A Broken Heart and an Empty Lap December 8, 2006
I miss her so much. I know it will get better with time, but oh how I wish so much that she was still here.
The box of her fluids that was delivered two days after she died is still sitting unopened by the front door. I don’t know what to do with it.
All of her “babies” are still right where she left them. They look like stuffed cat toys to the rest of the world, but to her they were her babies. She used to carry them from room to room throughout the day, into the living room when she was out here and back to the bedroom for night time. At the end she was too sick to care for them, but I know how special they were to her. Yesterday I bought a special box in which to store them, but I can’t bring myself to put them up yet.
I just feel so lonely without her. She always kept me company during the day while Dan was at work. I never had to worry about having an empty lap. My lap just feels so empty now.
She was my lap kitty from the very start. My mom picked her out from the animal shelter 15 years ago intending for Muffy to be her cat. That didn’t last long at all. Muffy and I immediately hit it off and that was that. My parents have a picture taken right after we got her of her sitting on my lap. She was so teeny tiny then. I know I’ll always treasure that picture.
I take comfort in the fact that she lived a good life, but it’s still so hard to grieve the fact that she’s gone. I know it’s a process, a slow one at that. And I know that some days are bound to be harder than others. I’m holding onto the fact that it will get easier over time, but it’s just impossible for my heart not to ache right now when it’s still in pieces.
- Posted in : my furry children
- Author : amanda
Comments»
Oh Amanda, my heart aches for you. The pain will slowly subside, but Muffy will always inhabit a large part of your heart. x
I am so so sorry and sad for you. I know how it hurts and there is such an emptiness. Take the time to grieve and celebrate her life.
I’m so sorry for you. Big hug!
Amanda, I understand how you feel. On Tuesday, my beloved Siamese/Tabby was killed. His name was Declan Finn and he had the bluest eyes, and he loved nothing more but to stretch out beside me. I miss him.
I’m so sorry Amanda.
My eyes completely tear up even thinking about ever possibly losing Kobi. I know it’s inevitable but it’s something I will never, ever be able to handle well and that will break my heart. He follows me throughout the house all day, lies down next to me wherever I happen to be, sits on my vanity stool with me when I fix my hair and put makeup on in the mornings, sleeps right next to me at night, makes me laugh with the funny things he does even on my worst days…
Of course, I love my other cat, Sasha, too but just have a really special connection with Kobi.
It sounds like Muffy was your companion like Kobi is mine and I know the sense of loss and emptiness has got to be so hard to deal with…especially after 15 years of her company. They really do become as close to us as children …. for many of us they are our children.
I hope the pain will start feeling less strong with time but that your happy memories of moments with her will always remain vivid in your mind and bring you a smile from time to time throughout your life.
I am very, very sorry. I know how real that pain is and it is just so hard. You are in my thoughts.
i’m so sorry amanda. this is one of those pains that take time to heal. i lost my pekingnese last year and nearly lost my mind. i always thought that losing a pet as an adult would be different that experiencing it as a child. wrong! my poor hubby would put me in a bath with a huge glass of wine til i stopped crying. (unfortunately, that advice won’t help you right now.) cry when you need to and get it out. remember that your arms & lap will be occupied in the very near future. (about 6 weeks, right?)
and by the way…you can’t title your blog like that….i almost threw up!!!! big hugs~
I’m so very sorry, it takes time to get through the grief.
Oh Amanda, I have 2 cats, one of which I got as a kitten when he was only 6 weeks old (who is now 12!) and the other I adopted from a shelter, she had lived there 1.5 years, who is now 7. I can’t imagine how crushed I will be when they leave. I understand your grief, they are like your children, maybe even more so because they stay dependant as they grow. Take care
Im sorry for the pain with cat gone.
Hope the next few weeks fly bye so that the little man can fill your lap! Congrats on hitting 33wks! only a few more to go!
I’m so sorry, honey. They break our hearts, don’t they. :(
I’m so sorry for your loss, Amanda.
I’m a long time reader. I remember offering up the clinic I used for hyperthyroid when Dixie was ailing. The clinic is in NC and I’m in VA. And now they are both gone. I’m so sorry.
I just lost a six year old cat to lung cancer, of all things. It just tears your heart out. My six year old was my lap kitty and there is nothing like it.
To me, it’s an easier decision to end their suffering. It’s the only decent thing to do and I thank God we have the ability to do it. It’s so much harder to live without them when they are gone and all you have are the memories. I loved the pictures of your sweet Muffy and Dixie.
My heart aches for you and for all of us who have lost their beloved pets. It’s so hard.
I SO understand your loss and I’m so sorry you lost your sweet fur baby. I truly understand. I lost my beloved fur baby only 4 short months ago and it still sometimes seems like yesterday. I loved her so much and she was such a good girl and so terribly young. Barely 6 years old. Cancer got her. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of her. I miss her so much. Hang in there. It will get easier for both of us as time goes by.