Packing Up the Past August 10, 2006
It’s natural to try to purge your stuff as you go along in the packing process when preparing to move. It just makes sense. However, it’s been hard for me to even think about getting rid of some stuff.
I was packing up things in the bathroom today, and I came across my stash of leftover birth control pills from my various cycles. I know I won’t be needing them again. I mean, I sure as hell won’t ever need them for their intended purpose, and it’s not like I’m going to be cycling again anytime soon regardless of the outcome of the current situation. But, man oh man was it hard to throw those suckers out.
Yesterday while packing up other stuff, I packed up my meds paraphernalia without a second thought. I have a whole box full of it. Do I need 1.5″ needles right now? Um, no. They got packed regardless. I’ll also be carting many filled sharps containers across state lines. I guess I should see about doing something with those at some point.
The hardest so far has involved my pregnancy tests, these to be more precise. Yes, I’ve held onto the positive HPTs of the pregnancy that ended in miscarriage. I thought for a minute about throwing them out, but I burst into tears when I did so. I’m just not ready to say goodbye to that embryo/potential baby/whatever you want to call it.
There’s just way too much of my history tied up in syringes, meds, and pee sticks. It’s kind of crazy that they’re so much a part of me, but they are.
Oh, and I didn’t throw out my tampons, etc either. Hell, I still have a couple stashed in my purse. I know, I’m insane.
- Posted in : Post cycle #7: Trying to stay knocked up
- Author : amanda
Comments»
This is so ironic that you wrote this post today. Yesterday I found the prenatal vitamins my old OB prescribed when I had my 2004 m/c. After all that has happened, the sadness I felt seeing those was palpable. I couldn’t throw them away either. I’ll never use them, they’re expired, but it’s one of the only tangible things I have left from that much-wanted pregnancy.
I ended up throwing out my old pregnancy tests from my miscarriage when I moved. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I took those tests and could barely look at them and threw them in the trash. I cried the whole time and when I think about it now I get very sad. I completely understand why it is so hard.
I’m now in my 20th week of pregnancy and I still carry atleast two pads in my purse at all times. Of course at the start of this pregnancy I couldn’t stop bleeding so they actually were used, but after the bleeding stopped I replaced them and I can’t bring myself to take them out of my purse. I have two unopened packages under my sink, now that cracks me up. But it isn’t like we won’t be using them again.
You aren’t insane! (smile)
I think old habits die hard to a certain degree- almost once an IVF’er always an IVF’er. I have never discarded all my old meds, syringes, swabs, they are a part of me regardless…..
As everyone knows, I still have my sharps sitting under the bathroom sink, and my pregesterone is still in the fridge. It’s not even good anymore, and for sure, I won’t be able to use it if we’re ever able to cycle again. But I just can’t throw it out. I need it. I’m hooked.
If I had a positive HPT, regardless of the outcome, I’d probably be wearing it around my neck forever.
Your new house is big enough to find a home for two pregnancy tests. I think it is worth it to take them with you. While nothing can cure the pain of a miscarriage and you will always wonder “what if” maybe when you finally have a living child you will be able to throw away the pregnancy tests.
The tampons are just so you do not jinx yourself. I can totally understand that one. Better to be prepared.
Hang in there! I hope your move goes well. :)
Good luck with the packing… a few small items isn’t going to make that much of a difference.
Take care
I moved soon after an IVF cycle, took all my stuff with me, and I was pregnant. You are not alone! I have since thrown some of it, but not all of it, away.
I’ve saved all my pregancy tests regardless of the outcome. For the pregnancies that didn’t last I wrote the date on the back of them with a sharpee and put them in a box along with copies of my lab slips showing dropping HCG, it is my own personal memorial to what could have been. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to let them go and if it makes you feel better or more sane to keep them around, then do!
We are moving as well soon to Australia and I am finding it very hard to decide what to keep and what to give away.
I imagine it is incredibly hard to get rid of the IVF stuff as it has knid of controlled your world. It is hard to let go of stuff. I was so paranoid about everything when I was p.egnant. It is heaps better now and IF I ever get to do this pregnancy lark again, I think I will be more relaxed,
my daughter is eight months old. I still have all my leftover syringes and meds from my IVF cycles. For whatever reason, I cannot bear to throw them out.
And I still have my one and only EVER positive HPT from when I got pregnant with Amanda – I have not thrown it out – I considered putting it in her baby book but I am not sure if that is gross or not! But to me, it is as much a souvenir as my ultrasound pics or photos of me pregnant – it is a reminder of the first time I felt happy through the whole long excruciating quest to become pregnant.
So, I GET IT!
I say keep them. Keep everything. Why throw them away now. Take them with you and keep everything until you feel ready to throw it away. Good that they are small and don’t thake too much space.
I am so excited for you to move soon. I am getting really inspired by you and we are looking for houses now too.
Good luck with the move and you know, all the rest.
N
You definately aren’t insane! We are busy cleaning out our extra room which, hopefully, will have another use soon and I found a lot of the same stuff that you did. And you know what, I couldn’t get rid of it either. I am pretty good about purging, but you are right, there is too much emotion tied up in every single one of those pee sticks and needle packs!
amanda, it is soooooo ok to keep those things. when we moved last august, i came across a little “shrine” of things i had saved from my 3 miscarriages. silly things like ribbons from “congrats” flowers and a pin my best friend had given me to wear( special addition coming!) these things gave me great comfort at the time!! i decided that i was ok with letting go of it. ( it has been 12 years ago, and i now have my 2 boys.) i replaced it with an angel charm for my bracelet. even thought i will never forget the “babies” lost, i often think about how empty my life would be it i didn’t have my justin. (my 10 year old) wow…i can’t even imagine!!!! :)
I get it. I have a sharps container just sitting in the center of my dresser and I look at it daily. My husband asks if I am going to get rid of it, but I don’t think I ever will.
I say keep it all – its part of who you are. Good luck with the move.
it’s definitely hard to throw away things that carry so much meaning. I understand!
Totally understand you not wanting to throw out the hpts, it had took me years to purge mine. Kind of got to depressing seeing 6 positive sticks with no baby to show for it. Do what you have to do Amanda. Happy moving!
I agree with the other commenters, plus I’ll add my own bit too, tampons don’t have a use by date, in around 12 months or so you’ll need them again and then what? you’ll be hunting thru your purse looking for one or rummaging thru bathroom draws and if you toss them now just think how pissy the you then is going to be. keep everything there’s plenty of time to toss stuff out later on down the track.
AFCIAT you’ve covered all the bases with this answer!