The Bright Side of Waiting May 30, 2006
Usually waiting is one of the hardest parts for me in all of this crap. I’m just an impatient person, and it sucks to feel like I’m not making progress. However, I’m actually ok with the wait for my ultrasound at the moment. That goes against my nature, but there’s something greater at play right now.
Until I go in for that ultrasound appointment, it can’t officially be over. No news means no bad news. Limboland is never fun, but it sure as hell beats “the end.” It’s just like the wait for beta. Sure, the two week wait is torture, but seeing one line on a pee stick or getting the negative beta call sucks oh so much more. The same principle applies with the wait for my ultrasound.
I’m actually trying not to even think about this crap, because when I do I automatically go into worst case scenario land. I have absolutely no expectations of good things to come. Not one. Actually, the opposite is true. Just like I expected my third beta to not increase, I expect to get bad news on Monday. It’s seems impossible to have anything else happen.
Dan and I were talking the other day about the house we have our eye on and what we would hypothetically do with each room. Dan mentioned the words “baby room” and I immediately shut him down. To be honest, I don’t think he was even thinking in terms of a need for a room if things somehow managed to go well this time around. He just meant a room for any possible future children down the line. It didn’t matter. I couldn’t stand to think about it or talk about it. It’s too hard.
It’s much easier to sit here in denial land. I know that’s not entirely possible, but I can try. For once, I just want to wait.
- Posted in : IVF Part 7: FET #3
- Author : amanda
Comments»
Waiting is hell, and I can’t even imagine what you are going through right now. Hang in there and be ultra good to yourself during this time.
I can fully understand the waiting. I’ve been doing my fair share. Go do something fun while you’re waiting. It will keep your mind off the ultrasound. :)
I think I can understand that.. I’m sorry this is so hard for you, Amanda. {{hug}} Hang in there as best you can - whatever it takes.
I do understand what you’re saying. For me, I actually love the first few days of the 2ww. It’s as close as I’ve ever come to feeling pregnant. Like you said, as hard as waiting might be, it’s certainly much nicer to be able to stay in that place and that frame of mind then to confront the one line hpt again or the negative beta call.
Anyway, I really don’t believe you’re headed for disaster at all. After all you’ve been through, I can’t say I wouldn’t be having a hard time believing that it finally happened though either. I just hope that Monday will bring you lots of reassurance and some confidence that things are finally going to go right.
Hurry up and wait. That’s how I feel sometimes during these cycles.
I hope that Monday brings you the best possible news!
I’m right there with you, but I really believe that this is going to work for you this time. I am thinking about you!
For me I think what you are doing and feeling is as close as infertiles get to “relaxing”. so go for it denial isn’t as bad as some of the options and a whole lot better than stressing to the nth degree.
That room the one we all have is a bit like the elephant in the room at times it got to me so much I turned it into a sewing room at least this way I can enter it and not wonder about what ifs.
Thinking bout you and cramping from having things so tightly crossed for monday.
Lalalalala…what’s happening on Monday? Don’t know, don’t care, just going about my business this week, lalalalala. I love denial; it’s such a pretty land.
big hugs, Amanda.
I hope all goes well on Monday. I totally understand what you mean about the waiting.
Take care and all the best
Hoping everything is well Monday too. I’m so understanding denial land.
I totally understand. Hang in there.
I’m thinking of you Amanda.
Denial is so much more than a river in Egypt….
On my last cycle i POAS at the very last moment, and didn’t even want to go in for my beta but my clinic made me. I didn’t have a repeat beta, just waited for my u/s. That way the dream stayed alive for just a little bit longer. After all the hanging out and waiting the not knowing is nice for a while.
Enjoy denial land. You deserve to be where you need to be right now.
Oh Amanda, I know how you feel. I am in the middle of a kitchen renovation and I could have doubled the size of it by knocking though into the junk room. Of course, the junk room might, maybe, possibly have a different designation in the future but it is the room that shall not be named at the moment. Thinking of you, sweetie.
Hang in there sweetie. I hope there is lots to keep you distracted between now and Monday. Got any good, mindless books to read?
Amanda - I wish you good good news. You so deserve it.