Limboland Must Have Missed Me May 23, 2006
I so wanted to see a doubling number today. I didn’t get that. Today’s beta was 282, up from 153 on Sunday. That’s an increase of 84% with a doubling time of 54.4 hours.
I know this could be worse. I know it’s still considered “ok.” It doesn’t feel ok, though. It feels terrifying.
I had things I considered blogging about yesterday, but I couldn’t. I’ve been too scared to do much of anything. This doesn’t help.
I don’t want to have to be so scared that it brings me to tears. I realize now how very deeply my battle scars run. Maybe if this wasn’t my umpteenth cycle or if I hadn’t had previous losses I’d be more ok right now. I know I should just be grateful that the numbers are positive and let everything else fade away. I wish I could.
It’s very hard to always expect the worst. I wish I could have faith that everything is going to work out fine. I wish I could believe that I’ll finally have my dream fulfilled this time around. I think I’ve just been through too much for that to be possible, though.
I have to go back on Saturday for beta #3. Until then I’ll be sitting here hoping so very much that this isn’t the beginning of the end.
- Posted in : IVF Part 7: FET #3
- Author : amanda
Comments»
God - I hope this is not a limbo number and that Saturday’s beta is much better looking. I can’t imagine how scared you must be - I will be thinking of you and Dan.
That’s really, really close to doubling, I know it’s hard, but focus on that. I will be crossing everything for you. ((((HUGS))))
Hi sweetie. Hang in there. I am thinking of you so much. I wish there was something I could say or do that would make all of this even a little bit easier.
You deserve it. I hope it works. Saturday couldn’t get here soon enough.
Ugh! I am hoping like mad that Saturday’s number is right on target. I so, so, so wish none of us had to be in beta hell… ever! I find waiting for beta numbers to be the most stressful part of this whole process.
Delurking to say that I am hoping like hell that this is just a slow start to a beautiful thing. I will be thinking of you this week.
I’m sorry this isn’t easier. You’ll be in my thoughts.
oh amanda, i would feel the same way. so at least don’t beat yourself up about how you feel. i’m sorry it wasn’t more straight-forwardly optimistic news though. sending you some strength to make it through to saturday.
Hang in there, Amanda. Thinking of you.
I’m sick with fear for you. I can’t imagine not feeling this way. But with you.
I’m so sorry to hear that, and am also sending you strength to make it through Saturday. It seems like forever away; I’m sorry you have to wait so long. I will be hoping that someone is just a little slow to catch up, and your numbers look great, but I can understand your sadness and fear.
I completely understand your fear, but those numbers really are just fine. My 2nd beta for this pregnancy doubled in 57 hours, and it’s the only one that’s ever lasted. Take heart, you’re well within the range you need to be right now.
Thinking of you. I’m praying so hard that everything will be o.k. and the numbers continue to go up.
Unfortunately for you and so many of us we will never get to experience the true joy of getting a positive HPT or beta, it will always be accompanied by total fear. I understand everything that you just wrote too well, minus a positive from IVF, but from my past losses, I understand all too well how you are feeling. It is terrifying Amanda, and it’s so fucking hard. Thinking of you hon. Hang in there if you possibly can, and praying that all goes well on Saturday.
Thinking of you and praying that everything turns out ok.
I’m so sorry this isn’t easier. I’m terrified with you and hoping like hell that you get good news on Saturday. Hang in there.
I completely understand, but hang in there. This pregnancy will be terrifying at any stage. You know too much and have been through too much. Take one day at a time. I’ll be thinking of you.
Delurking to send my support and prayers for a great number on Saturday!
Oh, Amanda. Of course it’s terrifying, just like every freaking thing about this whole infertility experience. I wish so much that you were exempt from it this time.
Also delurking to let you know I am thinking of you and praying for a great beta on Saturday. I, too, would love to know why it has to be so hard. I hope the next few days do not drag by too slowly.
Hang in there. *hugs*
Amanda, I’d be holding your hand every minute, if I could. I wish it weren’t so terrifying. My prayers are with you for this next hurdle.
Thinking of you and willing those numbers to continue increasing dramatically. Hang in there.
I know you’re terrified - and sounds like most of us are suitably nervous as well. Still keeping crossed… but also keeping up the hope! (Yes, I know.. the evil H word.)
Good luck.
I’ve so been there and it is such a sucky place to be. For me, this 2 week wait (until the u/s) was always worse than the first 2 ww. I really hope all goes well and that you find ways to maintain your sanity in the meantime. Got any good (not pregnancy, not IF) books to read?
*Keeping fingers crossed* and still thinking NBHHY thoughts. Saturday is WAY too long a wait! I can’t believe they are making you wait so long. *fingers and toes always crossed*
Maybe somebody said it…but could a high beta be multiples?
i am really hoping and praying for you!! :)
If this gives you any comfort at all, my doubling time between betas 1 and 2 with the twins was SIXTY hours. I was absolutely freaking out, but they reassured me repeatedly at my clinic that doubling in 48 - 72 hours is considered normal and healthy. They didn’t even have me come in for a third beta — that’s how comfortable they were with the 60 hour doubling time. Hang in there, honey.
Hoping with you my friend. And yes, Fuzzy’s right–waiting ’til Saturday is way too long! Please remember that you’re pg, yes, today you are and hopefully tomorrow and many many (oh, say 280 or thereabouts) more days as well. NBHHY.
Hang in there Amanda! I am really hoping that it works out and I can’t imagine what you must be going through. Knowing that you have tried so many times before must be difficult, but hang in there!!
I’m thinking of you a lot, Amanda, and hoping that this is just a little blip and everything is fine. Hang in there, I still have lots of hope that this will be OK
Amanda, I am also hoping right along with you that you can have another (good) beta and a healthy and uneventful pregnancy.
I will be thinking of you!
Ya know, would it be so hard for the universe to just give you a decisively positive answer just this ONCE?! On one hand I’m intensely frustrated for you, but on the other, I’m still optimistic (caustiously of couse) that this will work out. The number still looks good. Hang in there.
there is no hiding from the scars this whole thing causes, but hopefully come this weekend a new number will be posted that shows everything is doing as it should and a little balm is applied to your hurt.
Thinking of you and seriously twisting everything inside out that next beta is a good one.
Hoping you get some good news on Saturday. Hang in there.
Amanda, it just really sucks to get equivocal news, I’m so sorry. It does sound as if this is not nearly as equivocal as it feels, but I do understand completely that it feels that way. I hope you are not giving up hope for now, but hanging in there. We will all be here with you through to Saturday.
Dear Amanda, it is indeed very close to doubling. How I wish, for your peace of mind, it had been just under the 48 hours mark, instead of just over, but as you said it is well within range. Would it lighten your spirits a bit if I told you my theory that embryos just can’t handle simple math?
This is such a terrifying time, especially with all that you have gone through. Please know that there’s a whole cyberworld out there hoping for you and wishing you well. A big hug, my dear, and a big wish that I could take your mind off things until Saturday and then until the first reassuring ultrasound and then until the next one and so forth until all the hurdles are safely passed.
Hi Amanda, I just had a chance to check in. I’m so sorry to read this post, but as Kath just wrote above, I hope it’s simply that embryos can’t handle math. Good luck with this next bit of waiting. I’ll be thinking of you and sending you all kinds of good thoughts.
I am hoping great things for those embryos but in the meantime, lets have some distractions. House details, maybe? Thinking of you, sweetie.
Thinking of you here in London, and really really hoping for the best.
Amanda…I am so sorry your numbers didn’t double but you are sooo close! Try (I know harder said than done) to find some peace of mind between now and Saturday. Unfortunately this process is full of nervous moments. Hang in there. You will definately be in my thoughts.
Amanda. I am hoping hoping hoping that things are ok. Please don’t do your head in yet. Hang in there xxxxx
I wish you had gotten a stronger number so that you could relax some…even though you know it’s an acceptable number I know it doesn’t help. This crap is so very scary…you are going through a lot right now. I hope and pray Saturday brings you great news and you can relax a little at that point.
Like everyone else, I wish the number had been really straighforward (the last thing you need right now is anything which inspires doubt). From what others are saying though, it seems like doubling in 48 hours is just the average and that doesn’t mean if you’re slightly under doubling that there is anything wrong. I know you already know this but I figure repeating it in an attempt to drive the bad thoughts from your head couldn’t hurt.
I’m sorry you’re playing the waiting game again now until Sat. and hoping the rest of the week goes by fast and that Sat. brings you a number that leaves no room for you to worry (at least not about that….I know that not worrying at all after all you’ve been through is probably near impossible).
Thinking of you and hoping beyond hope that Saturday brings great news.
Wishing you the best news on Saturday with all my bits crossed.
Thinking of you and wishing you the best on Saturday!
Take care