The Obligatory 2ww Freakout Post May 18, 2006
Well, maybe I’m not totally freaking out, but I’m most definitely being tortured by this damn wait for beta. This one is harder. I knew it would be.
I know I’m going to be crushed if this cycle didn’t work. I mean flattened. We’ve got some things scheduled for this weekend that will hopefully prevent me from immediately curling up into a ball of immovable depression should we get bad news. We’re driving over to Houston on Saturday. First up is an acupuncture session in the afternoon. Then we’re going to an Astros game Saturday evening. Beta is Sunday morning, and then we’re going house hunting with our Realtor a little later in the day on Sunday. Kind of a crazy plan, one which I know will only delay the inevitable flattening, but it’s a plan nonetheless.
I know I have no say in how things will play out. I’ve learned that lesson too well by now. However, I really hope the infertility gods will listen to me on one thing. If this cycle isn’t successful, long term successful, then I really, really hope that I’ll just get a negative beta on Sunday. I want to be spared the agony of another chemical, or even worse another miscarriage, so very much.
Yesterday I felt the need to go back and read some of the posts from my third fresh cycle. More specifically, I read the posts and comments from the 2ww, through when I got to see those magical two lines, through when I got my first doubling beta, through getting horrible news via ultrasound, and finally through my miscarriage posts. I sat here and cried. I don’t want to go through that again. I don’t know if I can.
This two week wait is torture. It really is, but that is beyond torture.
It’s hard to imagine that I could get good news this time around. It’s hard to imagine that I could get good news that would continue on to more good news and not go to hell at some point. Even if I could let myself go there, which I can’t, it just seems impossible at this point.
So, three more days. It seems like such a short time. I have no doubt, though, that it will feel like an eternity.
- Posted in : IVF Part 7: FET #3
- Author : amanda
Comments»
Dear Amanda, I can imagine it’s terribly hard for you right now — the fear, the hope, the crushing weight of the past, the endless waiting… all I can say is that you’re in my thoughts and I’m hoping that you get good news on Sunday, and two weeks after that, and two weeks after that, and so forth until you get the best news of all.
I wish I could do something to make this easier, my dear, and most of all I wish I could stack the odds heavily in your favor. But for now my hope and affection will have to do.
i don’t know if I’ve said it before or not but you’re an amazing woman! I can’t imagine what you’ve been through. I will do a magical fertility dance to the fertility godess for you. Your story is a testment that we can make it through –we’ll be changed forever but we can make it. Thank you for sharing and giving us hope.
Amanda I hope with every fibre of my being that only good news comes your way for a long time to come; you truly deserve it.
The 2ww torture is hell, but when we know the pits of despair potentially beyond it it adds a whole new dimension. I wish you only good things….
I can’t even imagine what you’re going through right now. I’m sure “torture” is an understatement. I will keep hoping and praying for good news.
You have been through so much, and now it’s down to this.
OF COURSE you are stressed out, I am only amazed that you are holding it together so well.
A busy weekend sounds like just the ticket, but I hope you are able to have some time off on Monday to process the news, any way it goes.
But it had BETTER be good. Your ship needs to come in NOW.
Amanda, I was thinking about you today as I rode my bike realizing this week has flown by for me and hoping the time was passing quickly for you and I am hoping with all hope that this weekend brings you the news you and hubby have been dreaming/fighting for. I can’t imagine what you are going through but we are praying for you!
God bless you! God bless you with your heart’s desire, give you happiness, and ease the trial of this wait.
Three days IS an eternity in our world. I don’t blame you for being anxious. I hope that tomorrow’s POAS brings you some relief. Of the very good variety.
Thank goodness this 2ww is coming to a close, but I’m sure these last few days will seem endless. It just sucks that even if you get good news initially, you have to continue to worry. I’ll be thinking about you and Dan this weekend.
BTW, I enjoyed reading Dan’s post from the male perspective. I’ll have to see if I can ever convince Daron to do the same.
Amanda – the 2ww sucks, and the last 3 days do seem to take forever. I hope that at the end of these 3 days, you get the best news and the good news continues. Take care!
3 days may as well be 3 years it stretches with a weird twilight zone effect.
wishing you a strong doubling beta or in lieu of that the fast deflate of an absolute neg. either way I hope for only the best for you and dan.
I know how much is riding on this for you and I just wish I could do something to make things easier on you. I’m even feeling anxious about Sunday! It’s like you are probably torn between wanting it to get here quickly yet not wanting it to get here at all. I have to admit I don’t pray as often as I should, but I will doing so this weekend.
It is just such an awful time, I was going insane this time last week. I don’t know what to suggest other than writing inane posts (pick up a couple of weird memes) and watching bad television. That’s the only thing that works for me.