The End of an Era? March 1, 2009
So, does the fact that we had to start Adam on Elecare as a result of this debilitating stomach virus mean that breastfeeding has come to an end for us? I’m sad to say that I’m pretty sure that it does. We’ve had a more difficult breastfeeding journey than most, but neither of us were ready for it to end. Especially like this.
The past few days have been very hard. Adam doesn’t understand why he can’t nurse, and it just breaks my heart. Up until Thursday night he still nursed to sleep for naptime, bedtime, and back down multiple times overnight. It has not been easy to pull that out from under him all of a sudden. Dan has taken over sleeptime duty which is the only way it’s going to work right now. It hasn’t been easy for any of us.
I wish I could say that I thought there was a real chance that we’d uncover something during our Denver trip that would allow us to go back to nursing. I don’t think it’s going to happen, though. I’m continuing to pump and dump for now. We have to make sure he tolerates the Elecare, and we need to see what comes as a result of all of the testing in Denver before I intentionally let my supply dwindle.
Speaking of supply, my boobs are not fans of the pump. They are great at breastfeeding, but they are not loving the pump one bit. My supply already took a hit from the virus and now the pump is trying to do the rest of it in.
I’m just hoping that Adam tolerates the Elecare. He seems to be doing ok on it so far (knock on wood). It’s only been 2.5 days, so the jury is still definitely out, but we’re keeping our fingers crossed. Realistically speaking the only way we’d go back to breastmilk is if he reacted worse to the Elecare, and so far (knocking on wood again) that hasn’t happened.
This is a very emotional time for us right now, and it’s not going to be easy for quite a while. My hope, though, is that this ends up helping us in the long run. Adam’s been reacting for 6 weeks straight even with me down to 3 foods plus an oil. My health has gone in the toilet big time. I weighed in at 99 pounds this morning. That’s the first time I’ve been in the double digits since high school. You can see where a change is needed for both of us.
I’m not staying on my salmon, cucumber, applesauce, and canola oil diet right now. I physically can’t do it after the whole run in with the virus situation. I am, however keeping the top 8 allergens (milk, soy, eggs, wheat, peanuts, tree nuts, fish, and shellfish) as well as corn and it’s derivatives out of my diet for now. It’s been heaven to eat things like banana, rice, broccoli, and chicken and to have a glass of OJ. The guilt, though, oh the guilt.
I feel tremendously guilty about all of it: eating food when Adam can’t, not being able to be the one to ease him into sleep, not being able to explain to him why Mama can’t nurse him anymore. I just wish I could make things easier for him. That’s my job, and I hate not being able to do it right now.
So, that’s where we’re at right now. We’re hopping on a plane tomorrow to head out to Denver. Dan has not come down with the virus yet (knocking on wood a third time) so we’re hoping he’s in the clear.
I hope to be able to get on and blog at least a couple of times while we’re there. Our days are going to be busy, but I need this place right now.
- Posted in : our main man
- Author : amanda
Comments»
I know it must be hard but you shouldn’t feel guilty. You have to take care of you in order to take care of Adam. He needs you to be healthy. I’m thinking about you all this week. Hopefully the Elecare will work and you all can find some answers to his problems.
Amanda…I am thinking of you, Dan and Adam. I hope Denver is able to provide not just answers, but solutions. You should not feel guilty (Easier said than done, I know.). With all you have done to help Adam through his many trials and tribulations so early in his life, you are a Super Mom in my book! I hope you can update from Denver.
Sending lots of healthy, healing thoughts from our family to yours!
I so hope you find some answers, soon. I have many IF friends in the Denver area, (I used to be a patient at CCRM) if you need local help or a shoulder. They are all great. Email me if you need names and numbers. You definitely win some mommy awards in MY book! Hugs to you and your family.
Dear Amanda, please don’t feel so guilty-you have gone so far where other’s surely would have given up. When I read your story-I think-Gosh I love my children, but I just don’t know if could have done that! I hope you feel better soon and Adam does okay with the Elecare. I am sorry your BF has had to end so abruptly. I am still hoping you will have some answers soon.
You have made such amazing sacrifices for your sweet boy. I so hope you get some answers and solace this week in Denver. I will be thinking of you all and sending good thoughts and strength your way. Best of luck, and safe travels.
I agree with not feeling guilty. You have done everything you possibly could - and so much more then most people would have. You really have much to be proud of. I know it isn’t how you wanted it though.
Best wishes for Denver and a happy resolution.
Amanda - Please don’t feel guilty, but I completely understand how hard it is. I remember the challenges you have had with Breastfeeding so I understand how emotional all of this is. This was not how you wanted it to end! I am so so sorry. You guys have been through so much. However, please don’t beat yourself up over it. You have been through so much and need to take care of yourself too in order to take care of Adam especially as you guys go on to Denver.
I will be thinking of you, Adam, and Dan! I pray for some good news for all of you. Please give Adam a huge hug!
In the long run, this may turn out to have been a helpful turning point, even if it was a bloody miserable one. You couldnt’ go on eating that little amanda, you are awy too thin and eventually you would get sick in a different way. You need to look after yourself so that you can look after him.
Fingers crossed denver helps.
(De-lurking)
Hope you gets some answers in Denver!
And please, don’t feel guilty. You have persevered with breastfeeding when most people would have given up long ago. Kudos to you for keeping it up so long. Hopefully you’ll be able to go back to it after you get some answers.
Never rains but it pours huh. As horrible as it is to end nursing it’s not just Adams body that needs a break. It’s yours too. Be proud for how well you’ve done and for how long you’ve managed to feed him. You are a great mum now it’s time to be good to yourself too. eat woman gain some weight and be well enough to love that little man no matter what.
Keeping you Adam and Dan in my thoughts and praying that Denver has some answers good lord girl it’s time your family got a lucky break.
luv and mucho hugs sweetling
My goodness I can’t imagine what you must be going through. Hugs and good luck. I hope Denver has some answers for you.