bile, and ended up in the kitty hospital for a week. He ended up having major surgery. It was a very hard time, and it was a hard recovery for him. Pancreatitis is very hard to diagnose, but once we figured out what it was we put him on a very low fat diet. He’s doing fine now and has not had another episode.
It’s very important that we keep him on a low fat diet so that he never has to go through that again. Muffy’s new food has almost twice the fat content of Salvador’s food. That would not be good for him to eat at all.
We may end up having to put Muffy back on normal food anyway. Her body is having a very hard time adjusting to the new prescription food. We started her off on Hills K/D, but it gave her intestinal troubles. Even after reintroducing it to her at a very, very slow pace, her system never got used to it. We are now in the process of switching her over to Purina NF, another prescription kidney food, to see if she does better on it. So far not so much, but we’re giving it some time. I know the prescription food benefits her, but I’m sure she’d just assume do without the side effects.
On to other areas of progress. There’s that whole infertility thing going on (always, always) that needs to be dealt with as well. Some days are easier than others. Some days are down right impossible.
It’s hard for me when I’m having a down day thinking about the fact that I will probably never get to experience a pregnancy that doesn’t end in miscarriage, one that actually results in a real live baby, to realize that processing that grief is actually progress. But it is. Reevaluating our options for after we do this final FET even though I’m pretty darn sure of my opinion on the matter is also progress. It’s important.
I’m not cycling right now, not even close, but that doesn’t mean I can’t move forward even when it feels like I’m moving sideways or standing still. Sometimes just making it through the day in one piece is progress enough. In the end, I hope I can look back and see how far I’ve come, how much progress I really did make along the way even if it didn’t feel like it. I guess I already can to some extent. I guess that in itself is progress.
- Posted in : Post cycle #6: Waiting for the final cycle, my furry children
- Author : amanda
Comments»
Dear Amanda, I admire your grace and strength at this difficult time, your looking ahead and your recognition that progress sometimes comes in unexpected guises. You sound like such an amazing person.
And I’m glad your cat is doing a bit better, so that you can get a good night’s sleep at least. Hope you can push her to 8 or 9 a.m. soon.
Though I haven’t been there that much lately, I have been thinking about you a great deal.
XO Kath
I hear ya. I’m not cycling either and grasping for the same sense of that, oh so evasive, sense of progress . . . .
Very insightful post.
I start stimming tomorrow night for what I think will definitely be my last cycle. At 36, I feel like it’s just time to start looking at other options. I just can’t do this anymore. It’s so all consuming for me that I feel like my life is just passing by without my really being a participant. I also might be missing out on pursuing adoption. I tried to look at things with your angle but not very successfully. I feel like everything around me is changing and evolving but I’ve just been stuck in limbo for the last 4 yrs. It seems like the only thing moving forward is my age :(
Oh well, sorry to be so depressing. Never mind me. I’m on lupron. Need I say more?!
Staci
You are so strong Amanda. I’m glad you are getting more sleep to help keep that strength up.
Oh, amanda, it’s always something, isn’t it? At least you’re able to see the progress. Sometimes it is hard. I know.
Your furbabies are so cute and so sweet. You are taking such wonderful care of them. You are very patient to get up so many times with Muffy through the night. At least they are a loveable distraction from your sadness.
You have so much courage - and you write so well. I am going through adoption after trying for over a year to get preg (never even got two pink lines) and your blogg helps me along. I am so sorry pregnancy has not worked out for you. BTW, my cat wakes me up every night to bring her downstairs and lock her up in mud room with a new pouch of soft cat food - she is 16 and I am a pushover so I do it every night - I figure it is good practice for when the baby comes.
Amanda you are the very epitome of grace under fire. I think you’re doing amazingly well. I hope that the kitties continue to let you sleep and that the processing isn’t too painful.
Wow, Amanda. It’s amazing how you are able to handle it all. I hope your kitties recover soon and let you get some sleep. Glad you see progress and that things are moving along. I hope your destination brings you much-deserved joy.
Hi Amanda. Sometimes just getting out of bed is progress. And sometimes just being able to talk about your experience is progress.Life throws us so much shit, and it’s good to pay attention to the little things that really matter right nows: your loving felines, for example. If I didn’t have my cat through all of the tests and failures, I’d be a disaster. Keep your chin up, better days are coming somehow, someway.
oh yeah, that was me posting #9
Your an incredible woman Amanda, after all the hell you’ve been thru you still have an amazing strength and dignity, even if some days it doesn’t/wont feel like it. lady you got it!
Hope your kitties are letting you sleep no suggestions on how to handle that situation, I still feed the dogs seperately at different times and different foods, but it’s worth it dog/cat snuggle time is delish and v v good for the soul