Forced Out of the Closet June 30, 2006
I had to say it… out loud… to a real person.
I’ve been having trouble with one of my eyes for the past week. Remember madballs? You know the bloodshot one? Yeah, that was what half of my left eye looked like.
I finally hauled my ass to the eye doctor on Wednesday. I got examined, diagnosed, and all that good stuff. Then it came time for the doctor to write my prescription.
I knew I had to say it, and it came out in a slightly hushed voice. I asked him to make sure that whatever he prescribed was safe for use during pregnancy. “You’re pregnant?” he replied. I mumbled out a little “yes.” I mean, why else would I ask that question? Did he really have to ask me to say it again?
It’s hard to say it out loud when I’m still so scared. I’ve really tried to chill the hell out, but it’s really not me. I don’t “just relax.” That is just not how I’m made.
I’ve been having a major freakout session today. My body is trying to scare the hell out of me with diminishing symptoms, and I’m not liking it one bit. Dan keeps trying to reassure me that everything is still ok, but I need proof. It’s going to be a long weekend.
At least the eye is on the mend. Those eye drops are magical, I tell ya. Although, I have to admit that freaking out over my screwed up eyeball was at least keeping me distracted from freaking out about other things as much. Now I can focus all of my attention on the “is it dead?” freakout. Like I said, it’s going to be a long weekend.
- Posted in : Post cycle #7: Trying to stay knocked up
- Author : amanda
Comments»
I wish I had the magic anti-worry pill. You all should go out this weekend- go see a dumb movie or something.
I like the movie suggestion- better yet, rent a bunch of movies so you can numb your brain all weekend. Hope your eye clears up.
It’s so hard not to worry. Nay, impossible. I’m sorry about your eye, I am prone to eye problems myself and they suck mightily. May this weekend pass quickly with continuing good news on Monday.
1 word: DOPPLER
Amanda, it will keep you sane.
Too early for the doppler. Just keep trying to remind yourself that NBHHY and that Monday will be here soon.
Just catching up after my vacation. Glad to hear that things are going well. Love the house.
Your last post really hit home with me… I am good at IVF stuff, but the rest is all screwed up. Thanks for turning on a light for me!
Take care and hope that as time goes by you get to enjoy things a little.
Assvice alert: Rent a doppler! It’s the only thing that kept me sane. I started using it at 10 weeks.
Yes, I agree with emily – rent a doppler. it will do wonders… and you’ll be sane. Sanity is good, especially when you’re pregnant! Best of luck to you – i found your blog through ‘a little pregnant’ .. when i was pregnant. stay optimistic and positive… it’s the best medicine.
Oh, don’t think I haven’t had my eye on a doppler. I wanted to make it through this next u/s at 10w1d before actually ordering one, though. I knew it would drive me crazy to get one early and then not be able to find the hearbteat. Thus the wait. Plus, I really hate the thought of ordering one only to have to return it a few weeks later. If things somehow manage to still look good on Monday then I will be ordering one post haste.
Congratulations for uttering the magic word. Maybe it’s like in Harry potter – no one else says Voldemort except harry and dumbledore. Everyone else is too scared. Maybe if we could say the word it would get a lot less scary?
I can’t seem to master relaxation on any level either.
May you find some entertaining distractions to pass the weekend. Good Luck!
This will sound cheesey and annoying and you’ll want to smack me: think positive. As wonderful as the doppler thing is I know you’ll walk around with the thing attached to you. I have a feeling that will add to your stress. I hope this gets easier for you. Fingers still crossed, but my gut says this will work out just fine.
Hmm. Could you maybe poke your other eye really hard for a few hours? Then you’d be distracted with that eye problem. That should keep you going til Monday.
Um, okay, this is assvice but honestly–and I bet you know this–waxing and waning symptoms are ssoooo completely normal from day to day, heck, from minute to minute even. So please don’t be discouraged by this ’symptom’–yes, I know easy to say, harder to do. I’ve been there, done it myself–yep, doing it again now…and trying to remind myself not to.
And yes, the doppler was the best thing EVAH when I was expecting little J. I’m waiting another 2 or 3 weeks (when I’ll be 9 or 10w) myself to order another one (you know, supposing all continues with my current state of affairs). It was around 9 weeks with J that we were able to hear her hb. I’d be lying if I said listening every day didn’t go a long way in helping me relax and kick the DBTs. It was the most beautiful sound I’d ever heard until then (now her laughter is the most beautiful sound, but that hb is still a close second).
When you do get one, may I recommend getting one that allows you to record the hb…you won’t regret the extra $ for that moment(s) caught forever in time. A still has it on his pocket pc and we listened to it a little while back, amazed at the fact that she’s now a year old. She was but a hope when we recorded her.
Oh your poor eye! There’s nothing more painful… Feel better. And yes, get thee to a doppler!
um, that comment above was from me, btw. -mm
That took a lot of courage. It’s so hard to not feel like we’ll be cursed if we dare to admit we’re pregnant. Glad your eye is doing better.
Just wanted to let you know that my symptoms came and went too. There were some days where i had ZERO symptoms and would freak myself out. Then I would feel horrible again within a day or two. Hope this helps.
I am so incredibly happy and excited for you. I am holding my breath for Monday. Yes, please get the recordable version so we can all hear!
Dear Amanda, I hope you get to say that word a lot more often in the next seven months. And then that you get to say a lot more “goo-goo” type words after that.
Wishing you the best of news and the all-clear for the Doppler order tomorrow. Please please please!
Hope the symptoms are back soon to reassure you. Good luck on Monday.
Wishing you the best of luck all the way from England :)
Yup here on symptoms coming and going – glad to hear things went well though and I feel for you on having to say the word – that’s a hideous thing. I think I cried the first time I had to. What a loser, eh? he he.