The “Right” Way To Be Pregnant October 9, 2006
I hit the 24 week mark yesterday. I love milestones. Now if I can just make it to 28.
I’m having a hard time wrapping my brain around certain things right now and an even harder time of articulating them. I just wrote two versions of the same post and then deleted them.
I guess it comes down to my feelings about experiencing this pregnancy. I’m feeling some pressure from people in the “real world” to experience things in a more “normal” way. I know what I’m comfortable with and what I’m not. I need to feel confident that it’s ok for me to do things my way.
My “normal” is not most people’s “normal” and that’s just the way it is. I’m ok with that. I know that I’m experiencing things differently than if I hadn’t been down the multiple IVF cycle/miscarriage road, but I see the bright side of that.
Instead of focusing on the fact that I’m much more cautious and worried than I probably otherwise would have been, I realize that I appreciate this experience more, too. I treasure every kick, every milestone, every everything. I take nothing for granted. So what if I’m not one of those people who can go out and buy baby furniture at 12 weeks. I’m enjoying this in my own way.
I’m feeling the need for privacy these days, too. (Not from the internets, of course. I tell you guys all kinds of stuff.) But when you’re open about IVF with people, you basically have to be open about betas, ultrasounds, and the like as well. I guess people translate that into being open about all things pregnancy related. I’ve decided that I need for some of this to be just for Dan and myself.
So, even though I’ve been asked more times than I care to count if we’ve named the little guy yet, I’ve decided that that info will be just for the two of us for the duration. I’ve also decided that I will not be pressured into having a shower if I don’t feel comfortable having one. I reserve the right to change my mind, but right now I’m having some definite feelings on the issue. I also won’t be taking or sharing pictures if I don’t feel up to it. I will do things the way I feel comfortable doing them. Is that selfish? Yep. But I need to do this my way.
This may be the only time I get to experience this pregnancy stuff. I may not be doing it the “right” way or the “normal” way, but I’m ok with that. I’m loving every second I get to spend with the little guy in there, and to me, that’s the most important thing. I just don’t think I could regret not doing the typical pregnancy type things at the typical times when I’ve got that.
- Posted in : Post cycle #7: Trying to stay knocked up
- Author : amanda
Comments»
Congrats on 24 weeks - wahoo! I don’t think it’s selfish at all - it’s your life mamacita! And, I don’t think we’re the only two people that have ever not wanted showers. you’re right on - don’t let anyone pressure you, you’ll do what’s right for the three (3!) of you. I took pictures ONLY because I was afraid that I would regret it if I didn’t since it might be the only time I was pregnant - then I didn’t care about sharing them (was more about sharing w/ the irish family, but…).
You’ve got to do what feels right to you. Screw everyone else. I didn’t have a shower (something my mother has never understood), and the only picture of me pregnant was taken the night before we went to the hospital to have The Boy. No regrets.
You have more than earned the right to do things “your way” during YOUR pregnancy! More power to you for standing up for yourself and doing things how you feel the most comfortable. Anyone who doesn’t understand — well, they just haven’t been there and we all know we wouldn’t wish any of these things on anyone.
As far as the shower is concerned I have always had issues with showers. They made me highly uncomfortable even before infertility. One option you might consider is an “Around the Clock Shower” for after the baby is born. When the baby is a month old (or more) someone sets up a shower were people pick times “Around the Clock” to come see you. By that point you will probably have a routine so you may want to skip times when the baby will be sleeping. This allows everyone to see the baby and have some time with you to talk. You could also do a traditional shower after the baby is born.
You need to do it your way, absolutely. We got a lot of pressure on the name thing too, and it pissed me off. It’s nobody’s business, I don’t care who they are.
I’m glad you are enjoying things in your own way. Good for you.
You do it however you want to. Whatever you feel comfy with. Though, I’m sure there are people in your life that want to celebrate for you, after all you’ve been through. They’ll just have to do with what you are comfortable doing. Congrats on the 24 week milestone. That’s wonderful!
Great post Amanda, I agree with everyone; this is YOUR pregnancy and you need to experience and enjoy it YOUR way- not how others may expect you to….
Because everyone knew what we were doing every step of the way with the IVF, the only surprise/secret was her name and my husband got the great pleasure of announcing it when she was born. (You also don’t have to hear people’s commentary on your choices that way either-once the baby is here whatever the name is fits perfectly!).
Normal is only what you know. So I’d say if you are following what you know in your gut about what you want, that’s normal. We can only be where we are. Stay Strong!
Well…I am a lurker…I guess delurking. And I was so inspired by what you just wrote. I might be wrong but there was such a sense of peace in deciding that you were going to do it your way. You put it so eloquently and beautifully!! Good for you, for knowing what you want and enjoying it the way you want it and not the way you think people want you to enjoy it!! That is so awesome!! Congrats on 24 weeks!!
Right on. Your way is the right way. No ifs ands or buts about it! THat is your decision to make Amanda, and I’m glad to hear that you are treasuring those moments in your pregnancy.
Pfffffft. You’re doing it the “right” way and the “normal” way for YOU. And selfish-shmelfish. I don’t think it’s all selfish to manage your pregnancy in a way that is comfortable and safe for you. And if that means not having a shower, and not sharing pictures, then so be it. You do what you have to do to feel good about this, and to enjoy having “the little guy in there.”
And erm, you do know I mean not having a gift-y shower, right? Cause, y’know, not having a regular shower is kinda… gross. ;)
Happy 24 weeks!
WOW!! 24 WEEKS!!! “baby, you’ve come a long way!”
i’m glad you are doing things your way. like i said before, this is YOUR pregnancy, and your little guy!!