Halfway September 11, 2006
Yesterday marked 20 weeks. I can’t believe it. I wish I could say that I spent the day celebrating the milestone, but the truth is that I spent most of the day freaking out.
I started having weird pains yesterday afternoon and then I came very close to passing out last night. That combined with the fact that my worries about my cervix and losing the little guy in general left me in sobs by bedtime. I just totally lost it.
I was supposed to go to the OB on Wednesday for a cervix check, but I ended up going in today instead. I knew there was no way I was going to make it another two days.
Things went well at my appointment. My OB did a vaginal ultrasound to measure my cervix, and it looked closed and measured in at 3.3 cm. It measured 3.9 cm at my level II ultrasound 12 days ago, but that was done abdominally. My OB was happy with it, and I guess I should be, too. I still can’t but help but worry some, though. It’s what I do.
They also ran a CBC to check for anemia because of my adventures in light headedness last night.
I wish my anxiety levels were decreasing instead of increasing, but it seems the further along I get, the more there is to lose. I’m sure my OB’s office thinks I’m a paranoid freak, but that’s just fine. I think it would be typical for me to go back for my next appointment in four weeks, but I’m going back in two at my request. I’d just assume go in a couple times a week, but I guess that might not go over well.
So, I guess the halfway mark just brought more worries with it, but that’s my fault to be sure. I am so grateful to have gotten this far. I really am. I just hope I can make it at least a couple more months.
- Posted in : Post cycle #7: Trying to stay knocked up
- Author : amanda
Comments»
Your anxiety is completely understandable. I remember the highest level of anxiety for me (after passing the point I m/c’d the previous time, of course) was between 20-24 weeks. The closer I got to viability, the more I was able to relax. I hope the same holds true for you too. I’m glad to hear the cervix is looking good!
Woohoo 20 weeks =) My anxiety actually peaked pretty bad around that time too. I calmed down a lot once I could feel Lizzy bop me on a regular basis. Hopefully that will help you too. I also get lightheaded A LOT sometimes even when I’m sitting. Congratulations on hitting the halfway point.
I am so sorry that you are so worried. I wish things could be different and you could just enjoy. Take care and good luck!
Congratulations on reaching 20 weeks. Time sure is flying! I wouldn’t worry if the OB thinks you are totally crazy. If you feel you need to go then I would definitely go. This is one of those things you just have to listen to your gut about and if you end up with a baby in the end who cares who thinks you are crazy!!
congrats, congrats, congrats!!
amanda, i’m really sorry you are freaking out. it really will subside some once you start to feel a bit safe with your little guy. you will start to recognize his movement any day now and that will help you relax too i think. i spotted at 20 wks. and thought that i was going to have to be commited. (after 3 m/c) it turns out there wasn’t a thing wrong with my “little guy”, but it took a while to calm down.
you are doing just great!!!!! given all you have been through, you are allowed to freak out a bit :)
hugs,
jennie s.
I can definitely relate to your increased anxiety. It’s akin to my increased fear of flying after I got married - in my single days, death by plane crash would’ve been a doozy on my family for sure…but after I got married, I had this new fear because I was so happy with my husband and had “more to lose”. Hang in there. Do you have any hobbies that you currently enjoy or have enjoyed in the past? Maybe you could think of some relaxing activities to help you whittle the time away. I’ve been playing piano again ever since I became PG - it fills in the voids of time when I’m tempted to do research on pregnancy even though I’ve read it all :-)
Ah, I see, it was pain. I’m sorry. I’m w/ Lisa - my worst anxiety was around your mark and I couldn’t relax (ha!) until 27 weeks. I don’t think I stopped worrying then, but it was less anxious.
What your feeling is normal but it does suck that you are not able to enjoy this pregnancy properly. Here’s hoping you start to feel movement soon and that helps you worry less.
I saw your script yesterday that said 20weeks and have been holding my breath ever since waiting for an update, I’m talking out of my butt here I know, I’m not where you are but from what I’ve read/seen the worry wont go away but you CAN do this and we’re all here pulling along with you. xox
I have the same worry. I keep hoping it will get better and it hasn’t so far. I’m 25 weeks now, and it is exactly as you said it. I know what there is to lose. You aren’t alone.
Congratualtions on 20 weeks, Amanda. Remember, in just a few weeks time, that little one would actually probably be able to survive on the outside.
I hope you feel better soon.
first, congrats on reaching 20 weeks - it is indeed a big milestone. secondly, I kept waiting for the part where I would stop worrying throughout my whole pregnancy and, unfortunately, I am here to tell you it never stops, and yes at least for me it did get worse as I got further along. I was PANICKED at 40 weeks, and felt like I was running to the hospital every day - because I was absolutely SICK with worry and all the pregnancy feelings were so new and strange and how would I know if THAT pain I just felt is normal or a major problem? I hoped that when I finally had the baby the worry would stop. And you know what? It doesn’t. The worrying increased tenfold when the baby was born and even today I am full of worry about every single thing.
I personally think the huge amounts of worry come from being scarred by the process - after all, look at what some of us went through just to get pregnant, and you sure have gone through a ton - and the other part of the worry is simply what parents do. Having a child, even before they are born, means a lifetime of worry for the parents.
I guess what I am trying to say is don’t be hard on yourself. You are completely normal to worry, even if you think you are worrying obsessively. And the doctors have seen it all before, so don’t ever feel bad or funny about wanting them to see you and treat you as often as it makes YOU comfortable. They don’t think you are a freak - I promise!
Sorry for the long post - don’t know if it made you feel better, but that WAS my intent, was to reassure you that you are being totally normal.
Amanda,
I’m so sorry for the scare. How awful, praying that cervix holds up. Totally understand the anxiety to a certain extent. Congratulations on the 20 weeks also. He’re too another safe 18 or 20!
It gets better. I had both my RE and OBGYN tell me to get mental health help because I was so anxious. But once I hit “viability” I really started to relax bit by bit. I hope the same for you!
First HUGE congrats for making it this far! But I think your fear is completely understandable. I am hoping with everything in me that this pg continues on very well. Thinking of you.
The two really likely causes of the lightheadedness are anemia and changes in fluid pressure. In both my pregnancies I had great iron levels, but was lightheaded almost constantly. It was a 2-minute procedure to get up from the couch so I didn’t pass out. Normal. Just a result of the increase in fluids in my body. I’m hoping it’s the same thing for you if it turns out that your iron’s fine. It’s really beyond annoying, but not necessarily a cause for worry about your body.
I wish I could give you a big old hug from across the pond.
If it helps, my grandaughter had a miscarriage last year and on the 30th of August I became the proud first time great grandma. I so hope you begin to feel more hopefull as time goes by, sweetie.