Exactly When Does It Get Easier? February 6, 2007
I’m having a hard times these days. I feel like I’ve hit a wall, a big unscalable wall.
I don’t know exactly what’s going on with Adam and breastfeeding, but it’s rough. He cries, grunts, pops off the boob, and just generally seems like he’s not enjoying the experience one bit. I don’t know if it’s reflux, a food allergy or sensitivity, strong letdown, or just his version of normal. I just know that when he cries, I cry. We’re both beyond frustrated at this point.
I really am determined to stick with it, but it’s hard. That combined with the fact that I’m struggling to get enough sleep to function at least somewhat makes for some crazy times around here. The “nap when he naps” thing isn’t working for me for numerous reasons, so I’m left with what fractured sleep I can get at night.
It’s so much harder now that Dan is back at work. He works pretty long hours, so by the time he gets home at night, I’m ready to crash. The weekends are better, but they don’t seem to come around often enough.
I love this little guy so much. I hate that I can’t seem to do enough or be enough for him. I just want to be able to feed him and comfort him. The truth of the matter is that while I’d very much like for things to get easier for me, what I really want is for things to get easier for him.
- Posted in : our main man
- Author : amanda
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My son never would breastfeed - I pumped for 8 months instead - but I well remember the frustration.
I also remember an AHA! day when he truned four months. He could sit on my hip and actually seemed to participate. He became more of a contributor and a person, both helping my caretaking psyche a lot.
It’ll come. For everyone, it’s different. You’re in what I called ‘the feeding blob stage’ and it is just fine if it isn’t as rosy as you’d envisioned. I didn’t know I wasn’t really a baby person until I had one.
I’m so sorry, sweetie. It sounds like you’re doing a great job, but it’s a tremendous adjustment, especially in these first few weeks, and especially when you’re on your own.
Have you tried giving the little guy some Mylicon drops? A lot of A’s fussiness at that age seemed gas-related, though who the heck knows! Maybe his ped or a lactation consultant might have some advice? I’d just hate for you to give up if there’s an easy solution, but I also know how it feels to be at the end of your rope!
Best of luck–let us know if we can help!
For me it got easier somewhere between 6-8 weeks. I’m sorry the breastfeeding is difficult. Have you thought about calling a lactation consultant? It’s something I always regretted not doing before I decided to stop BF. The sleep thing is so so hard. I was driven absolutely crazy by it. I hope things get better soon…they WILL get better, though. Keep that in mind!
I know everyone will tell you this, but it does get easier. It’s still very early yet. I found the first six weeks or so very tough. Breastfeeding was really hard. And I couldn’t nap with the baby, either. That never worked for me.
The thing that helped me was sleeping in the evening. Once my husband went back to work (2 weeks after the baby came), I would go to bed without fail at 8 pm. Whatever happened from 8 to midnight, my husband handled. (Obviously, we were already giving bottles of breastmilk or formula at this point.) He went to bed at midnight and whatever happened after midnight, I handled. But having 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep did wonders for me. Of course, it meant that M and I didn’t see much of each other during the week, but it was worth it to know that I was rested enough to take care of my baby and I wasn’t going to crash the car on the way to Target. Thank God for my supportive husband.
You’ll figure out what works for you. Just hang in there, you are doing a great job.
Ugh- I’m sorry its so hard. I don’t have any good advice, because I just sort of “lived through it”- I never really found anything that worked. And the only reason that I kept breastfeeding was because a) they say colic is worse with formula-fed babies (although I can’t imagine my son’s colic being worse than it was and b) the last thing that sounded appealing to me was racing to heat a bottle while he screamed his head off. As hard as being the food source was, all I had to do was whip it out.
For me, it got easier about 4.5 months when the colic went away. Hang in there! And I would call the lactation consultant and see if they can help. Mine didn’t help me much but just reinforced that I was doing everything right.
Yes, lactation consultants are worth their weight in gold. If all they can do is let you know you’re doing everything right, that there is worth it alone. I know its hard but it’ll be over very very VERY soon.
Amanda - I did not breastfeed so I am no help on this issue. But one thing I can say, I do remember asking “when is this all going to get easier” a LOT at the beginning. And the truth is, there are days that I STILL ask that question, now that I have a 14-month old who likes throwing full-body tantrums when she doesn’t get her way. However - and this is the key - I definitely asked that question less and less as time went by. All of a sudden, one day you will realize that things HAVE gotten easier. But hand in hand, you will realize that it has been replaced with a brand NEW challenge which will throw you for a loop for a while. I imagine this cycle will continue through their teen years and beyond.
Hang in there - and know and realize that now that you are a mom, you will feel this way the rest of your life - that you are MORE concerned with your child’s comfort than your own. THAT is what separates parents from everyone else in the world - actually, truly caring 100% more for your child’s well being than for your own. It is such an overwhelming admission of love that for a while it scared me.
I hope things get better soon. And I had trouble in the early weeks with that whole “nap when they nap” thing - but I actually sometimes do it NOW and it is really a great thing!
Yep, I remeber the tough times. It takes a while to figure these kids out & it doesn’t help that you’re sleep deprived and probably just had your hormonal crash. I found a local breastfeeding support group at the hospital I work at (not breastfeeding nazi’s) and it really helped to get me out of the house and be with other new Mom’s in the same boat. Five years later some of them are still my best friends and our kids are close in age and grew up together. Stick with it if you can but don’t drive yourself crazy. You’re a great Mom no matter what! Also, I remember those early growth spurts that seemed that all I did was sit there breastfeeding my daughter all day. Don’t forget to lean on family and friends for support right now. It’s ok to let someone else watch Adam while you get some rest. I know I would be dying to get my hands on that cutie if I were your friend. Good luck! We’re all here for you!
Yep, I remeber the tough times. It takes a while to figure these kids out & it doesn’t help that you’re sleep deprived and probably just had your hormonal crash. I found a local breastfeeding support group at the hospital I work at (not breastfeeding nazi’s) and it really helped to get me out of the house and be with other new Mom’s in the same boat. Five years later some of them are still my best friends and our kids are close in age and grew up together. Stick with it if you can but don’t drive yourself crazy. You’re a great Mom no matter what! Also, I remember those early growth spurts that seemed that all I did was sit there breastfeeding my daughter all day. Don’t forget to lean on family and friends for support right now. It’s ok to let someone else watch Adam while you get some rest. I know I would be dying to get my hands on that cutie if I were your friend. Good luck! We’re all here for you!
Oh, sweetheart, I wish I had some good advice, but I barely made it through those first few months–and I had my husband there full-time. The one thing that did help Olivia was the GERD diagnosis and Zantac. (And the thing that helped me was TiVo, for the all-night feeding/crying sessions.) I couldn’t nap when she napped–there was way too much to do, I was too overwrought to just let things go, I have never been good at napping during the day–and the pressure I put on myself to TRY to nap made me feel even worse.
Is there anyone who could take him for a walk to the park for a couple of hours so you could relax? Those few breaks were like little lifelines to me.
Thinking of you.
–Bugs
I’m sorry things a hard. I had a hard time with breastfeeding at first too, and a lactation consultant really helped me get back on track. I was really glad I asked for helped before it was too late. It is true, things do get a lot easier after 6 weeks. But before that, don’t be afraid to ask for help, you won’t regret it.
And breastfeeding while laying down saved my sanity. I could sleep while nursing, it made a huge difference.
Good luck! It will get easier!
Oh, yes, I remember crying when they cried while nursing - the thing that was supposed to be helping and comforting them. Made me feel terrible. I don’t know when it will be for you, but it WILL get better. Can you nurse lying down at all? When I managed that, I got at least a little rest, if not actual sleep.
Have you found a helpful lactation consultant? (Some are, some - unfortunately - are not.) Can you describe the nursing situation more? I dealt with both an overactive letdown and reflux, so I dealt with this personally and did a ton of research too. (Feel free to email me directly if you’d like.)
Oh Babe. YOU ARE ENOUGH. and that’s ‘mothers guilt’ that’s making you question yourself. I remember- but not as well as i though i would, and he’ll be 2 this month. Your mind will have a funny way on NOT letting you remember just how hard it was. ;-) ALL of us mothers remember what it was like to not know. to be scared, to doubt yourself. but you are his mommy. you DO KNOW what he NEEDS. and you WILL ALWAYS do what you think is best for him. and that will be enough.
I had my lil’ boy on Jan. 17th, and although I love him to bits, I haven’t enjoyed BF-ing . . . much. To take a break, I’ve been pumping. Fortunately, my boy loves to suck and so I haven’t had any nipple confusion among boob, bottle or pacifier. Anyway, my little one had reflux and my friend who happens to be a NICU nurse recommended Mylicon infant gas drops. It’s safe and you can use it at every feeding if you want to.
Hang in there, I’m right there w/ you. I married a consultant and he travels . . . a lot. So I’m flying solo a lot too.
Try and sleep when he does, ok? I often feel better after a nap. Perhaps look into getting some help, so you can take care of your personal needs (i.e., shower, sleep, etc.).
Hang in there,
Sylvia
For me it got easier around 3 months and easier again around 4 months. Breastfeeding got easier around 2.5 months. Around 8 weeks was the hardest. We went through a long popping off phase with Nick. He didn’t have reflux and I never did figure out why he would do that, but it IS a sign of reflux. If it is a strong let down, pumping or hand expressing a little bit before you nurse him might help. My cough and pull off when the let down is too much. *hugs*
my midwife here in germany told me about three things crashing together at this age:
- first, there’s a second milk coming-in (sorry, don’t know the correct english term) around four weeks age - you will probably notice a greater amount of milk, combined with a change in consistency to which adam must get used to,
- second, the hormonal change in your son’s body (from maternal hormones to his own, perhaps he’ll get pimples like my daughter who looked like a streusel cake) and
- third, a growth spurt between three and four weeks age, especially visible in the head circumference.
these informations helped me a lot because i was assured that it will get better on his own after a while.
and the first day adam smiles at you or dan (which can happen every day now!) will change everything anyway!
good luck!
Your post takes me right back to the first 7 weeks of my daughter’s life. Breastfeeding was hell for me and for her. I didn’t seek out help and wasn’t as determined as you to stick with it (I give you a lot of credit). I pumped for awhile and gave her formula. It made a world of difference for her and for me (I was able to enjoy her instead of dreading every feeding).
If you really want to stick with it, get help. These early weeks may seem to drag but pretty soon Adam will be 1 and you’ll look back and see how fast it really went.
The early troubles scarred me so much it took me 4 years to even try to have another. I think almost every new mom could write your post. Just when you think it can’t get any tougher, it starts getting easier.
Hang in there,
if you really hate breast feeding, if it’s interfering with your enjoyment of adam, if you are dreading feeding time, it’s okay to stop! i know, i know, not politically correct to say it, but i was very depressed during the month that i breast fed. i cried *constantly*, and the second I quit, everything turned around.
Sorry to hear you are having some trouble with b/fing. I can be rough and the lack of sleep doesn’t help. I went through a bit of an ‘adjustment’ when my husband went back to work but we all got through it eventually. Hang in there it will get easier (and then they learn to crawl! :) )
Take care
Lizzy did this a lot in the beginning too. Breastfeeding just started getting easier this past week, and she’s 7 weeks old now. I discovered that I had a strong letdown, which is part of the reason she was popping off so much. I started giving her gas drops and only nursing on one breast per feeding for a few weeks. This made my milk supply go down to what Lizzy needed and that helped. I also pumped a bit before nursing if I was feeling very full, which also helped.
E-mail me if you have any more questions. It does get easier, really. I wanted to quit BFing sooooooo many times. But if you get through this hard time it’s wonderful. I actually enjoy it now.
(((hugs)))
Dangit, I have no assvice for breasfeeding, or infant care under 4 mos. But when you reach the 4 month point, I’ll be all ears! I’m so sorry you’re having a hard time, I know so many women who’ve had trouble in the beginning with bfeeding, I hope it gets easier soon! Sleep deprivation is AWFUL.
Urggg Amanda I have never had a baby so I can’t help. But I know that the sleep deprivation is the worse and that most people think it’s the breastfeeding only to find out that when they start getting more than 2 hours sleep at a time they feel much better. I’m not sure how you go about that, and good friends or family that can come and help out and let you get a good nap?
Another one here to say it gets easier- both the babe and the bf’ing. It’s not easy. Have you pumped to make sure you’re making milk right now (sorry, this is the LAST thing that an IFer needs to hear). I’ll 23rd the lactation consultant - I didn’t go that route, all my nurses in hospital were all over me for the week. God,where am I going?
Oh yeah, I couldn’t do the nap when they nap thing either - too difficult. Can you try to nap when Dan comes home? Seriously - even 1/2 hour will help. Is your Mom coming for a visit?
Have you called the pedi to see if it is reflux? I’ll also say that the gas drops seemed to help a bit too. I remember one night where A just cried and cried, it’s so awful not to be able to help them.
Oh and I don’ t know what books you’ve read, but the soothing techniques in Happiest Baby on the Block really helped A with her colic.
I know this doesn’t really help, but it got easier for us about 9 weeks old. Not easy, just easier. We both had finally figured out breastfeeding (she was born so small that it took her a while to adjust to bf - both small mouth, letdown, etc..), the colic suddenly diminished and then vanished. She started smiling, etc.. Then it didn’t REALLY start getting easier until she turned 1. That’s when I started being able to have me time during the day. Are you co-sleeping? That is the ONLY way I was finally able to get enough sleep in the night. I wish I’d started from the beginning.
It’s ok, it’ll get better for both of you. You just need time and maybe a lactation consultant. Just make it one day at a time.. {hugs}
We’re so at the same place, I feel like I should email you my phone number and we can cry together on the phone. I had a big breakdown today about some of these same issues. Our kid is a marathon feeder and spitter upper and then he does hte pulling away thing and grunts and squirms and I’m racked by guilt that I’m eating something that is bugging him. I also feel chained to the “breastfeeding” chair.
Seriously– I hear you here. You aren’t alone.
No assvice Amanda, but I’m thinking about you and hope things get a little better for both of you.
Im thinking about you all right now. Maybe try to get some sleep when Dan gets home from work even if its a few hours, spend the together time during the weekend. Hugs! Would love to see some new pictures of him when you get a chance, they sure do change fast!
Amanda and Katie, I’m right there with you guys. My daughter is 5 weeks and she was just diagnosed with Reflux and Colic. The things you mentioned, Amanda, sound very similar to what M is doing. She’s on Zantac and Reglan now and they appear to be helping at least a little bit. If you’re concerned it’s worth a trip to your Pediatrician’s office. If nothing else, it helped my mommy guilt to get a diagnosis. Hang in there and know that you aren’t alone.
These are the dog days. I remember feeling so overwelmed–and forgotten because The Boy was no longer enough of a newborn that people were offering to help.
Things that got me through (based on no expertise other than my own experience): handing The Boy off to my husband the minute he got home from work and going to bed, getting out of the house at least once a day even when my appearance was less than fastidious, giving The Boy the occasional bottle of formula just to give us both a break (and resolving NOT to feel badly about it), and finding a way to treat myself (for me, this was smoothies I bought at a local cafe–sometimes with a cookie).
Hang in there.
Will does have reflux and it is hell, I hope Adam doesn’t for all of your sakes. Now this isn’t always a popular suggestion but have you considered co-sleeping? I do it, NEVER dreamed I would, but it helps with my sleep depravation.
I’m sorry it’s so rough for you and Adam right now on the breastfeeding front. You’re such a good mom. whatever you decide will be right.t
I’m thinking of you, Amanda. Hope things are looking up. Adam will be smiling soon, and I remember that was a great day for me when it finally happened. Hang in there.