Roller Coaster Days February 15, 2007
I’ve thought about posting several times since my last post, and it’s amazing to me how different the topic and/or tone would have been each different time had I actually gotten around to sit down and type something out. Things can go from easy to hard and back again at a moment’s notice. It’s not uncommon for me to start the day with a good attitude and a smile on my face and end up in tears later on. Heck, it’s not uncommon for the opposite to happen, too.
Breastfeeding is still kicking my ass. I’m determined to stick it out, but sometimes I just don’t know if I have it in me. I have to keep reminding myself that no where does it say that I have to love, or even like, it. I’m doing this for him. That’s what’s important. I know my sanity is important, too, but I really want to do this for him. This is my one chance. I want to make breastfeeding work for the long haul.
There have been some improvements. I decided to cut out all dairy from my diet to see if that helped any. Today is day number 11 of the no dairy diet, and I think it’s helping. The pulling away from the breast and screaming while feeding episodes have virtually been eliminated. It’s quite challenging going dairy free. I mean, that stuff is in everything, but it’s worth it if it helps.
I really think the sleep deprivation is compounding the issue. I’m one of those people who needs a good amount of quality sleep to function, and it’s just not happening. Sleeping for 2 hours or less at a time is making me a bit of a cranky pants.
I keep listening hard to all of the voices that say that things will get easier. Adam’s just over 5 weeks old, and I know that we may have a ways to go before they truly do. A girl can hope, though. Honestly, my main goal right now is to just make it to the stage where I can go more than a day or two without breaking down in tears.
It’s most definitely not all frustrating, though. I can just stare at that cute little face forever. And no matter how discouraged I get, that makes it all more than worth it.
- Posted in : our main man
- Author : amanda
Comments»
I have never posted a comment before, but I´ve been following your story for a while, it´s very similar to mu own. My (4th IVF) triplets were born at 31 weeks just 2 days after Adam. While they were at the NICU and I was pumping we had no issues, everything started when they came home and I started to breastfeed them directly, so monday I decided to suck it up and ask for help. We went today to a lactation specialist and let me tell you that woman is worth her weight in gold! it´s only been 3 feeding since we went and already it´s making such a huge difference! So really find yourself one and go, these women know what they´re talking about!
Oh! and she told me to feel free to eat anything I wanted, including dairy and citrics (I had also eliminated both from my diet)
I am a lurker on your blog and I want to congradulate you on the birth of your son. The best advice I can give is get as much help and support in your house as possible. Nap when the baby naps is an imperative. A couple more weeks and things should get easier
I have a food allergic toddler who I nurse and I have not had any dairy, eggs, peanuts, pork or beef in 8 months. It is hard but it gets easier to cut out the foods. Make sure you get your calcium!!
Take care of yourself anyway you can. Pump a bottle of milk in the day and have your husband give it to the baby at night. Whatever it takes
You are doing GREAT
Hang in there. I used to want to punch people who told me it would get easier because no one would ever tell me WHEN. For us it was around 3 months.
Breastfeeding is hard in the beginning. It does get easier (around 9 weeks for me) when they get older. But you are right, you don’t have to like it. Last week I just couldn’t stand to have them on me one more minute so I pumped all day and gave bottles. The next day I was feeling better and we went back to nursing like normal.
Just some assvice re: diet — I cut out dairy, citrus, caffeine (including chocolate) and wheat from my diet when I was nursing my daughter because of horrific diaper rashes (we’re talking bloody baboon butt). That seemed to do the trick for us, but obviously it could have been something she just outgrew at the same time. Hang in there, it really DOES get easier, the timing is just different for everyone. Yeah, I was deliriously happy with both my kids, but especially with the first it really was mostly sleep deprivation induced delirium. You are doing a great job — AND keeping up a blog! Kudos to you. I could barely brush my teeth at 5 weeks…and it took me several years to emerge from what I deemed “the coma of motherhood.”
Hang in there, you’re doing great. At about 6 weeks, you will realize that things have improved, and at 12 weeks it will be even better. The breastfeeding will be smooth and old hat by then, and everything really will feel different.
Of course, I remember being told this same thing when my baby was 5 weeks old, and it didn’t feel at all helpful. I wanted to know how I was going to survive the next 24 hours — two weeks felt like an eternity. So I know you probably some times want to pluck out the eyes of all of the people, including me, who are telling you it will get better over the next few weeks. But it will, and you will survive, I promise.
The hardest thing for me was breastfeeding (which I eventually gave up after 8 weeks) and the second hardest thing was the lack of sleep. And I think the lack of sleep made the breastfeeding harder, too.
Are you pumping at all? If so, my best advice is to go to bed when Dan gets home from work and let him give Adam a bottle between then and when he goes to bed. So at least you can get 3-4 hours of sleep in a row.
I’m glad the breastfeeding is going better. You are doing a great job.
Hey Amanda. I am not sure if you are seeing a lactation consultant or not, but as others have said it is a very big help. My little girl used to pop on and off all the time and it ended up that I had a fast let down and so it was too much for her to handle all at once. The lactation consultant helped with positioning and placement and it was night and day. She was a BIG eater. I felt like we were breastfeeding morning, noon and night. And the every two hours overnight was killer.
My husband had a crazy schedule. He was in school for his master’s full-time, working 12-hour shifts part-time and studying. But even if Dan’s schedule is crazy see if on the weekend, just one night even, you could pump and he could do one of Adam’s feedings. That stretch of sleep for you will be so good. I didn’t do it and the sleep deprivation was horrendous.
Good luck. It will get better and that face of his is worth it all I say ;) Any questions about the lactation consultant email me…
Good Luck Amanda, I have no advice but I am gald there are good moments and I imagine they will gradually start overshadowing the over-tired grumpy ones.
I wish Dan could have taken more time off work with you, because having David home with me those first 9 weeks was a lifesaver! He would get up and take the baby in the morning and I’d go back to bed for 2-4 hours. In lieu of that though, I second pumping and letting Dan take at least one of the night feedings so you can sleep for a few hours straight.
I also highly second the lactation consultant, from what I hear, they are a wonderful source of help.
But yes, it will get easier. I think Benjamin started sleeping longer stretches between feedings at around 10-12 weeks. You’ll be amazed at how good 4 hours of sleep is vs 2!
Hang in there sweetie.
Jenn makes a good point. You don’t have to exclusively breast feed ALL the time. A feeding or two or even a day of expressed milk given by bottle might be just the break you need.
And please remember, these first few months are just about survival. Keep the baby alive and well, keep yourself alive and as well as possible on such little sleep, and call it good. Don’ be too hard on yourself. The twins started to sleep for about 4.5 to 5 hours a stretch around 3 months and then slept through the night at 4.5 months. I hope it’s not that long for you, but if it is, just be as kind to yourself as possible in the meantime. Thinking of you.
I just want to add my voice to the chorus telling you it will get better. Olivia had colic and I was up with her screaming non-stop from 8 to midnight every night. I was literally counting the days until she turned 12 weeks, since everyone promised that it would get better at that time. It was a bit better at 8 weeks and again at 10 and 12 weeks. Now we are at four months and everythiing is so much easier. Hang in there and we are all here if you need to vent.
Echoing the sentiments: it will get better, though it may still be a while (it was quite a while for us; she slept through the night for a brief stretch around 3-4 months, then reverted to waking up regularly again, and I found that the sleep deprivation was making me miserable). Also echoing the call to see a lactation consultant. And, if you haven’t already, get him assessed for GERD. Breastfeeding was torture until Olivia was diagnosed and treated. And, boy oh boy, was I ever relieved that I didn’t have to stay on the (useless for us) dairy-free, fruit-free, wheat-free, soy-free, spice-free diet.
–Bugs
You’re doing a great job! I’m sorry it’s tough, and I really hope it gets better soon. I know I’m not a mom, and I know that breastfeeding is supposed to be very good, but I think there also is research that a lot of the antibodies, etc., are transferred by 6 weeks. So don’t feel bad if it’s easier for you to cut back - you would still be a phenomenal mom….
You’re doing a great job! I’m sorry it’s tough, and I really hope it gets better soon. I know I’m not a mom, and I know that breastfeeding is supposed to be very good, but I think there also is research that a lot of the antibodies, etc., are transferred by 6 weeks. So don’t feel bad if it’s easier for you to cut back - you would still be a phenomenal mom….
Amanda, hang in there! I seriously thought about giving up daily for several months, at least. For me, it got better after about 3 months, which was way way longer than I had ever imagined it would take.
But, even with all our early struggles, we finally got around to nursing being fun, and relaxing, and comforting to both of us. It is possible! It will happen eventually, and you will be surprised one day when you realize it has happened. We have a great nursing relationship now, and I am so very glad I stuck with it.
My husband has a severe allergy to dairy that came on a few years ago, so I know how hard it is to cut out. Our favorite dairy free cookbook is “Recipes for Dairy-Free Living” (http://www.amazon.com/Recipes-Dairy-Free-Living-Denise-Jardine/dp/1587611007/ref=pd_sim_b_4/102-4212198-4482523) and we have found most recipes can be adapted using soy/rice milk, vegan margarine, “sour supreme” fake sour cream, etc. After awhile, you really fall into a groove and don’t miss the old ways of cooking. Cheese is the thing that just cannot be replaced, and what my husband misses the most. At least you know at some point you can have all the deliciousness again!
the first time i play roller coaster it was a very hard time for me i felt that i am going to die and when i am on the big hoop i felt that my head is going to bump but it was very nice slide