Choppy Seas November 29, 2006
I don’t always expect things to be smooth sailing. I truly don’t. I’ve learned that’s impossible. However, it is hard when things seem to pile on at once.
I haven’t blogged about Thanksgiving yet, because Muffy deserved her own post. That was enough tough stuff to put out there at once. Thanksgiving sucked, though. Boy, did it suck.
My mother in law came into town early which turned out not to be a great thing. I don’t think I’ve ever felt like my toes were stepped on more. I spent a ton of time and energy planning everything out in advance, and it was beyond frustrating to feel like someone else was taking over my gig.
Things came to a head right as we were all getting ready to sit down for dinner Thursday night when my MIL turned to me and in a not so pleasant tone said, “Amanda, just relax.” Oh, you know I can’t get enough of that phrase. She kept going, and I lost it and headed toward the bedroom in tears. Dan tried to explain things to his mom, but she laid into him, too. He joined me in the bedroom, and we hung out in there with the kitties while everyone else ate dinner. Lovely, huh?
Things just went downhill later in the evening when we were attempting to “discuss” things with his mom. It was pointless. Hell, she even accused me of hating Dan’s brother. I have no freaking clue where she got that one since there’s not a hint of truth there.
One thing I’ll never forget is that when I mentioned that watching my cat grow closer and closer to death by the day was putting me under a tremendous amount of stress without having to deal with the other drama, she stood up and yelled at me, “This is not about the cat.” Three days later Muffy was gone. If you can’t understand how having my beloved furball go downhill affects me then you’ll never be able to understand me period.
It was all just a mess, and I’m glad it’s over now. I don’t think I’ll be hosting another holiday like that again anytime soon. Or ever for that matter.
The stress of the past couple of weeks is taking its toll. I had an OB appointment today, and I’ve only gained 1.5 pounds since my last visit 4 weeks ago. I had actually gained more but ended up actually losing weight over Thanksgiving. My fundal height measurement is now behind by a week and a half as a result. I know it’s the stress. I’ve cried more tears in the last week than I have in a really, really long time.
I go back to the OB in 2 weeks. Hopefully things will pick up, both on an emotional level and from a weight perspective, by then. I know I have to live the grief that comes as a result of Muffy’s death. Oh, how I miss her so very much. However, I’m choosing not to focus on my MIL’s drama. I’m venting about it to get it out of my system, but there are so many more important things in my life to focus on right now: honoring Muffy’s memory, making sure Salvador is loved and snuggled, taking care of the little guy, and getting through it all with Dan. How can the drama be more important than all of that? It just can’t.
Goodbye Sweet Muffy November 26, 2006
I really wish I didn’t have to write this post, but our dear kitty, Muffy, is no longer with us. The end stage renal failure symptoms kept progressing this week, and she kept getting sicker and sicker. The last thing either Dan or I wanted was for her to suffer, so we took her to the vet today to have her put to sleep.
I know without a doubt that we did what was best for her. She lived a very happy 15 years, and she deserved not to suffer at the end. My heart is just in pieces, though. Oh, it’s such a hard thing to do.
I have no clue what I believe in regards to the whole afterlife thing, but it gives me comfort to think of Muffy and Dixie together again. This is one of my favorite pictures of the two of them. They were the very best of friends.
I really can’t believe that Muffy’s gone now, too. We knew this day was coming, but I still can’t believe it. I just can’t believe Salvador is an only cat now. Just over a year ago we were a three cat family. It’s just so hard to lose both of my sweet girl kitties. They were such a huge part of my life, and they’ll always have such a huge piece of my heart.
I miss you sweet Muffy. I love you, my princess kitty.
The Big 3-0 November 20, 2006
I hit the 30 week mark yesterday. That’s just unreal to me. I mean, we have at most 9 weeks left. I can’t wrap my brain around that at all.
There are other things going on right now that are keeping me from really digesting the whole 30 week milestone. The big one is that Muffy isn’t doing well at all. We’re watching her display the same exact symptoms that Dixie did towards the end of her battle with renal failure. It’s impossible to predict how much time she has left with us, but I don’t think it’s a whole lot. I’m trying to stay strong and make sure she’s well taken care of and loved, but it’s impossible for me not to feel like an emotional mess over the whole situation.
We’re also hosting Thanksgiving for the first time this year. Both Dan’s family and mine will be in attendance, so that makes for a total of 14 people including the two of us. Everyone except one of Dan’s brothers who lives in town will be staying over at least one night. We’ll have 13 people sleeping here Thursday night. It’s going to be a full house. I guess those 4.5 bathrooms will finally come in handy.
While I’m glad everyone will be able to get together for the holiday, the timing isn’t too great given the whole Muffy situation. It’s not like these things can be planned, though. I just hope it all works out.
Good News All Around November 16, 2006
I got the result of my three hour glucose tolerance test back this morning. I passed. All four of my levels, fasting and then each of the three hours, were below the cutoffs. That is definitely a relief.
I also had another appointment with the perinatologist today. I love the detailed ultrasounds I get at those appointments. All looked good.
The little guy’s growth is on track, and he’s estimated to weigh 3 lbs, 4 oz. My amniotic fluid level is good, as is my cervical length. The echogenic focus on his heart is almost completely resolved now. And drum roll please… I no longer have a low lying placenta. I’m glad to know that the darn thing finally got the right directions.
When my appointment was wrapping up my peri said something that threw me for a loop. He said that at my next appointment we would start talking about delivery. What? Delivery? I guess I never thought I’d make it to the point to be discussing actually delivering a baby. Crazy.
Poor Kitty November 12, 2006
I haven’t had much to really say the past few days. Our sweet Muffy is not doing as well as she has been, and it just makes me sad. She’s been refusing her subq fluid treatments lately, and it’s hard. I wish I could explain to her that the treatments are what help her feel better, but all she can understand is that Dan and I stick her with a needle and let fluids run in her.
We did manage to get about two-thirds of her dose in the other night which is definitely a step up from where we had been. She’s just really caught on to the whole process lately and doesn’t hesitate in letting us know that she’s not a fan. I don’t want to torture her. I just want what’s rest of her time with us to be good time. We’re doing our best to make that happen.
I don’t think this would be quite as hard if we hadn’t just watched Dixie go through the whole renal failure thing a year ago. I know what’s down the road for Muffy, and it’s hard to watch her get closer and closer to that.
She’s still hanging in there, though, and despite everything is still a very happy and sweet kitty. I just wish things were easier.
A Much Anticipated Milestone November 7, 2006
If I can just make it to 28 weeks.
I can’t tell you how many times that thought has crossed my mind. Well, here I am. I hit the 28 week mark on Sunday.
I wish I could say that making it to this point would allow me to really relax, but there’s no way that’s going to happen. I do think that I’ve been able to exhale at least a little bit, however. I am now planning not only for what would happen if things went to hell but also planning for the opposite, more positive, possibility.
Case in point, I went and ordered furniture today. Yes, that kind of furniture. Even though Dan and I had already decided what we wanted to get, I was pretty darn nervous walking into the store to actually place an order for it. The whole experience was surreal, very out-of-body like.
In other news, I just got my glucose tolerance test results back. I flunked. Now I have the 3 hour version to look forward to on Monday. That should be a fun way to spend a morning.
Umm, Fruit Punch November 2, 2006
I had another OB appointment today complete with glucose tolerance test. I got handed the fruit punch variety, and it wasn’t nearly as bad as I had planned for. I should get the results back on Monday.
Other than chugging a sugar loaded fruity drink not too much went on at today’s appointment. My weight and fundal height measurement are measuring on track, so that’s good.
I’m sure the people in the waiting room today thought I was weird. I brought in a bag full of six sharps containers. (And I knocked the darn thing over at one point dumping multiple sharps containers out onto the floor.) Now, people wouldn’t blink an eye at that at the RE’s office, but I guess it’s not the norm to be toting a bunch of used syringes into the OB’s office. Oh, well. I never claimed to be normal.