The Power of a Song January 22, 2007
Last night during one of our overnight feeding and changing sessions, Dan turned on some music. He has a ton of music on the computer, and he had it set to play in shuffle mode. The first song that came up was a Sarah McLaughlin song off of an album that I also have on my iPod.
That particular song and that particular album have a special meaning for me. It is one of my go-to albums when I need a calming influence. I listened to it during the prep for the retrieval that produced the egg that created Adam. I listened to it during my transfer for that last FET that included the embryo that ended up being Adam. I listened to it while waiting for many of my appointments while pregnant with Adam. And we even listened to it on the way to the hospital to deliver Adam.
As I sat there, breastfeeding our little man while listening to the music that has come to symbolize the soundtrack of the creation of him, everything came full circle for me. I have to admit that everything isn’t easy right now. I never expected it to be. However, in that moment, the sleep deprivation, breastfeeding difficulties, and hormone crashes seemed insignificant. I don’t think I’ll ever forget how special that moment truly was.
- Posted in : our main man
- Author : amanda
Comments»
That was beautiful! i found the first few weeks very difficult…so know you’re not alone.
I can guess which song you are talking about… makes me smile to think of where you were, and where you are now!
All the best to you, Dan and Adam during this special time…
What a special moment. I had a similar experience when I heard “God Only Knows What I’d Be Without You” as I was walking my colicky son around the apartment. The song had been in “Love Actually”–a movie I’d gone to see to escape my fertility woes–and then had been in heavy rotation on my iPod for treks to and from various doctors. Hearing it while I was holding my child–My Child–was unbelievable.
Hang in there. I know it doesn’t seem possible, but it will get easier.
I remember a similar experience when my first-born was a few weeks old, and I was so very tired from the hours and hours of breastfeeding. In this semi-crazed, delusional space I figured out what my son was teaching me, patience. I was supposed to do things on his schedule, not mine. It got a bit easier after that. This too shall pass.
I hope you can ride that feeling for a long, long time. It’ll be something you cherish for a while.
I had a very similar experience with Sarah McL’s version of “The Rainbow Connection,” which I played throughout a lot of my treatment and all of my pregnancy. It brought tears to my eyes on many occasions, and now that he is here it is even more special to me.
I know this part is tough, it was for me anyway, but I am so glad for you. It all gets easier.
That is so beautiful. Enjoy.
I’m so happy for you!
Thanks for sharing that beautiful moment. Hugs sweetheart. As sleep deprived as you are and as many troubles as you may go through over the next few weeks it will get easier. Hugs!!
Big kiss.
Get ready for a lifetime of those moments. They hit you like a train and it’s great that you are able to savor them when they happen.
Things get easier (have you heard that enough yet?). I’m so happy for you all.
Wondering how you were doing. That is such a special moment. I had a friend that listened to a song driving everyday to work while pregnant and it was the only thing that put her baby to sleep. I know they can hear. So sorry that this time isn’t a breeze but I know how you feel - been there ( and to think I will do it again), done that. My DD’s reflux wasn’t dx until 3 months so it was 24/7 nonstop cry and scream - that’s kinda all a fuzzy moment now. It gets better. Take care.
Beautiful post.
I’m glad you are coping, it sounds like things are tough. I’m so very glad you got to be where you are now, with that music playing.
I figure if enough people say it, you might start to believe it: it really does get easier. In the meantime, what a beautiful way to keep things in perspective.
Your post brought tears to my eyes.
It will get easier as everyone keeps telling you. And later on down the line, something that I did for my twin son and daughter, is make a cd of the special songs and write down their meanings. One of their sleep cds starts off with the wedding song of their dad and I, Can’t You Feel the Love Tonight, continues with the music I listened to while on bedrest, culminating to the James Taylor that was played while I had my c-section. They were born to Fire and Rain. Then, God Only Knows was played when they were first taken to the NICU.
I wrote them both a letter, explaining the significance of each song. They will probably think I am goofy when they are teenagers, but I am glad I did it.
I love the title of your post. The power of a song cannot be underestimated.
PS - I am a huge Sarah McLachlan fan and I don’t know which song or album. All her stuff relaxes and settles me.
PPS - off-topic - if you like Sarah, try Loreena McKennit.
How sweet! I felt the same way when the tots came home from Guatemala - I was up about 6 times a night with the two of them, but I’d hum “Our House” by CSNY and it just was so emotional. FINALLY, Amanda, finally you have your babe. I am so, so happy for you & Dan.
Regarding it not being easy - we can tell ourselves it will be hard, but nothing can prepare you, really, for taking care of a kidlet 24 hours a day. It is hard work. I hope you have people to reach out to if you need to “vent” about your sleep deprivation, or whatnot.
You kindly listened to me when I had my mini-post-adoption-depression breakdown, and I’ll always be there for you if you need to yak!
Thanks for being a great IVF buddy, Amanda!
What a beautiful post. For me its A New Day Has Come by Celine Dion. For some reason that song always touched my heart, and I still tear up when I hear it. Our son’s arrival definitely signaled a new day for our family.
Enjoy these days - they go by fast (although it may be hard to believe!).
I am such a slackass to be finally getting over here to congratulate you, dear Amanda. Adam is absolutely breathtaking and reading your birth story had me in tears. I am so very happy for you and your family.
Congratulations Amanada, I am so glad for you, your husband and little Adam. I feel the same way now that Tasha is 18 months, she was totally worth the wait and I wouldn’t change any part of the past if it would mean having a child other than her.
best wishes for a wonderful life together
Kim/formerly Pillow Talk
I am sorry you are having some rough times. It is so hard at the beginning, and I know speaking for myself I felt guilty saying that aloud because a) this was what I wanted for so long, how dare I admit that it isn’t all roses and sunshine every second, and b) you tell yourself before the baby is born that you know it will be hard but that “I know I can handle it.” At least for me, I figured Hey I have been preparing for this moment for 35 years, therefore I must be more prepared than most - I can handle it. And then, when there are moments when you feel that you cannot handle it you don’t know what to do. Who is going to listen to an IVF veteran expressing any feeling other than pure gratitude about their new motherhood.
Not to sound like a broken record by repeating what the other commenters are saying, but it absolutely WILL get easier. And there will be very, very hard days too. If you ever need to talk or vent about any of it, I am always here. And don’t be like me, and keep telling yourself that “you’re fine” or “its just a phase” if you are continually not feeling quite right. I am convinced now that I had PPD and I think things would have been a bit easier all around had I sought the proper help and care for MYSELF.
Take care, enjoy your beautiful son and cherish moments like this one - because (another thing EVERYONE will tell you all the time) it goes by so fast - it really does, even though during the tough times it doesn’t seem to be going fast at all.
If you want to chat don’t hesitate!