Because There Is No Such Thing As Smooth Sailing August 30, 2006
Given all that we’ve been through on the IVF front, I had no expectations of a perfectly easy and uneventful pregnancy. Things have been going well, and I’m so thankful for that, but the easy road is not where I reside.
We got mixed news at today’s Level II. Let’s start with the good, because there was good news. The little guy was measuring great, a little ahead even. His little femurs and ulnas and all of that good stuff looked just fine. It was definitely good to see him again.
However, the high risk OB found an echogenic focus in the left ventricle of his heart. This is something that has no effect on how the heart is functioning, but it is a marker that increases our risk of Down’s Syndrome by about three times what it was. So instead of the 1:2094 we got after the ultrascreen, we’re now at about 1:700.
We discussed the option of an amnio, but the risk of complications is still higher than those new odds. The peri told us that the echogenic focus is found in 3-5% of normal pregnancies, so there’s still a good chance that everything’s ok. Of course that doesn’t stop me from worrying. I am the queen of worrying, ya know.
Also, we learned that I’ve got a low lying placenta. Instead of being up where it’s supposed to be, it’s about 1 cm from my cervix. There’s a good chance that it will move up in time, but it’s definitely something to keep an eye on. The peri told me to refrain from exercise and sex and basically take it easy. I go back and see him in six weeks.
He also checked my cervix which is an area of my concern because of all of the manipulations I’ve had with my transfers, and it looked long and closed. He did think it was a good idea to have it checked again in two weeks, though.
I saw my OB this afternoon, and we discussed all of the above. I go back and see her in two weeks as recommended by the peri.
Today was a long day. After my OB appointment Dan and I stopped by the grocery store, and I ended up in tears in the salad dressing aisle. I know that things could be much, much worse. Neither the peri nor my OB seemed overly worried about all of the things going on. It’s not happening to them, though. They didn’t go through hell to get to this place.
I have to hold onto the fact that even with the findings from today that chances are still good that everything is and will continue to be ok. Thoughts about how we always seem to end up on the crappy side of the odds still trickle in, though. I can’t help but worry.
I guess there’s not much to be done but wait and hope. I hope that little bugger in there is/will be ok. I can’t stand the thought of anything else.
Well, I Won’t Be Trying That Again August 29, 2006
I decided this weekend that my stomach could use a break from the Lovenox injections. Why not use my thigh like I have for other subq injections in the past? It seemed like a fine idea to me.
I woke up the next morning and gasped at the sight of what one lone Lovenox injection had done to my thigh. I think I’ll stick to my stomach from now on. At least it produces reasonable sized bruises.
That’s a Crapload of Furniture August 25, 2006
Today was our big shopping expedition day, and man did we do some damage. Good thing we have practice handing over large sums of money after going through all of our cycles.
We purchased things for several rooms:
-A table and chairs for the breakfast area
-A table and chairs for the dining room
-A desk for Dan’s office
-A sofa and matching chair along with a leather chair and ottoman for the living room
-A coffee table and end tables for the living room
I think that’s plenty for one day’s work. We had most of it picked out ahead of time, so it didn’t take too long to walk into the various stores and hand over our credit card.
Some of the stuff was in stock and some will have to be ordered. As nice as it would be to get it all right away, it will be fun to have new stuff arrive every week or so for the next month.
There’s not too much going on right now besides the house stuff. I am most definitely getting spoiled by the fact that Dan is taking time off from work. I love having him home. Unfortunately, we’ve got to pay for all of this house stuff somehow so he’ll have to head back to the firm a week from Tuesday. Don’t think I won’t be enjoying the heck out of our time together until then, though. I know what kind of hours he’ll be working once he starts back.
I Love Me Some Internets August 20, 2006
Yesterday we finally got our own internet connection up and running. Thank goodness. I was starting to go a little crazy. So was Dan. It’s still surreal to be living in this house, but each day it feels a little more like it’s actually ours.
One thing about moving from a tiny apartment, one whose furniture was purchased during college, law school, and the days of massive IVF spending, to a nice new house is that we’re going to need to do some serious furniture shopping. We went and scoped things out on Friday and found some things we liked.
We’re going to have to wait just a bit before we can start making major purchases, though. Making our down payment and paying closing costs pretty much put our bank accounts into shock, but thankfully Dan will be receiving a nice clerkship bonus when he starts back at the firm. Then it will be time to do some serious damage.
There’s not a ton to report on the pregnancy front. I hit 17 weeks today, and I’m still a big scaredy cat. I’m just so worried that my body is going to fail the little guy in there. My MTHFR stuff puts me at a higher risk of preeclampsia, and having my cervix manually dilated so many times in the past may put me at an increased risk of incompetent cervix. I can’t help but worry about that stuff.
I am so very grateful to have gotten so far, but I just cannot sit back and relax as some people have suggested I do. I can’t buy baby stuff. I can’t decide on a name. I just can’t assume that everything is going to work out. I can hope, though, and that’s what I’m doing every second.
We Made It August 16, 2006
Oh, I’m so glad we’re done with that. The movers came Monday morning, and after some apartment cleaning we hit the road and headed to Houston Monday afternoon. I think the hardest part of any move for me is disrupting my kitties, but they fared the trip well.
The movers dropped off our stuff yesterday afternoon, and we’ve been busy unpacking ever since. We have our cable and phone working now, but alas no internet. As you can see that hasn’t stopped me from getting online, though. Hopefully it will be working soon, so we can stop “borrowing” our neighbors wireless.
It’s definitely been strange moving from our tiny apartment to this house. It’s very nice, though. It’s been so funny watching the kitties explore every nook and cranny. I don’t think they know what to think about this place. Salvador is definitely enjoying the stairs. Running up and down them is just plain fun for him.
Dan has a few weeks off before heading back to the firm, so we definitely have some time to get settled in. I think we’re both looking forward to just hanging out together in the new house for a while.
One Last Night August 13, 2006
Tonight is our last night in the apartment. The movers are coming tomorrow morning, and we’ll be making the trip over to Houston in the afternoon/evening. I wish I could say that we’re 100% packed up and everything, but um, not so much. We’re making a ton of progress and will be by the end of the day, though.
I can’t believe we’re moving tomorrow. And I really can’t believe we’re moving into that house. It still hasn’t suck in that that’s our house.
I am excited, though. Dan and I have been living in apartments for over 10 years. It’s going to be strange to finally have a house, but I know it’s going to be a wonderful kind of strange.
In non-moving news, I got the results of my AFP test back. I really wasn’t patient enough to wait for someone to call me so I called my OB’s office Friday morning. It had been a week since I had the test done, so I figured that the results should be back. I left my message and waited.
Well, I got tired of waiting and was afraid that I wasn’t going to get a call back and thus would have to wait the weekend, so I called the lab where I had the test done. They gave me the results right away, and they were good. My risk of neural tube defects is 1:6682.
So, I guess the next time I post I’ll officially be a Texan again. Hopefully we’ll get our internet hooked up without problems, but who knows. I guess I can always “borrow” a neighbor’s wireless if need be. Gotta have our priorities, ya know.
Packing Up the Past August 10, 2006
It’s natural to try to purge your stuff as you go along in the packing process when preparing to move. It just makes sense. However, it’s been hard for me to even think about getting rid of some stuff.
I was packing up things in the bathroom today, and I came across my stash of leftover birth control pills from my various cycles. I know I won’t be needing them again. I mean, I sure as hell won’t ever need them for their intended purpose, and it’s not like I’m going to be cycling again anytime soon regardless of the outcome of the current situation. But, man oh man was it hard to throw those suckers out.
Yesterday while packing up other stuff, I packed up my meds paraphernalia without a second thought. I have a whole box full of it. Do I need 1.5″ needles right now? Um, no. They got packed regardless. I’ll also be carting many filled sharps containers across state lines. I guess I should see about doing something with those at some point.
The hardest so far has involved my pregnancy tests, these to be more precise. Yes, I’ve held onto the positive HPTs of the pregnancy that ended in miscarriage. I thought for a minute about throwing them out, but I burst into tears when I did so. I’m just not ready to say goodbye to that embryo/potential baby/whatever you want to call it.
There’s just way too much of my history tied up in syringes, meds, and pee sticks. It’s kind of crazy that they’re so much a part of me, but they are.
Oh, and I didn’t throw out my tampons, etc either. Hell, I still have a couple stashed in my purse. I know, I’m insane.
Jam Packed Weekend August 7, 2006
I barely know where to start with all of the happenings this past weekend. We got a lot accomplished.
We drove over to Houston early Friday morning in time for my OB appointment. That went well, and my OB didn’t even bat an eyelash when I asked for an ultrasound. She really took a lot of time showing us everything which I appreciated. I can use all the reassurance I can get. I hit the 15 week mark yesterday, and things look like they’re on track so far.
Then I headed over to a different office for my AFP appointment which was totally weird for me. I’m so used to having blood drawn out of my arm that it took me by surprise when the nurse just wanted a finger prick. Hopefully I’ll get those results back by the end of the week.
Friday afternoon we had our blinds installed, and our refrigerator and washer & dryer were installed Friday night. It’s nice to see the house coming along a bit.
Dan’s family was in town for a visit, so we got to spend a good amount of time with them which was nice. Sunday afternoon before heading back I went to the baby shower of a really good IVF friend who is now adopting domestically. I hadn’t been to a baby shower in years, but I was glad I could make hers.
To my complete and total surprise we actually had mail in our mailbox when we returned home to the apartment last night. I was so relieved not to have to march over to the post office today and straighten that out. In other mail news, we got our house mail keys this weekend, too. It was definitely a good weekend on the mail front.
The movers are coming a week from today, so now I’m just trying to get crap done. And boy is there a still a lot left to do.
Moving Sucks August 3, 2006
I know I should be really good at this by now given the fact that this will be our umpteenth move. (I think it’s #10, but I lost count along the way.) I don’t think practice really helps much in this situation, though. It’s still not fun.
Our apartment is getting really crowded with boxes and we’re not even done with half of the packing. I have no idea where to put the rest of them. I guess moving into a house four times larger than this tiny place doesn’t seem like such a bad idea now.
Then there’s all the fun to be had dealing with utilities, mail, etc. I called the cable company today to inquire about new service at our house and got so frustrated after learning it would be about $140 just for installation (they charge per outlet and we have a bunch of outlets) that I told them I would call back next week (when hopefully they’ll have some kind of deal running).
I think I’m just throwing my hands in the air with our current mail situation. When we got the keys to the house after closing we were told to take our settlement papers to the post office where they would give us our mail box key. We made our way to the P.O. only to learn that they did not have our key and did not know when they would have it. Our name got added to a sizeable list of other people waiting for their keys. We’ll try again when we’re in Houston this weekend, but I’m not holding my breath.
On top of that, Dan found a note in our apartment complex mailbox this evening that some dimwit in the office had placed in there letting the post office know that we had moved out. Um, hello. We’re not moving for another week and a half, you morons. They have our notice and our August rent, so I don’t know how they could be confused. So now I have no clue where our mail is going. It was too late to go to the P.O. today to straighten it all out, so I’ll have to wait until Monday since we’re leaving early tomorrow morning to head over to Houston.
I know it will be soooo nice when we’re all settled in the house, but right now I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed. It sure does help to bitch about it on my blog, though.
Warning: My Attempt at P-Word Talk August 1, 2006
I know some people would like me to post more pregnancy (there, I said it) details on my blog, and I’m sure some could do without. It’s just still weird for me to talk about. I think things are starting to sink in a bit more these days, but I’m still far from a “normal” pregnant gal.
I don’t really know how to sit down and just talk about it, so I’m going to answer Jamie’s questions.
1. Have you gained weight? A little, 3 pounds to be exact.
2. Have you felt the baby flutter yet? Nope, but I check things out with the doppler at least once a day to make sure things are still alive in there.
3. Who have you told? My immediate family and Dan’s immediate family have both known about all of this stuff all along. They’ve know about each and every one of our cycles along with the outcomes. They’ve been under strict instruction not to spill the beans until instructed, though. After I crossed over into the second trimester and got my nuchal translucency results back, I let them know that it was ok to tell people but only those who would be supportive if things didn’t continue to go well.
4. Have you told anyone who doesn’t know about your infertility? Well, my mom told my grandparents just a couple of days ago. (She would have told them long ago if it was up to her, I think.) They knew nothing about our infertility history. I asked my mom if she told them about the IVF stuff, and she said that she printed out the picture of our embryos along with all of my ultrasound pictures and showed them and tried to explain the whole thing. She thinks they got it. My grandma’s response was, “I wondered why they were waiting so long.” They are, of course, happy for us, too.
5. How are the reactions different between those who know and those who don’t? I don’t have a ton of experience with this yet, but I’m sure they will be different. The people who know about our IVF stuff really know about it. Our immediate families know everything we’ve been through, and although they’ll never know what it’s like to go through it, they get how it makes things different for us. I’m sure people who don’t know about our background won’t get that. I have zero problems talking about the IVF stuff, though, so I’m sure a lot of people who didn’t know about it will after they find out about the current situation.
Wow, I think that’s the most I’ve posted about the specifics in one post. It’s just still weird for me to talk about. I have managed to utter the p-word a couple of times, but the m-word, as in the section of the clothing store that intimidates me beyond belief, and the b-word, as in that thing that I can only hope to have in my arms at the end of this, have yet to cross my lips. I just can’t get them out.
I have to say, though, that even though I’m still extremely scared, I am very happy. I woke up this morning, rolled over towards Dan, and told him that I was so glad that we kept going. I know it was hard, and I know that there’s still a chance that this won’t work out, but right now I’m just so damn glad that we kept at it.