This Sleep Thing Baffles Me June 23, 2007
Sleep is one of those things I didn’t have to worry about in the early days of parenthood. Oh sure, I worried about not getting enough for myself, but I never worried about Adam not getting enough. He slept all the time. Now is a different story, however. We’re having some serious sleep issues these days. Let’s start with night time sleep.
The only place Adam would sleep at night after we came home from the hospital was his bouncer. We tried everything else we could think of (and purchased all kinds of stuff that we didn’t end up using) but that’s the only place he’d sleep so we went with it. We tried transitioning him to the crib at one point before he was diagnosed and treated for reflux, and he ended up spitting up both through his mouth and nose during the night the few times we tried. Well then after his reflux diagnosis it just made sense to leave him in the bouncer.
Now he’s just getting too darn big for the bouncer. We’ve tried putting him to sleep in the crib, but he ends up waking up after 1-2 hours. He hates that darn crib. We moved the mattress from our guest bed to our bedroom floor so I’d have a place to nurse and change him without disturbing Dan too much. He’ll sleep on the mattress with me just fine, usually only waking once to nurse just like he did when in the bouncer, so that’s what we’ve been doing the past few nights. I don’t know if this is a permanent solution or not.
One thing that really confuses me about night time sleep is bedtime. Adam usually goes to sleep somewhere around 9 or 9:15. He usually nurses for about an hour before that. I keep reading about early bedtimes, but it just doesn’t seem to work for him. We’ve tried going through his regular bedtime routine earlier by varying amounts, and he still doesn’t go to sleep until 9 or 9:15. He’ll play and stall or just nurse longer.
Naps are even more of a problem. He is so not napping well these days. Today he took one 40 minute nap. That’s it. In the early days he just nursed himself to sleep and slept in my arms. I guess some people would think that’s where the problem lies, but nursing him to sleep just seems so natural to me. The problem is that he’s not doing it consistently for nap time any more. He still seems like he’s nursing himself down most of the time, but then he finishes and then just looks up at me with big sleepy eyes.
So, what do I do then? I’ve tried putting him down in the crib. That’s a joke. He just won’t go to sleep there even if he’s way tired. He’ll just lay there, and then eventually he’ll start fussing to get out. I’ve tried nursing him on the mattress in the bedroom and then laying him down on the mattress when he’s done. This works some of the time. Other times he just lays there for a while talking to himself and then starts protesting.
I’ll admit to getting desperate, putting him in the car seat, and driving him around until he falls asleep. Sometimes that’s the only thing that will work.
I’m getting really stressed out about the whole thing, because it’s obvious that he needs more sleep than he’s getting. I feel like I’m failing at part of my job as a parent. I mean, getting only 10 hours of sleep a day can’t be good for him. Sometimes he’ll get 11 or 12, but even that doesn’t seem like enough for a 5.5 month old.
I know I can’t handle the whole cry it out thing, so that’s out. I don’t really know what to do. I know I can’t expect too much right now because he’s teething and that screws everything up. However, this has been going on longer than the teething has. It’s been going on too long. I’m sure the whole reflux situation doesn’t help either. I know eventually things will get better, at least I hope they will, but it still worries me right now.
Man, sometimes I wonder if this is the same baby who slept through the entire night at 3 months and napped throughout the day without any problems whatsoever. We’re so not there anymore.
- Posted in : our main man
- Author : amanda
Comments»
i’m right there with you. my dd is 4.5 months old and fights sleep because we’re too exciting apparantly. she does sleep in her crib, but i’ve nursed her to sleep basically since birth and that’s the only way she’ll sleep…i don’t want to keep doing that because she needs to learn to sleep some other way (she was already 17.5 lbs at her 4 month appt). i’ve read about the earlier sleep times, and that just doesn’t work here. we usually put her down somewhere between 9 and 11…and if we’re lucky she’ll sleep 6-8 hrs. naps used to be good, but now it’s hit and miss and some days she’ll keep herself awake for 4 hrs at a time. i’m sorry i don’t have any advice, but wanted to let you know you’re not alone!!
In my experience the teething thing messes with sleep more than anyone tells you….they can teeth for quite a while before any teeth actually appear. Once the teeth came through on the twins, things slowly went back to okay.
The sleep issue thing is a slipperly slope indeed. And it’s hard to give any advice since what works for one won’t work for another. I do remember with my first doing a lot of the same worrying that you’re doing. And Liam has startled us with what works for him. What I can do is tell you that I understand a little bit of what you’re going through and hope you’re able to find a good answer soon. For your sanity, if nothing else! :)
I’m the last person to give assvice on sleeping, but here goes….
My son slept in his car seat until he was 5 months old until he, too, was outgrowing it and we had to bite the bullet and transition him to the crib. I tried everything in the No Cry Sleep Solution to help him feel secure, and when none of that worked–and we were both delirious with sleep deprivation–I finally agree to let him cry it out. It was much less awful than I thought it would be and it made all the difference in the world.
Good Luck…….
You don’t want to hear my story. I have a 2 year old in my bed…..I just wanted to say I understand.
I don’t have any advice. I feel your frustration. Axel never was a good sleeper. At now 12+ months he still usually falls asleep at the boob (not to say he always does… it’s just that’s the only way he knows how). Other people have been able to rock him to sleep, but not easily. I couldn’t do it - he would know my boobs were close by and want to nurse. Can Dan rock him to sleep?
We did transition him to the crib quite early since he outgrew his bassinet. And for a long time we let him fall asleep in the bouncer before carefully transferring him into his crib… but rarely could we get more than a 3 hour stretch of sleep. A normal night for us still involves two wakeups for milk. On the second one I bring him to our bed and sleep/nurse. (It’s a big enough bed that it doesn’t disturb the husband.) That’s the only way I get enough sleep. The sun doesn’t help these days either - he tends to wake up with the sun.
I gave CIO a try… sortof. I couldn’t handle it. After an hour of crying, all we had was a pissed off, sweaty baby. (Not to mention a mama who thought she was going to throw up the whole time.) We have the No Cry Sleep Solution - one of these days I’m going to actually follow all the instructions in it.
Good luck, sorry to ramble so much, but it’s definitely a topic I’m too familiar with. You have solids coming up soon - perhaps a little bit of extra food in his belly will help the sleeping. And yes, teething screws everything up.
Dunno amanda, I’m afraid whatever I say will be assvicey, but here goes anyway.
Two things I’ve seen to make cribs easier for reflux babies, one is to raise one end of the crib on bricks or planks, the second is a wedge-shaped thing for the mattress which you then tuck them into. Wondering if one of those might help, although it sounds like those are not the problem right now, and you may have tried them anyway.
I’ve been reading the baby whisperer stuff which was recommended by a friend, and what she says seems to make sense. She’s keen on the fact that if the baby’s used to sleeping with you, or nursing to sleep, then it’s going to take a while and some difficulty to retrain him. Dunno how to but I’m sure one of the things to realise and not to beat yourself up about is that it’s going to take time and more time. sorry it’s tough sweetie.
Hi Amanda,
I don’t have any advice for you either, but wanted to let you know that Jack and I are dealing with the exact same thing over here. You are not alone with the worrying and the frustration. Like you, I can deal with me not getting good sleep but I worry about my little boy.
Right now, the only way he’ll sleep is with me and nursing him to sleep (nighttime & naps). It’s tough. I feel guilty doing it - like I am being a bad Mom or something, but that’s the only way any of us can keep our sanity at the moment. We have tried all sorts of different techniques and reading all the different books - Baby Wise, gradual CIO, earlier bedtimes, later bedtimes - with no success. He’d cry for an hour (I could never go beyond an hour of crying - just too much for this Mom!) never letting up and it was just too much…and it’s not like he’d sleep after anyways.
My MIL told me that there are all the books and people out there telling you what you should do, but in the end of the day - every baby is different. Jack was never an easy baby - he has a very sensitive stomach and gets distracted so easily. He takes after his Dad who was apparently very difficult - didn’t sleep well until he was close to a year since he always had some stomach issues etc.. So, it seems he takes after his Daddy.
We keep trying the crib (but like Adam he hates it too!) and doing a regular night-time routine. He does end up in our room at some point in time, but hopefully it’ll work eventually.
Sorry I can’t give you any tips as to what might work. I just wanted to say hang in there. You are a wonderful Mom and are not failing in any way - don’t ever think otherwise. Adam is lucky to have you. Motherhood is tough and every baby is different.
One piece of advice our ped gave us is to take baby out during the day. Being out and about at least once a day can help them sleep better. It hasn’t really worked for us, but it may work for Adam.
Hang in there, sweetie! Eventually, it is supposed to get better - at least that’s what I am hoping for and being told. In the meantime, sending lots of hugs & hoping Adam gets better sleep soon!
Hello, I am a lurker but had to comment because I really feel your pain - sleep deprivation (for you or the baby) is a hard thing.
I’m just going to throw this out there, so I hope you aren’t offended by my assvice.
I agree with the commenter that says babys need to be retrained into healthy sleeping habits. I have found the key to be perserverance with a plan.
I didn’t want to try “cry it out” with my son (I did once and it was a disaster), so what I did was this:
-same routine at same time every night (over time you can try transitioning him to an earlier bedtime by sliding it 15-30 minutes every week or so)
-nurse, but do not nurse to sleep
-put a few toys in the crib or a mobile
-tell baby it is time for sleep as you place him in the crib
-patpatpat or shhh and give dummy (if he uses one) and leave the room
-when he fusses a few seconds, go back in and patpatpat shhh until he quiets down, but do not pick him up (this is the perserverance part). if you pick him up, you will find that you have to start the process all over.
-i found at first that leaving the room was too much, and actually sat in a chair next to the crib and just stood up and did the patpatpat and sat back down.
the first few nights, you may have to do this many times in a row (like 30) or several times a night. prepare yourself that this can take up to a week or two to work but if you keep at it and don’t give in (which is easy to say, hard to do) it does pay off.
You can do the same for naps, with a time period in mind such as - give him one hour and if it doesn’t work than get him up, but do the same process everyday for consistency.
I know this sounds crazy, but I found it to be a lifesaver in the long run. Now, my son goes in his crib fully awake, plays a little and goes to sleep. This is for both nap and bedtime.
I hope this assvice helps you some.
I wish I had some advice but we haven’t had to deal with reflux and I can’t imagine how difficult that would be. My little guy does sleep in a bassinet but it’s right by my bed at all times and he tends to get up at least once (sometimes 2-3 times) in the middle of the night to nurse. Oh and he still has to be swaddled or he whacks himself in the face and wakes himself up. Any advice on that front would be greatly appreciated.
Anyway, I did just happen to stumble upon this http://www.tuckersling.com this morning today. It’s a wedge/sling for babies that are dealing with reflux. I have no idea if it would help or not but I immediately thought of it when I read your post. Good luck!
I wish I had some advice but we haven’t had to deal with reflux and I can’t imagine how difficult that would be. My little guy does sleep in a bassinet but it’s right by my bed at all times and he tends to get up at least once (sometimes 2-3 times) in the middle of the night to nurse. Oh and he still has to be swaddled or he whacks himself in the face and wakes himself up. Any advice on that front would be greatly appreciated.
Anyway, I did just happen to stumble upon this http://www.tuckersling.com this morning. It’s a wedge/sling for babies that are dealing with reflux. I have no idea if it would help or not but I immediately thought of it when I read your post. Good luck!
I don’t know if I’d be repeating advice already given, or being a jerk for referring you to my own advice, but you may want to go back in my archives and read what I did with Hannah at this exact same age. She had horrendous reflux, too, and was a touchy sleeper in nearly every situation. I haven’t read what others have already recommended, but a drastically early bedtime may be in order (we had one stretch in there where Hannah was actually going down around 5:30 or 6:00). Sleep begets sleep, that’s for sure.
re: crying it out… have you read moxie’s thing on tension increasers vs. decreasers? the short version is that some babies *need* to cry for a few minutes in order to go to sleep, whereas for others it only makes them crazy, so worth thinking about for adam. (with gatito, there were times when the only way he’d go to sleep is if i let him cry alone for 5-10 minutes, then other times where it was a different kind of crying and i couldn’t leave it at all.)
re: early bed time… i think babies have individual natural bed times. adam’s may be 9:00. or maybe you’re missing his first “window” because it’s super duper early. gatito went to bed at 6:00 p.m. for the first year plus. the earlier he went down, the later he slept. totally counterintuitive, but it’s the whole sleep begets sleep thing.
good luck!
Sorry - I’m in the ‘teaching him to fall asleep on his own’ camp. Is he swaddled? Would he prefer to sleep on his stomach? When A went into her crib (unswaddled) at four months was the first time she rolled over from back to front - to be on her stomach.
Good luck!
Cricket goes to sleep pretty well, although he does have some days when he naps very very little. He still takes all naps in the swing. It lulls him I think. I dread to think of what will happen when he outgrows the swing.
One thing I found out was that he will not nap if I stay in the room with him. He will keep himself awake to look at me. I walk out of the room and he “fusses”– no crying– I couldn’t handle crying either.
Cricket goes to sleep later than Adam– He generally gets fussy about 7:30/8:00, then we take a shower or bath, then nurse (FOREVER– like 45 minutes to an hour) and then he sleeps. Still in the co-sleeper attached to our bed. When he turns six months (in four days!) we are going to detach the co-sleeper and start trying to see what happens when we push it two feet from the bed. I’m dreading this, partly because he’s such a good night sleeper right now.
Good luck!
Ugh - sleep issues drive everyone in the family crazy - my heart goes out to you. I’ve never had to deal with reflux issues, but we are big fans of the “put baby to bed drowsy but awake” practice.
Our routine was - and still is - dinner, bathtime, story/bottle and bed.
Also, once our kiddo hit 4 months and 16lbs our dr said that he could go 6-8 hrs without feeding (he was on formula tho) - so we nixed middle of the night bottles. Tough couple of days while we all got adjusted but now, at 22 months, he’s a pretty great sleeper.
One thing we really liked was the crib musical mobile and the Fisher Price musical birdies. He would sometimes play it for 45 minutes and talk to himself in his crib before falling asleep.
Good luck!